Archive | August, 2013

Ted Cruz Doesn’t Want to be Canadian and Canadians Don’t Want to be Ted Cruz. And Other News…

Ted Cruz Canadian

If Obama doesn’t have to be “Kenyan” then Ted Cruz doesn’t have to be Canadian!

U.S. Senator Ted Cruz said Monday that he will renounce his Canadian citizenship after a newspaper pointed out that he may still be a dual citizen. The Texas Republican and Tea Party favourite said “Nothing against Canada, but I’m an American by birth and as a U.S. Senator, I believe I should be only an American.” Ted Cruz was born in Calgary while his father was stationed there for work and moved back to America at the age of 4. Cruz is desperate to get rid of his “Canadian stigma” in anticipation of the 2016 Republican presidential primary. But considering the crap birthers put Obama through for having a Kenyan father (even though he was born in the US), Ted Cruz might have a bit of a ‘Blame Canada’ situation on his hands. CBC News

North Korea MethNorth Korea has a meth problem. This explains a lot… I mean, how else can unbridled devotion to Kim Jong Un be explained? While North Korea has been a meth factory for years, a new report by the North Korean Review has found that parts of North Korea are experiencing a crystal meth “epidemic” with an “upsurge” of recreational meth use and addiction in the country’s northern provinces. The study says that between 40 and 50 percent of the population in northern areas of the country are addicted to crystal meth. Whoa – that’s methed up! Native methed up! The report also details how meth production, which was once manufactured in big state-run labs for quick cash, has now shifted to home kitchens. Well, now the Dennis Rodman trip makes a little more sense…. Business Insider

Ketchup with Rodent FurWould you like some ketchup with your rodent fur? If you do, then Heinz ketchup is the ketchup for you! Brazilian health officials have banned a batch of Mexican-made Heinz ketchup after detecting traces of rodent fur. No word yet on the extent of the contamination, but if there’s even a little bit of rat fur in your ketchup, it’s pretty much ruined. But not to worry ketchup lovers – Mexican officials are on the case. The Mexican authorities have ordered their own inquiry into the rodent fur situation and have ordered an inspection of the factory where the batch was produced. Considering they’re still trying to figure out how to get worms out of tequila, I have a feeling this inquiry will be longer than a siesta. BBC News

Teen OklahomaWhat do teens do for fun in Oklahoma? They kill random people. Three Oklahoma teenagers were charged on Tuesday with randomly targeting and killing a 23-year-old Australian man as he was jogging. The three retards admitted to police that they shot the college student in the back because they were bored. James Edwards Jr., 15, and Chancey Luna, 16, were charged as adults with felony murder in the first degree. Michael Jones, 17, faces two charges — use of a vehicle in the discharge of a weapon and accessory after the fact to murder in the first degree. The prosecutor referred to the three as “thugs” and said Edwards, who had gotten in trouble with the law before the shooting too, “thinks it’s all a joke.” Well, the joke will probably be on them after they spend their entire adult lives in jail. CNN

Manning 35 YearsWell, that’s a little extreme…. Bradley Manning, the 25-year-old private convicted of leaking thousands of classified documents to WikiLeaks, has been sentenced to 35 years in prison, a military judge ruled today. Prosecutors wanted at least a 60-year prison sentence, arguing it would send a pretty strong message to other potential leakers. The defence suggested a prison term of no more than 25 years so that Manning could get his life back together. So I guess 35 years is…ok? Well, I hope the three Oklahoma teenagers get more than that. Globe and Mail

Toxic Nerve GasMore bad news out of Syria – this time with toxic gas. Two Syrian rebel groups say hundreds (possibly 600!) were killed when government forces fired rockets with chemical warheads into Damascus suburbs. Syrian authorities are denying everything, dismissing the reports of a chemical attack as “baseless” and insisting the accusations have been fabricated to cover up rebel losses. But amateur videos show victims sprawled out on hospital floors gasping for breath and convulsing, with others being treated with hand-pump respirators. The attack, which involved rockets filled with toxic nerve gas, comes just one day after chemical weapons experts were sent to Damascus by the United Nations to investigate the government’s alleged use of nerve gas. Awkwaaard. Al Jazzera

Current Event Cat - SafariReagan is off on a safari to see the big cats of Africa (for research purposes obviously…) We will be back FULL TIME September 10th!

