Because the war on Christmas is still 9 months away and Fox News needs to fill the air with something, there is now a war on Easter.
Bill O’Reilly took it upon himself to start the war on Easter rants last week on his show, the O’Reilly Factor. According to O’Reilly, we won the war on Christmas (really?) and now we must protect Judeo-Christian traditions by winning the war on Easter.
O’Reilly was angry about the decision of five public school districts to rename Easter eggs and bunnies spring eggs and spring bunnies.
Why is this war on Easter happening?
Because “secular progressives are running wild with President Obama in the White House. They feel unchained, liberated, and they are trying to diminish any form of religion.”
In a weird twist, O’Reilly also insinuates that if we don’t stop the war on Easter, women will be running around having abortions for any reason at any time. Just like they do in Canada. Ummm… I’m pretty sure that’s not true… but that’s a whole other issue.
The Easter issue also outraged the hosts of Fox and Friends after the principal of one Alabama elementary school instructed teachers not to have events linked to Christianity because one classroom could represent as many as six different religions.
Principal Lydia Davenport says “Kids love the bunny and we just make sure we don’t say ‘the Easter bunny’ so that we don’t infringe on the rights of others because people relate the Easter bunny to religion; a bunny is a bunny and a rabbit is a rabbit.”
The Fox news hosts argued that schools should be able to have the Easter Bunny and Easter eggs because it doesn’t have anything really to do with Easter.
“This is how it becomes so ridiculous,” Host Gretchen Carlson said, “Let’s just call it Easter and move on. Next week, you don’t have to worry about it.”
Yes, next week the war of Easter will be over. Until Fox needs something to talk about next year.
Kim Jong-un wets his pants as US stealth bombers fly over South Korea. The US has flown two B-2 stealth bombers over South Korea as part of a joint military drill to prove its forces could conduct “long-range, precision strikes quickly and at will”. This show of force will likely further enrage North Korea who has already threatened nuclear strikes against the US and South Korea. Washington and Seoul say the drills are routine and defensive but North Korea isn’t known for underreacting… National Post
The chocolate bunny legal battle is over. Bringing an end to more than a decade of court battles, Lindt loses the case over the Easter bunny trademark. The German court rejected Swiss chocolate maker Lindt’s plea to trademark their gold foil wrapped chocolate Easter bunny—with its distinct trademark red bow tie. Who won the case? Confiserie Riegelein, the German chocolate maker that Lindt said was producing similar bunnies. Peter Riegelein, head of the family-owned chocolate company, was thrilled with the decision. “The sitting gold-wrapped bunny has been a firm part of our offering for at least a half century.” Bunnies for everyone! Reuters
Former South African President Nelson Mandela is back in the hospital and “responding positively” to treatment for the recurrence of a lung infection. This marks the third time in four months that Mandela, 94, South Africa’s first black president, has been hospitalized. Apparently Mandela has struggled with lung problems since he contracted tuberculosis during his 27 years in prison in the apartheid era. Still… 94 is pretty good. New York Times
Savers rejoice as banks reopen in Cyprus! After a nearly two-week shutdown to hammer out the bailout package, banks reopened today in Cyrpus. The banks will place strict control on transactions, including a limit of withdrawals. Otherwise everyone would withdraw everything. Officials say the emergency rules imposed to prevent a bank run will be temporary, initially for seven days, but economists say they will be difficult to lift as long as the economy is in crisis. On a more positive note, at least they reached a bailout agreement with the EU this week. Which is likely to push Cyprus deeper into an economic slump, shrink the banking sector and cost thousands of jobs… Reuters
New details have emerged from the Adam Lanza / Newtown shooting case. Police have revealed that it only took five minutes for Adam Lanza to kill 26 children and teachers at Sandy Hook Elementary School, effectively ruining everybody’s Christmas. Literature distributed by the National Rifle Association (NRA) was discovered inside the home of Newtown shooter. One of the books removed from Lanza’s home is a spiral-bound volume titled, NRA Guide to the Basics of Pistol Shooting. Other items discovered in his home include a massive amount of ammunition, swords, and a bulletproof vest. Police say Lanza’s motive is still unclear and they hope to have a full report by June. NBC News
