North Korea Not Pleased with Kim Jong Un Parody Dance

Kim Jong Angry Parody Dance

In between eating expired meat and worrying about catching the bubonic plague, the Chinese have come up with a parody video featuring a fake Kim Jong Un dancing and fighting his way through a series of absurd situations.

The parody video shows Kim Jong Un being kicked to the ground by President Obama after pirouetting through a ballet studio, dancing with Russian President Vladimir Putin, doing “the Carleton”, and acting as a dance-loving member of the grounds crew at a baseball game.

The video, which first appeared on the Chinese video-sharing site Tencent, quickly became popular in China – but not so much in North Korea.

According to the Chosun Ilbo, a South Korean newspaper, officials in Pyongyang are reportedly furious about the 3 and a half minute video because it “seriously compromises Kim’s dignity and authority.” I think his haircut alone is enough to compromise his dignity, but whatever.

The newspaper goes on to say that after North Korea asked China to stop the video from spreading, “Beijng was unable to oblige.” Unable or unwilling?

If mocking a dancing Kim Jong Un is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

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How Dare 911 Operators Take Calls From Non-English Speakers!

Fox and Friends NOn-English Speakers 911

The folks over at Fox & Friends were shocked and appalled this week after they learned that emergency responders were “forced” to serve non-English speakers in life-threatening situations – even if the callers were suspected of entering the country illegally!

On Wednesday’s show, the Fox friends began a lighthearted discussion on how undocumented Non-English speaking immigrants in Brooks County, Texas are “bombarding” the police department with 911 calls – which quickly devolved into Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade screaming “No English? No emergency!!”

“They stumbled across the border illegally and now they need your help!” Fox News host Steve Doocy complained, after hearing a 911 call where a distressed Spanish-speaking male requests emergency assistance for his cousin, whom the man described as “turning purple.”

“A small Texas town forced to answer 911 from stranded illegals in Spanish!” Doocy exclaimed, apparently giving up all his previously held pro-life values.

“Not only are they understaffed and lacking resources, now they’ve got to deal with illegal immigrants who have no business being here,” co-host Brian Kilmeade chimed in.

How Doocy and Kilmeade know that all the Spanish-speaking people in Texas who call 911 are “illegal immigrants who have no business being here” is still unclear. All we know is that they couldn’t possibly be Spanish-speaking Americans with an emergency or tourists trying to get help – because that wouldn’t fit into the Fox & Friends agenda.

Unfortunately for the Fox duo, Brooks County Chief Deputy Urbino “Benny” Martinez says that his department has a duty to respond to all 911 calls, regardless of language or citizenship.

“They’re on U.S. soil. Due process comes into play, and that’s the way we’re taking them as,” Martinez said.

And even worse for the Fox friends, Martinez referred to the influx of migrants as a “humanitarian crisis” (as opposed to some kind of Mexican invasion) and urged a bipartisan dialogue to swiftly address the problem.

“Forget about the Republican side, forget about the Democratic side. Sit down and have a sincere dialogue where they can actually resolve this issue,” he said. “It has to be resolved. As long as they keep stalling it, it’s going to continue until our funds are depleted.”

Humanitarian crisis? Bipartisan dialogue? Get this sheriff off the show!

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Taiwan Plane Tumbles in Typhoon

Taiwan Plane Crash

A passenger plane trying to land at a Taiwan airport in stormy, Typhoon-like weather crashed and killed 47 people.

2014: not a good year for aviation.

Flying during the tail end of Typhoon Matmo, pilots on a TransAsia Airways turboprop plane made a second attempt to land but instead the plane crashed and caught fire in the Penghu Islands. The failed emergency landing left 47 people dead, 11 injured, and multiple buildings ablaze.

“It was thunderstorm conditions during the crash,” said Hsi Wen-guang, Penghu County Government Fire Bureau spokesman.

