Archive | April, 2013

Awful Sorority Girl Resigns from Delta Gamma

Sorority Girl Rant

Well, I guess if A.J Clemente got fired for profanity, the Maryland Sorority girl should hand in her papers as well.

Rebecca Martinson, the author of the profantity-filled email to her sorority sisters that went uber viral last week, has resigned from the University of Maryland’s Delta Gamma sorority chapter.

The email, which brought as such treasures as “cunt punt”, lashed out at her fellow sorority sisters for being awkward and boring in front of some fraternity during Greek Week. Sorry, I mean “so f*cking AWKWARD and so f*cking BORING.”

Someone out there didn’t take too kindly to being told they “F*CKING SUCK” and passed it around. Eventually the letter reached Deadspin and Gawker and the whole thing quickly went viral.

In the end, Rebecca was the cunt who got punted because she wrote/was forced to write her resignation letter. The sorority’s official Facebook page referred to the email as “highly inappropriate and unacceptable” and stated that:

Delta Gamma has accepted the resignation of one of its members whose email relating to a social event has been widely distributed and publicized through social media and traditional media channels.”

The full text of the email can be seen here (it’s realllly long), but below are a couple of choice excerpts. Caution: this email is going to be a rough f*cking ride.

If you just opened this like I told you to, tie yourself down to whatever chair you’re sitting in, because this email is going to be a rough f*cking ride.

For those of you that have your heads stuck under rocks, which apparently is the majority of this chapter, we have been F*CKING UP in terms of night time events and general social interactions with Sigma Nu.

Newsflash you stupid cocks: FRATS DON’T LIKE BORING SORORITIES. Oh wait, DOUBLE F*CKING NEWSFLASH: SIGMA NU IS NOT GOING TO WANT TO HANG OUT WITH US IF WE F*CKING SUCK, which by the way in case you’re an idiot and need it spelled out for you, WE F*CKING SUCK SO FAR.

NO ONE F*CKING LIKES THAT, ESPECIALLY OUR F*CKING MATCHUP. I will f*cking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something like that, and I don’t give a f*ck if you SOR me, I WILL F*CKING ASSAULT YOU.

I would rather have 40 girls that are fun, talk to boys, and not f*cking awkward than 80 that are f*cking f*ggots.

And for those of you who are offended at this email, I would apologize but I really don’t give a f*ck. Go f*ck yourself.

Regina George, is that you…?

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Russian Psychiatric Hospital

Current Event Cat - Russian Fire Psychiatric Hospital

A fire has engulfed an entire wing of a psychiatric hospital in the Moscow area.

38 people are dead, mostly patients of the psychiatric hospital who died in the beds. Only three people managed to survive the fire – a nurse and two patients.

Early reports suggest a patient with drug problems ignored a smoking ban, which caused the fire to start. The fire quickly spread, consuming the one-story brick and wood building. The nurse only duty only managed to evacuate two patients, possibly because the fire spread quickly and more than two-thirds of the patients regularly took powerful antipsychotic medications before going to bed.

Other factors causing the high death toll: the nearest fire station is a 40-minute drive from the mental facility, some windows had security bars, and Russia is not known for it’s proper fire exits.

Investigators also discovered a large hole 1.5 meters deep beneath the building. Apparently, one of the patients may have been digging an escape tunnel. If only he had dug a little faster…

Via: Current Event Cats

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George W. Gets a Library… And Other News

George W. Tribute

Everyone gathered around today to pay tribute to George W. Bush in Dallas at the dedication of a museum, policy institute and library built in his name: the George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum.

And by everyone, I mean the 5 living presidents, their spouses, a collection of current and former foreign leaders and lawmakers, hundreds of former Bush administration officials and thousands of his admirers. It was an emotional day for George W., who choked up as he finished his speech. Bill Clinton, however, took things in a different direction and addressed the thing that’s been on everyone’s mind: George W.’s new painting career: 

“Your mother showed me some of your landscapes and animal paintings and I thought they were great. I seriously considered calling you to paint my own portrait, until I saw the emails that were stolen from your sister’s account,” Clinton said. “Those bathroom sketches were wonderful. But at my age, I think I need to keep my suit on.”