Does Pope Francis have a foot fetish? Pope Francis is determined to be a humble pope and to prove it he will wash the feet of prisoners in a youth detention centre near Rome. The washing of feet on the Thursday before Easter is a Christian tradition commemorating Christ’s Last Supper. During the service, the Pope is supposed to wash and kiss the feet of 12 people to replicate the Bible’s account of Jesus Christ’s gesture of humility towards his 12 apostles on the night before he was crucified. Fine, but did he have to choose prisoners? BBC News
Oscar Pistorius, the blade runner charged with murdering his girlfriend, is now allowed to travel after he challenged his bail terms. A judge said the Olympic and Paralympic star would be allowed to leave South Africa to compete as long as he complies with certain conditions. Fun fact: Oscar’s borther Carl is also on trial for homicide. Their parents must be very proud. Globe and Mail
Current Event Cat of the Day:
Brazilian doctor Virginia Soares de Souza has been charged with killing seven patients in order to free up hospital beds in an intensive care unit, according to a Health Ministry investigator. The Brazilian investigator also said that De Souza may be responsible for as many as 300 deaths.
Prosecutors say that the 56-year-old De Souza and her medical team administered muscle-relaxing drugs to patients at the Evangelical Hospital in the southern city of Curitiba, then lowered their oxygen supplies, causing them to die of asphyxiation.
Secret tapes of De Souza’s phone conversations revealed her motives:
“I want to clear the intensive care unit. It’s making me itch,” she said in one recording.
Three other doctors, three nurses and a physiotherapist who worked under De Souza have also been charged with murder and there are still many more cases to look into.
Via: Current Event Cats
The Pope is slumming it. Pope Francis, known for taking the bus and not wearing fancy red shoes, has shunned the regal papal apartment that sits on top of the Apostolic Palace. Instead, he opted for a simple Vatican home alongside other clergy. The pope is currently staying in a simple two-room flat in Domus Santa Martha. His decision to stay in the humble abode is consistent with his desire for the religion to become a ‘poor church, for the poor’ and to prioritise disadvantaged groups. Well, he’s certainly making Pope Benedict sound like a dick. Daily Mail
Sucks to be in Madagascar. A severe plague of locusts has infested about half of Madagascar, threatening crops and raising concerns about food shortages. The billions (and I mean billions) of plant-devouring insexts could cause hunger for over half of the population. The UN’s Food and Agricultural Organzation is calling it the worst plague to hit the island nation since the 1950s. I don’t remember the movie being like this….. BBC News
Former CIA director David Petraeus has apologized for the extramarital affair that ruined his career. Patraeus told a Los Angeles veterans’ group on Tuesday that he was sorry for his conduct and acknowledge that he is now regarded in “a different light.” The retired four-star general had resigned in disgrace in November 2012 from his position as the head of the CIA after admitting to an extramarital affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. The scandal surrounding the affair gained strong media attention, partially due to its complexity. Associated Press
Ashley Judd announced she will not be running for US Senate. Judd made the announcement via Twitter as her face was too frozen from years of plastic surgery to deal with a public appearance. “Regretfully, I am currently unable to consider a campaign for the Senate,” Judd tweeted. “After serious and thorough contemplation, I realize that my responsibilities and energy at this time need to be focused on my family.” Judd had been publicly and privately flirting with a bid for several months, but I guess ultimately decided she might make a fool of herself. Politico
Would you listen to 30 minutes of Disney’s “It’s a Small World” for $8,000? Well, a disabled man who was stuck on Disneyland’s ‘It’s A Small World’ ride for 30 minutes has just won a lawsuit against the theme park. Jose Martinez, 55, got stuck when the ride broke down and was unable to be evacuated with the other riders since he uses a wheelchair. The “Small World” song played over and over, which aggravated Martinez’s panic attacks and high blood pressure. The CIA is now looking into using the song during interrogations (no, they’re not). San Francisco Chronicle
“Winning takes care of everything” – at least according to Tiger Woods. The new Nike ad featuring the Tiger Woods and his September 2012 quote is raising a few eyebrows. Some say it’s just about sports, while others interpreted the slogan as referring to his past marital problems and multiple affairs. Maybe they should ask his ex-wife Elin Nordegren if winning takes care of everything. She certainly won in the divorce… CBC News
Apparently, everyone wants in Jon Hamm’s pants. Two major underwear companies have sought out the well-endowed actor with offers to cover up his junk with their product.