“From the crash site we sent 11 people to hospital with injuries. A few empty apartment buildings adjacent to the runway caught fire, but no-one was inside at the time and the fire was extinguished.”

The flight was from Taipei, the capital, to the island of Penghu, which is halfway to the Chinese mainland. Although Typhoon Matmo had caused many flights to be cancelled, by the time the TransAsia flight was scheduled to take off, the typhoon warning had been lifted – a little prematurely in hindsight.

So far, 2014 is not shaping up to be a banner year in terms of air travel. With Wednesday’s crash in Taiwan and the two Malaysia Airlines flights, the total death toll for 2014 is now 606 (compared with 489 in 2013 and 439 in 2012).

Of course, MH370 could be just flying around somewhere still. Or all the passengers could be living on the moon…

Missing Plane on Moon

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China: Meat Scares and the Bubonic Plague

China Meat Scare

Looks like smog isn’t the only health-hazard the Chinese have to watch out for…

A Shanghai meat supplier is being investigated for selling expired beef and chicken to fast-food joints – and to make matters even worse, the bubonic plague is back.

Chinese branches of McDonald’s, KFC, Pizza Hut, Burger King, and even Starbucks (noooo!) have stopped using meat from a supplier in Shanghai following allegations it sold them out of date meat. A Chinese broadcaster has accused meat supplier Husi Food Co. of repackaging expired beef and chicken with new dates.

The Shanghai Municipal Food and Drug Administration said it had “decided to investigate claims of the alleged use of expired raw food material production and the processing of it in food”.

China’s investigation of Husi Food Co. prompted the FDA to seal off the company’s factories for further inspection.

But expired re-processed meat is the least of concerns for the 30,000 residents of Yumen, China who are not allowed to leave the city after a man died of the bubonic plague last week. A 38-year-old contracted the diseased after coming in contact with a dead marmot and feeding it to his dog. He developed a fever and died shortly after and now a huge chunk of the city has been sealed off from the rest of the country. Plus, 151 people have been quarantined after coming into direct contact with the man who contracted the disease.

The plague, which killed tens of millions of people throughout Europe during the 14th century, affects about 1,000 to 3,000 people every year, but bubonic plague outbreaks are rare in China. Unless of course you find a dead marmot and decide to chop it up and feed it to your dog…

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Depressed Polar Bear Wants to Move to Canada

Arturo the Polar Bear

Arturo the polar bear, also known as “the world’s saddest animal”, wants to escape his cramped, concrete enclosure at Argentina’s Mendoza Zoo and move to Canada where the winters are freezing and the maple syrup is plentiful.

After pictures of Arturo the polar bear looking ‘depressed’ in a cramped enclosure were shared online, thousands of worried polar bear lovers have signed an online petition calling for Arturo to be transferred to Assiniboine Park Zoo in Winnipeg, Canada. Animal rights advocates say Arturo paces nervously in his concrete enclosure and suggest the animal suffers from depression. They say Canada would provide the bear with a “better life” where he can enjoy a cooler climate at the specialist polar bear rehabilitation centre.

But the director of the Mendoza Zoo in western Argentina isn’t feeling the relocation of their only captive polar bear. Claiming that the 28-year-old bear is too old to safely be relocated, the zoo announced that Arturo will stay at Argentina’s Mendoza Zoo, where temperatures can climb to 104F (40C). But don’t worry – Arturo can cool off in his 20-inch-deep pool.

In fact, the sight of Arturo rocking back and forth in the heat is so sad that even former Republican presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich has taken up his cause.

“If you love animals the way I do, you’re going to want to sign the petition to save the Argentinean polar bear, Arturo,” Gingrich said. “His current living situation is very sad, and he deserves to be saved.”

Yikes. You know the zoo director is bad news when Newt Gingrich is begging him to show mercy.

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Japanese Artist Jailed for Vagina Kayak

Vagina Kayak

A Japanese artist who modeled a kayak after her vagina is “outraged” by her arrest and has vowed to fight the obscenity charges against her.