They are nice paintings though:

George W. Bush Paintings

New York Times

Bombers in NYCNext stop: New York City! That’s what he Boston Marathon bombers were thinking until they got shot/captured. Mayor Bloomberg announced today that the suspects planned to drive to New York City and detonate the rest of their bomb stockpile in Times Square. As much as I hate Times Square, that’s not a very nice thing to do. Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the remaining suspect who is currently in the hospital, provided the new information. Unfortunately, following 16 hours of interrogation, Tsarnaev stopped cooperating with officials after being read his legal rights to remain silent and have a lawyer. Did he not know that before? Has he never seen Law & Order?? So many questions… NBC News

Marco RubioWell that’s a bit of an overreaction Sen. Marco Rubio, the GOP’s solution to immigration reform, said that he was “open” to considering the idea of halting all student visas from Muslim countries as a reaction to this month’s Boston Marathon bombings. When asked how the terrorist attack may affect immigration reform, Rubio said ,“We need to be open to changes that provide more security. I don’t like profiling anybody or singling or generally leading, on the other hand student visas are something this country does because it’s in our national interest but you don’t have a right to a student visa. I’m not prepared to take a firm position on restriction. I want to learn about what might have worked to prevent past attacks.” Note: the Boston bombing suspects did not come to the States on student visas. But I guess they could have…? Raw Story 

Jaser-court-room-sketchCome to think of it, Rubio might be on to something… News got out today that Canadian immigration authorities tried to deport the Toronto VIA Rail terror suspect nine years ago but were unable to because, as a stateless Palestinian, he could not be sent to any other country. Instead, officials were forced to set him free two days after he was arrested on an outstanding immigration warrant. That’s quite the loophole. National Post

man-cat-gunF*ck Nelson, Georgia! Craig, Colorado has totally one-upped those losers. The Colorado town is looking into a proposal that would require that every home have at least one gun – but not just any type of gun like those Nelson wimps – but an assault-style rifle / AK-47. Craig resident Craig Rummel (was the town named after him? It should be!) asked City Council members to consider passing the ordinance which would apply to all households within Craig city limits. Now, obviously Rummel is not insane – he has requested exemptions for those not physically or mentally capable of operating a firearm. While most council members agreed with Rummel’s message, some were unsure about whether to implement it. In the end, Craig Mayor Terry Carwile said they’d think about it. Craig Daily Press

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Zubeidat Tsarnaeva is a Little Nuts

Zubeidat Tsarnaeva

Zubeidat Tsarnaeva, the mother of the Boston Marathon bombings suspects, is a bigger fan of conspiracy theories than Glenn Beck.

I guess now we all know where the Tsarnaev brothers got their crazy from….

Crazy Thing #1: My sons were not involved in the bombing

Since the news broke, Zubeidat Tsarnaeva has maintained her sons were innocent. She swears Tamerlan and Dzhokhar couldn’t be involved in a bomb plot, and therefore were being framed by the government “just because they were Muslim.” She has dismissed all the evidence presented so far and denied that her youngest son Dzhokar had told investigators anything.

“It is really, really a hard thing to hear. And being a mother, what I can say is that I am really sure, I am, like, 100 percent sure, that this is a set-up,” she said.

Crazy Thing #2: There was no bombing

Zubeidat believes that the bombing that killed 3 people and injured 150+ was fake. Insisting that the bombing was staged, she told CNN that there wasn’t any blood – it was red paint. She likened the whole carnage scene to a “really big play” with streets splashed with paint.

Crazy Things #3: Everything is America’s fault

At a news conference today in the Russian republic of Dagestan, Zubeidat Tsarnaeva blamed America for all her problems.

“Yes, I would prefer not to live in America now like, why did I even go there — why?,” Zubeidat said, nearly breaking into tears. “I thought America was going to like protect us, our kids, it was going to be safe for any reason. But it happened the opposite. My kids — America took my kids away from me — only America. So why wouldn’t I regret? Why?”

Yeah, I don’t think America really wants you back either….

Fun fact: While the suspects’ father, Anzor Tsarnaev, has announced he will travel to the States to claim the body of his elder son, Zubeidat is unsure whether or not she will accompany him. Why? Because she was charged with shoplifting in the US last year and is worried that she will be arrested if she returns.

Via: The New York Times

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Arizona Student: You Deserve Rape! ….or Grape?

You Deserve Grape

Arizona students are conflicted – do women deserve rape, do women deserve grape, or does nobody deserve rape? It’s a tough one.

One Arizona student has it figured out though. Dean Saxton, a junior at the University of Arizona, created a stir on campus this week when he interrupted a campus sexual assault awareness event and started preaching against women while holding a sign proclaiming, “You deserve rape.”