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Evangelist Doug Sehorne Uses Modern Family Image as Book Cover

Modern Family Image Doug Sehorne

Fundamentalist Bible-thumper Doug Sehorne accidentally used a Modern Family image for the cover of his e-book, ‘Bible Principles of Child Discipline.’ It’s a gaffe of biblical proportions!

Doug Sehorne, best known for his anti-homosexuality rants, was unaware that the picture he used for his e-book cover was from the gay-friendly sitcom Modern Family, which features a gay couple, played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson and Eric Stonestreet, and their adopted child.

Once someone called him out on it, he got pretty angry and defensive. Sehorne took out his anger on his facebook page, writing:

“FALSELY ACCUSED, I do not even have a TV and have not for 35 years. I have never heard of the TV Show.

“Anyone who knows me, knows I would never condone such wickedness as sodomy or even TV.”

Sehorne Rant

Not sure why TV is wicked, but having a Facebook page and twitter account is not… but I guess logic has never been Doug Sehorne’s forte .

And neither is copyright law apparently. Sehorne found the images of the sitcom family by doing a quick Google search and assumed those images were not copyrighted. Yikes, that’s even more embarrassing than the homosexual family part! But, hey – it could happen to anyone! (who hasn’t watched TV in 35 years and doesn’t understand copyright laws…)

Cover aside, the book looked like a great read (and a steal at 99 cents!). Amazon gives the description, “With many Christian parents losing their children to the world, this book gives fresh Biblical insight on how to discipline children properly and teach them charater [sic].” The book also gives some great advice, such as: “You cannot raise the kids without a paddle!”

Some advice to Doug Sehorne – you cannot market a book without having anyone proofread it.

Via: The Huffington Post

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Current Event Dog (!?!?!) of the Day: Sunny Obama

Sunny Obama

Proving once again that once you go black, you never go back, the Obamas have added a new black Portuguese water dog to the family: Sunny Obama.

Not to be outdone by the British royal family’s leaked portraits, the Obamas took to twitter to announce Sunny Obama as their royal addition.

First lady Michelle Obama tweeted out at about 8 p.m. ET, “So excited to introduce the newest member of the Obama family — our puppy, Sunny!

The new puppy, named Sunny Obama for her friendly nature, is of the same breed as 4-year-old Bo Obama. Sunny, however, is a girl – so maybe their hoping love sparks will fly.

The White House released this joyful statement on their blog along with some pictures of Bo and Sunny becoming fast friends:

Sunny was born in Michigan in June 2012, and arrived at the White House today. Just like Bo, she’s a Portuguese Water Dog, which works great for the Obamas because of allergies in their family.

Sunny is the perfect little sister for Bo – full of energy and very affectionate – and the First Family picked her name because it fit her cheerful personality.

In honor of Sunny, and perhaps to hide the fact that she was obviously purchased from a dog breeder and NOT the Humane Society, the Obamas are making a donation to the Washington Humane Society.

And while Bo seems pretty happy to have a new playmate, some Americans are pissed at the first family for adopting another dog that taxpayers have to feed! The nerve of the president for getting his children a family pet!

Here are a few comments from Fox News viewers (I didn’t even have to scroll…sigh)

“Great….another mouth to feed for taxpayers.”

“I wonder how many American children could have been cared for with the money they spend to keep a dog groomed and cared for. I wonder how many children have died that didn’t have adequate access to a medevac air transport when a dog gets to ride around on “Air Obama”.”

“I feel sorry for that poor puppy, she will be subjected to Michelle’s vegan diet , and listening to Barry’s lies. The puppy will commit suicide in 2 weeks , I guarantee it.”