Megumi Igarashi, 42, was arrested last Saturday for sending data that could be used to create 3D models of her vagina. The Tokyo-based artist had built a yellow kayak with a top shaped like her vagina after raising about $10,000 through crowdfunding. Igarashi then sent 3D printer data of her scanned vagina – the digital basis for her kayak project – as a thank you to a number of donors. Thanks for the money – now here’s my vagina!

But before Igarashi, who also goes by the moniker Rokudenashiko, which means “no-good girl” in Japanese, could get to work on her next vagina boat, she was arrested for distributing indecent material.

The vagina “has been such a taboo in Japanese society”, Igarashi wrote on her website. “It’s been overly hidden although it’s just a part of a woman’s body.”

“I cannot agree with the police’s decision to label the data as obscene,” she later said. “To me, my vagina is like my arms and legs. It’s nothing obscene.”

But according to Japan’s obscenity laws, which ban the depiction of genitalia and blur them out in broadcast media and images, 3D vaginas are the definition of obscene.

Maybe so, but if they allow little girl urine flavoured ice cream, can vagina kayaks really be that bad?

Japan Ice Cream

At least they didn’t try go with the chocolate flavour…

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Current Event Cat of the Day: MH17

Current EVent Cat - MH17

All 298 people on board flight MH17 died when it crashed over the pro-Russian rebel-held area in eastern Ukraine on July 17. The good news is that CNN will have enough material for the next 3-6 months. The bad news is… everything else.

Since the tragedy, the US and other nations are growing increasingly suspicious of Russian complicity in the crash.

Secretary of State John Kerry said “it’s pretty clear” the missile that downed the commercial jetliner came from “a system that was transferred from Russia.”

As for Vladimir Putin, he pointed his finger at the pro-Western government in Ukraine, arguing Ukraine’s crackdown on separatist rebels stoked tensions that led to the disaster.

“I believe that if military operations had not resumed in eastern Ukraine on June 28, this tragedy probably could have been avoided,” Putin said, referring to the end of a 10-day-old cease-fire.

Interesting theory. And how can you not trust a guy who kills his political rivals?

Putin’s involvement aside, there has also been international outcry over the way rebels have handled the whole situation. Pro-Russian rebels have delayed access to the site, allowed untrained volunteers to comb through the area, and even seized the remains of MH17 victims and stored them in train cars, much to the dismay of the international community.

John Kerry said on television on Sunday, “Drunken separatists have been piling bodies into trucks and removing them from the site. What’s happening is really grotesque and it is contrary to everything President Putin and Russia said they would do.”

Pro-Russian rebels have since allowed Dutch investigators to examine bodies from the crashed MH17 flight at a railway station in eastern Ukraine, but internatonal investigators are still being denied full access to the wreckage at the accident site.

Meanwhile, heavy fighting broke out between the Ukrainian military and pro-Russian rebels on Monday – the first fight since Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 was shot down. Ukrainian military tanks reportedly launched an assault in Donetsk in an attempt to break the separatists’ hold of the city.

All in all, you know it’s a rough situation when it’s eclipsing an onslaught of Israeli air strikes and a (mainly civilian) Palestinian death toll of 500.

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So Anthrax Shouldn’t Be Stored in Ziploc Bags…?

Ziploc Bags Anthrax

Ziploc bags: If they’re good enough for my ham sandwich, they must be good enough for anthrax!

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has admitted to a dangerously lax culture in its laboratories, exposing employees to H5N1 bird flu and anthrax – which was sometimes stored in Ziploc bags.

The whole CDC/extreme negligence issue began last month when CDC employees failed to note that the anthrax they shipped to other labs last month was live. The lab was supposed to completely kill anthrax samples before sending them to two other CDC labs. But that didn’t happen. As a result, dozens of CDC workers were potentially exposed to dangerous anthrax bacteria - some of who were not examined until five days later.