Saxton, known for his on-campus Christian rants, told the Arizona Daily Wildcat that his sermon was meant to convey “if you dress like a whore, act like a whore, you’re probably going to get raped.”

“I think that girls that dress and act like it,” Saxton said, “they should realize that they do have partial responsibility, because I believe that they’re pretty much asking for it.”

Hmm. I think I’d rather ask for grape.

Others agreed, because the Dean of Students Office received a ton of written complaints, emails, phone calls – basically every form of communication. But Kendal White, the interim dean of students, said that despite the offensiveness of Saxton’s sermon about women, since he never directly threatened anyone, the school couldn’t take any action.

“We find it to be vulgar and vile,” White said. “However, it is protected speech. He has yet to, at this point, violate the student code of conduct.”

In other sermons, Saxton, a religious studies major, has ranted against people who are gay, have pre-marital sex, masturbate or have lustful thoughts. He’s also anti-Muslim – shocker.

Students can often hear him on campus shouting things like “All you homos, you’re going to hell. All you masturbators, you’re going to hell,” while wearing a T-shirt that says, “You deserve hell.”

I don’t know about hell, but I think I know someone who deserves a little rape…

Via: The Daily Wildcat 

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Oops! Accidental Penis Drawn on Mars

Penis on Mars

What do frat boys and NASA’s high-tech Curiosity rover have in common? Both have a penchant for penis drawings.

A photo of Curiosity’s penis-like track patterns appeared on the NASA website and quickly went viral after being posted on Reddit with the caption “Mars Rover = $800M, Team to Operate = $1B. Drawing a penis on the surface of another planet = Priceless.” The accidental penis drawing was so popular that NASA’s website crashed due to increased traffic as the word spread.

The $800 million Curiosity rover robot probe was definitely money well spent! The rover landed on Mars in August last year with the intent to examine the red planet’s surface in search of life. I guess it didn’t find any, got bored, and started drawing pictures of giant penises. Or maybe the rover was just a big Jon Hamm fan.

Curiosity is controlled by a team of soon to be fired NASA engineers who send out instructions twice a day to the six-wheeled penis-loving machine.

Via: The Huffington Post

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Spain’s Unemployment Rate

Current Event Cat - Spanish Unemployment Rate

Spain’s unemployment rate has hit an all time high of 27.2% of the workforce. That’s 6 million Spaniards!

Actually, that’s over 6 million Spaniards. On the bright side though, the rate of increase of the unemployment rate has slowed down since the recession began. That’s something, I guess.

Some people aren’t so optimistic though:

“These figures are worse than expected and highlight the serious situation of the Spanish economy as well as the shocking decoupling between the real and the financial economy,” strategist at Citi in Madrid Jose Luis Martinez said.

Spain’s economy – the fourth largest in Europe – has had a rough go since the recession hit. The collapse of a property boom combined with billions of euros in state spending cuts and tax hikes have left the population feeling not so great about their economy.

Rajoy to the rescue! Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy is set to unveil a new reform plan on Friday aimed at combating the recession. However, the news of a new plan won’t stop thousands of demonstrators from taking to the streets of Madrid on Thursday in protest of Spain’s austerity measures.

Via: Current Event Cats

Bangladesh Building Bust… And Other News

bangladesh building collapse

Not such great news coming out of Bangladesh. Nearly 100 people were killed near Dhaka when an eight-story garment factory collapsed.

While more than 600 people were rescued, there are fears that more remain trapped under the rubble. Bangladesh is known for many things (cheap labour, distinctive smells, Bengal tigers, etc) but excellent factory conditions are not one of them. Cracks in the building had been detected earlier in the week but the factory owners told workers not to worry. In unrelated news, Wal-Mart stores across America are experiencing a temporary shortage in cheap clothing. Reuters

CheeeeeseburgerAttention obese people: there’s a new way to help you put down that hamburger! A new study by researchers at Texas Christian University (sounds reputable!) has found that menus displaying the exercise needed to burn calories in meals can help people consumer less. Diners who know that it takes two hours of speed walking to burn off a cheeseburger are more likely to order a less caloric option.  On average, diners who knew the amount of time they would need to spend on the old treadmill consumed 100 fewer calories in a meal. Let’s see if it works: tonight Reagan will be having Pizza Hut pizza – let’s say 3 slices. 900 calories. Time it will take to walk it off: 3 hours and 45 minutes. F*ck…. BBC News