“I hope the Obama’s are paying the bills for Sunny‘s care and feeding. I thought the White House had no money; which is why tours were cancelled for the children who own the White House.”

“I hope they don’t eat it.”

Well, I do agree with that last comment. It would be a shame if the first family ate Sunny Obama.

Via: Current Event Cats & The White House 

Teddy Bear + Housecat = My New Pet

Olinguito New Pet

Cuteness alert! Smithsonian scientists have discovered a new carnivorous mammal, and it is suuuper cute.

Dubbed the olinguito (oh-lin-GHEE-toe), the new mammal is a relative of the raccoon family. The Smithsonian press release describes the 2-pound animal’s appearance as “a cross between a house cat and a teddy bear.” Love it.

The cat teddy bear lives in the cloud forests of Ecuador and Colombia in South America and is the first new carnivore species to be found in the Americas in 35 years. It’s thought that an olinguito was exhibited in several zoos in the US between 1967 and 1976 but it was misclassified and no one could figure out why it wasn’t bredding with the other animals. Now they know why – olinguitos only like other olinguitos.

But don’t get too attached – the olinguito may be already be a threatened species thanks to the tear down of cloud forests.

“The cloud forests of the Andes are a world unto themselves, filled with many species found nowhere else, many of them threatened or endangered,” Kristofer Helgen, lead researcher on the discovery and curator of mammals at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History, said in the release. “We hope that the olinguito can serve as an ambassador species for the cloud forests of Ecuador and Colombia, to bring the world’s attention to these critical habitats.”

Either way, I know what the cats are getting for Christmas this year!

Via: The Smithsonian 

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Bradley Manning Is Sorry

Current EVent Cat - Bradley Manning

After years of solitary confinement and poor conditions, U.S. soldier Bradley Manning is sorry he hurt the United States. And even sorrier they hurt him.

25-year-old Bradley Manning took the stand Wednesday at his sentencing hearing in the WikiLeaks case and apologized for hurting his country.

“I’m sorry that my actions hurt people. I’m sorry that it hurt the United States. At the time of my decisions, as you know, I was dealing with a lot of issues, issues that are ongoing and continuing to affect me. Although a considerable difficulty in my life, these issues are not an excuse for my actions,” Manning said.

He added that, at the time of the leaks, he understood what he was doing but did not believe that the classified information he leaked would cause harm to the U.S.

Manning admitted that he mistakenly believed he could “change the world for the better” by leaking the documents to WikiLeaks but in retrospect he should have worked “inside the system”.

Other highlights from the military trial include some emotional testimony from Manning’s family members about his troubled childhood and from a psychologist who felt that Manning’s struggle with gender identity in a hostile workplace caused him to feel a great amount of pressure.

“You put him in that kind of hypermasculine environment, if you will, with little support and few coping skills, the pressure would have been difficult to say the least,” Capt. Michael Worsley said.

Apparently Private Manning secretly wanted to become a woman and hoped that military life would cure him once and for all.

Bradley Manning could be sentenced to 90 years in prison for the leaks, which occurred while he was working as an army intelligence analyst in Iraq in 2010.

Via: Current Event Cats & CBC News

San Diego Mayor Banned From Hooters

Hooters Sign

No Hooters for you!

Four San Diego area Hooters joints have barred Mayor Bob Filner from entering. The San Diego Mayor is best known for having the creepiest smile ever and sexually harassing more than a dozen women before enrolling himself in a sexual harassment class. But the Hooters girls don’t believe his sex therapy did any good and posted signs outside their restaurants saying: “This establishment recognizes that we all have political differences and we serve people all walks of life. We also believe it is imperative for people to have standards. The Mayor of San Diego will not be served in this establishment. We believe women should be treated with respect.” Hooters believes women should be treated with respect? I don’t know about that, but if Hooters thinks you’re below their standards, you’ve got problems. NBC News