Luckily no one got sick, but the agency decided it was time to conduct an internal investigation. In addition to an internal report, the CDC asked the U.S. Department of Agriculture’s Animal and Plant Health Inspection Service (APHIS) to conduct a parallel probe – because if the CDC couldn’t keep thorough track of their anthrax, they probably couldn’t conduct a thorough investigation.

APHIS found a long list of violations that the CDC didn’t catch, including transferring dangerous materials in Ziploc bags, storing anthrax in unlocked refrigerators in an unrestricted hallway, misplacing anthrax containers, and failing to decontaminate areas because workers “could not remember if they used expired bleach.”

A CDC spokesman said the agency is “carefully scrutinizing” the report. Hopefully more carefully than they handle anthrax….

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Maryland Vandals Say No To Illeagles and Yes To Illiteracy

No Illeagles

As the debate over what to do with the tens of thousands of unaccompanied undocumented Central American children rages on, folks in Maryland have decided to fight back by spray painting “NO ILLEAGLES HERE” on a building that was considered as a possible shelter for undocumented immigrant children.

The Obama administration is standing by its word to send unaccompanied minors back to where they came from, but for some folks in Maryland, it isn’t fast enough.

Last week the president asked Congress for $3.7 billion in federal funds to deal with the crisis and add more border patrol agents and judges to expedite deportations. And on Monday, the Obama administration sent back an initial wave of undocumented immigrants from Honduras – including children. The immigrants were deported from a U.S. detention center in New Mexico. Soon after they got the boot, Homeland Security announced that additional migrants will be returned to Honduras, Guatemala and El Salvador in the coming days and weeks.

Not good enough for Maryland. After word got out that a building in Westminster, Maryland was being considered as a facility to house some of the immigrant children who illegally crossed the U.S.-Mexico border in an attempt to flee violence, economic collapse and instability in their home countries, anti-immigrant vandals emerged, scribbling “No illeagles here. No undocumented Democrats” on the one-story brick building.

First, the spray paint is probably what’s making eagles sick in the first place. Second, your message to keep Spanish-speaking foreigners out of America might be a little more impactful if you yourself could speak English. Or is that ‘Murican speek?

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Sneaky Cubans Plant Hooker Story About Senator Menendez

Bob Menendez Cuba Hooker Story

Democratic Senator Bob Menendez is asking the Justice Department to pursue evidence obtained by U.S. investigators that the Cuban government concocted an elaborate plot to smear him with allegations that he canoodled with underage prostitutes.

Bob Menendez, one of Washington’s most ardent critics of the Castro regime, claimed that the hooker story published by The Daily Caller in 2012 was part of a Cuban plot to thwart his reelection campaign and his efforts to chair the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

But now he has some proof to back it up! U.S. intelligence believes the Cuban government was behind claims that New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez was soliciting underage prostitutes. The CIA has reportedly obtained “credible evidence” that Havana tried to plant the rumor that Menendez liked his hookers young in several U.S. and Latin American publications.

Word has it that pperatives from Cuba’s Directorate of Intelligence created a fake tipster who told FBI agents (among others) he had information about Menendez participating in poolside sex parties with underage prostitutes while vacationing in the Dominican Republic.

While most of the media treated the story with skepticism, the right-wing Daily Caller, founded by Fox News host Tucker Carlson, ran with it because… well, it was founded by an idiot.

“It is deeply disturbing that a foreign government whose intelligence service is an enemy of the United States might try to influence U.S. foreign policy by discrediting an elected official who is an opponent of the Cuban regime,” Menendez’s attorney said.

Since the story first ran, three Dominican women who claimed to have sex with Menendez for money have backtracked on their stories. Plus, the FBI was never able to verify the prostitution charges against him.

Oh well, I guess now we’re even for creating that fake Cuban Twitter network designed to stir up unrest and undermine the communist government in Cuba…

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