Crazy ChristiansA Pennsylvania couple, currently on probation for the 2009 death of their toddler son from pneumonia, are once again in the spotlight after letting a second child die of a treatable illness. You’d think they would have realized prayers aren’t antibiotics the first time their child died…. But no, Herbert and Catherine Schaibleare are a couple of Christian fundamentalists who believe that praying is a more viable option than taking a child to the doctor. When their 8-month-old son suffered through days of diarrhea and breathing problems, the couple asked God to heal their baby. Instead, the baby died. They still have 7 more children though – who thankfully have been removed from their parents’ custody. Raw Story

ObamasObama has a foolproof plan to make sure his daughters don’t appear on America’s Worst Tattoos. The president revealed to the Today show that he and Michelle told their two daughters, 14-year-old Malia and 11-year-old Sasha, “If you guys ever decided you’re going to get a tattoo, then Mommy and me will get the exact same tattoo in the same place. And we’ll go on YouTube and show it off as a family tattoo.” Yep, that would probably be a deterrent. Or a challenge… What if they got tramp stamps of Romney’s face? Atlantic Wire

STOP Ja?Oh Switzerland, such a beautiful landscape, such a racist population. In an ongoing effort to rid the country of Eastern and undesirable Western Europeans, Switzerland announced it intends to restrict immigration from all 27 member of the European Union – instead of just the eight Eastern European countries it currently has quotas on. Amid pressure from the political far right, the government will apply a limit to the number of work permits issued and try to keep the population a little more Swiss, and a little less euro. BBC News

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A More Effective Conservative Attack Ad

Trudeau vs Harper Attack Ad

After Justin Trudeau won the Liberal leadership last week, Conservatives were quick to put out an attack ad slamming his lack of political experience and questionable judgment.

The attack ad, seen below, created a bit of backlash for the Conservatives, who used a quote from 1999 and footage from a strip charity event.

But now, with the help of FM96, the Conservatives have an even more effective strategy to combat Justin Trudeau and his growing popularity.

Vote Stephen Harper: Nobody Wants to Bang Him. Especially if they’ve been to the Kingston Frontenac Public Library and seen this lovely painting:

Nude Harper

Sadly, this “Unsexy Prime Minister” tactic eliminates the possibility of Peter Mackay ever running for the Conservative leadership spot. He’s far too sexually threatening to garner enough votes.

So what’s another good tactic to make Stephen Harper seem less scary and more loveable? Cover him with kittens!

Prime Minister with kittens

“Done! He’s got my vote!” said everyone in every province.

Works every time…

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Body Found May be Sunil Tripathi: Way to Go Reddit!

Tripathi

A body that was pulled form the Providence River Tuesday evening may (or may not) be that of missing 22-year-old Sunil Tripathi.

Tripathi, a Brown University student, has been missing since March 16, during which time Reddit mistakenly accused him of being the Boston Marathon bomber.

Redditors / wannabe amateur e-sleuths created a Reddit subsection called “findbostonbombers,” where users studied pictures and videos from the attack in an attempt to find any e-clues. Tripathi became involved when Redditors mistakenly identified him as the “white hat” suspect.

The student was last seen near his apartment by the University campus. He had left home without his cell phone or wallet – which doesn’t sound promising.

A body was discovered in the river behind Wyndham Garden Providence Hotel at about 6 p.m. by the coach of Brown’s rowing team. Providence, Rhode Island, Police Lt. Joseph Donnelly told authorities that it is “very, very possible” the body is Tripathi’s. However, the medical examiner’s office has yet to positively identify the body as Tripathi.

The moderator of the “FindBostonBombers” subreddit put out this statement last week:

I’d like to extend the deepest apologies to the family of Sunil Tripathi for any part we may have had in relaying what has turned out to be faulty information. We cannot begin to know what you’re going through and for that we are truly sorry. Several users, twitter users, and other sources had heard him identified as the suspect and believed it to be confirmed. We were mistaken.

This event shows exactly why the no personal information until confirmation rule is in place. Out of respect for Tripathi and his family, I ask that users here please remove any and all links about him. Thank you.

Speaking of jumping the gun on bombing suspects, how are those two bag men on the cover of the New York Post doing?

Bag Men

UPDATE: Yes, it was his body. Cause of death undetermined at this point…

Via: The Huffington Post

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