Jon Hamm, who enjoys going commando, caused quite a stir last week when people began noticing a rather large bulge in many photos of the Mad Men star. After pictures of Jon Hamm’s bulging package made the Internet rounds, it was reported that Hamm was “politely” asked to wear underwear during his Mad Men scenes to hide the bulge caused by the era’s snug trousers and shorts. Apparently, Hamm’s bulge was so prominent it forced the show’s marketing team to Photoshop everything from billboards to promotional posters for Mad Men.
Hamm, it seems, was none too pleased with his penis press, telling the Rolling Stone:
“They’re called privates for a reason… But whatever. I guess it’s better than being called out for the opposite.”
Now Hamm’s junk has the attention of two major underwear companies: Fruit of the Loom and Jockey.
“Jockey would like to offer our support for Jon Hamm in the form of a lifetime supply of Jockey underwear,” a rep for Jockey told TMZ.
Not to be outdone, Fruit of the Loom responded:
“We want people to be themselves. And if going commando makes you happy, we say go for it. But in case you change your mind, we got you covered.“
If Jon Hamm does take the underwear companies up on their offer, it will not only be bad news for women everywhere but also for the tumblr site “Jon Hamm’s Wang” which has been posting photos for over two year.
Shaun McClusky, a failed Republican mayoral candidate, plans to give away dozens of free shotguns in Tucson, Arizona.
Could it be? A worse mayoral candidate than Toronto’s Rob Ford? Yes!
Shaun McClusky told the Tucson Weekly that he was leading a Tucson chapter of the Armed Citizen Project, which launched in Houston earlier this year with a mandate to prove that more guns mean less crime. McClusky has already raised $12,000 in pledges, enough to arm at least three dozen people.
What better way to reduce gun violence than to hand out free shotguns! Sounds like someone has been spending their spare time listening to Wayne LaPierre. And what better place to hand out free guns than in Tuscon, the same town where former U.S. Representive Gabrielle Giffords and 18 other people were shot. Very appropriate!
When asked if the Armed Citizens Project was hesitant to take its message to Tucson, executive director Kyle Coplen said, “Nope.”
The Tucson program will target the high-crime neighbourhoods of Pueblo Gardens, Midvale Park and the Grant-Campbell area. Participants in these areas will receive a $350 package that includes a background check, training course, cleaning kit, shotgun and ammunition. Oh, I guess if they have a training class, everything will be fine.
But not everyone agrees with this foolproof plan to reduce crime.
“For someone to say it makes sense to be giving away loaded shotguns in high-crime areas is absolute lunacy,” Ward 6 Councilman Steve Kozachik told the Tucson Weekly. “These people have lost their minds.”
Via: The Huffington Post
Fox News host Bill O’Reilly claims that gay marriage opponents have a weak argument and are basically a bunch of bible thumpers.
On the O’Reilly Factor last night, the conservative host discussed the ongoing Supreme Court cases regarding same-sex marriage with his colleague Megyn Kelly. Both O’Reilly and Kelly agreed that public poicy should not be determined by religion and arguments against same sex marriage were not very persuasive once the religious aspect was removed. Who knew Bill O’Reilly would come out in favour of gay marriage? Well, he’s not necessarily “in favour”, but he says he doesn’t really care one way or another… I’ll take it!
“I agree with you 100 percent, the compelling argument is on the side of homosexuals,” O’Reilly said. “That is where the compelling argument is. We’re Americans, we just want to be treated like everybody else.”
“That’s a compelling argument, and to deny that you’ve got to have a very strong argument on the other side. And the other side hasn’t been able to do anything but thump the Bible.”
“I support civil unions, I always have,” he added. “The gay marriage thing, I don’t feel that strongly about it one way or the other. I think the states should do it.”
Attention gay marriage opponents: when Bill O’Reilly starts to sound more reasonable than you, it’s time to start second-guessing yourself. I’m talking to you, Saxby “I’m not gay so I’m not going to marry one” Chambliss.
Of course, it wouldn’t be a true Bill O’Reilly segment if he didn’t take a jab at the Democrats. He calls both Bill Clinton and Barack Obama “phonies” and “sleazy politicians” for changing their opinions on gay marriage based on public support.
Here’s the clip:
Current Event Cat of the Day:
The US Supreme Court will hear arguments today about striking down the Defense of Marriage Act. DOMA defines a marriage as a union between a man and a woman only. The 1996 law prohibits federal agencies from recognizing same-sex marriages and denies federal benefits to same-sex couples.
In a sign of how far public opinion has come on the issue, DOMA passed with overwhelming majorities in both Houses of Congress shortly before it was signed into law by President Bill Clinton. Clinton has since reversed his opinion and asked the court to strike it down.
On Tuesday California’s Proposition 8, which bans gay marriage, was discussed by the nine justices. The court seems to lean towards not making any kind of ruling on Prop 8. Some justices were wary of veering into “unchartered waters” while others were hesitant to rule because gay-marriage is “newer than cell phones or the Internet”. Rulings in both cases are expected before the end of June.
Via: Current Event Cats
What Reagan Missed: Other News of the Day
The Toronto Star/Mayor Ford feud continues. The Toronto Star reported that mayor/butterball Rob Ford was asked to leave a military gala last month because of public drunkenness. A committee member said “he seemed either drunk, high or had a medical condition.” Rob Ford furiously denies that he has a serious problem with alcohol and his staff wants him in rehab. He also went off on a Toronto Star-hating rant. The public intoxication story came out just weeks after the major was accused of groping former rival candidate Sarah Thomson. The Toronto Star
Another day, another Donald Trump rant. Who does Donald Trump have beef with now? The Scottish! Trump is angry at the Scottish government for allowing a wind farm to be developed off Aberdeen. Trump claims the extra wind will blow his carefully styled comb over out of place. No, but it will ruin the sea view for golfers on his Scottish golf course. That’s definitely more important than a sustainable energy source that would provide enough energy for over 50,000 homes. BBC News
North Korea continues to harass the United States. We don’t have time for this Kim Jong-un!! Angered by stricter U.N. sanctions and joint military exercises by the United States and South Korea, North Korea has issued another threat to the U.S. The latest threat involves placing military units tasked with targeting U.S. bases under “combat ready” status. Did Dennis Rodman’s diplomatic mission accomplish nothing?! CNN
Drones are now being used to protect rhinos. Guards in India’s Kaziranga national park will soon get their revenge on AK-47 wielding poachers. The state government is not only sending in additional guards armed with automatic weapons but is also planning to deploy drones to monitor poachers by air. The park guards will also be immune from prosecution if they kill a poacher while protecting a rhino. But looking at the brutality in which the poachers steal the rhino horns, they might have it coming… Get ready for an increase in undocumented killings deep in the forest. The Wall Street Journal
Better get your abortions now, North Dakotans. Governor Jack Dalrymple signed legislation today that that would make North Dakota the nation’s most restrictive state on abortion rights. The legislation bans abortions as soon as a fetal heartbeat can be detected — which can be as early as six weeks into a pregnancy. Also banned: abortions based on genetic defects such as Down syndrome. Associated Press
New Jersey immigrant strikes it rich. Pedro Quezada, 44, is the sole winner of the $338.3 million Powerball jackpot. The father of five, who came to America 26 years ago from the Dominican, was a creature of habit: everyday he would buy a lottery ticket and 2-3 bottles of beer at the same New Jersey store everyday. Lesson learned: drinking and gambling will eventually pay off. New York Post