MOnkey ChristMonkey see, Monkey Christ. A year after an elderly Spanish woman totally botched a restoration of a church painting, the “monkey Christ” has become a viral hit and is now a tourist destination of its own. While at first Cecilia Gimenez was horrified that her restoration work became an international laughingstock, the town is now praising her for driving tourism – and admission fees. Officials say more than 40,000 people have come to visit it – raising more than 50,000 euros for charity. BBC News

jesse-jackson-jrJesse Jackson Jr. — disgraced former congressman and son of civil rights icon Rev. Jesse Jackson — has gone the way of Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich and is off to the big house for 2.5 years. The Illinois Represenative received 30 months of federal prison time for misusing $750,000 in campaign money, while his wife, Sandi, was sentenced to 12 months for tax fraud on Wednesday. Jackson spent his campaign money to fund a lavish, high-flying lifestyle including private school tuition for their children, trips to Costco, expensive clothes and a gold-plated Rolex watch. Not trips to Costco! “I misled the American people, I misled the House of Representatives,” Jackson said, dashing tears from his eyes. “I was wrong and I do not fault anyone.” CNN

VP ResignLooks like governing in a state of emergency proved too much for Egypt’s interim vice president. The VP, Mohamed ElBaradei, resigned from his post following the violent clashes between security forces and protesters and the President’s declaration of a state of emergency. ElBaradei resigned in protest, claiming there could have been a more peaceful solution – i.e one that didn’t include killing hundreds of people. At least one protester was burned alive in his tent. Many others were shot in the head and chest. At least one journalist has been killed as well as a cameraman. 7pm curfew, now in effect. New York Times

BabiesBabies on the mind? Better check your bank account first – they can cost half a million dollars. A new US government report says child-rearing has increased 23% since 1960. The cost of raising a child to 18 today ranges from $200,000-$500,000 – not including college tuition. The culprits? Higher housing costs, healthcare costs, and child care costs. Abortion has never looked better. USA Today

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Cash Cab Norway: Jens Stoltenberg Edition

Jens Stoltenberg Political Cash Cab

If your Labour party is trailing in the polls against the opposition Conservatives, just ask yourself: what would Jens do? Jens Stoltenberg, the Norwegian Prime Minister, would pose as a cab driver and spend the day picking people up and dropping them off. It’s political cash cab!

Jens Stoltenberg said he had wanted to hear from real Norwegian voters and that taxis were one of the few places where people shared their true views. He also really wanted more votes.

“It is important for me to hear what people really think,” he told Norwegian media.

“And if there is one place people really say what they think about most things, it’s in the taxi.”

In true cash cab fashion, his passengers were clueless as to who their driver would be and their reactions were captured on a hidden camera. Disguised in a uniform and sunglasses, Jens Stoltenberg only revealed his identity after the passengers had guessed who he was. The conversations tended to turn to politics and Jens got in some decent discussions.

One slight glitch in an otherwise perfectly orchestrated election campaign stunt however, was the fact that Jens can’t really drive… Norway’s PM faced some criticism over his driving skills, at one point mistaking the brake pedal for the clutch.

One passenger was quoted as saying: “I am not really happy about the driving,” and another, “Your driving is really bad.”

Stoltenberg then admitted he hadn’t driven in eight years. He is usually driven around by a chauffeur in a black government car.

Asked if he would consider becoming a taxi driver if he loses the re-election, Stoltenberg said:

“I think the nation and Norwegian taxi passengers are best served if I am the prime minister and not a taxi driver.”

Perhaps. But if Jens doesn’t win the September 9th election, he can always come to North America. We’re always looking for overqualified foreign cab drivers.

Via: Wall Street Journal

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Hacker Swears at Two-Year-Old Via Baby Monitor

Baby Monitor Hacked Two-year-old

Trolling reached a new low when a Texas couple discovered a hacker had hacked into their baby monitor and started swearing at their two-year-old daughter.

Now, I hate babies as much as the next person, but shouting expletives and sexual terms at a sleeping two-year-old? That’s a little much.

The couple, Marc and Lauren Gilbert from Houston, Texas, reported that they heard a strange man’s voice coming from their Foscam baby monitor. Horrified, the couple went to their daughter Allyson’s room and realized that the voice was coming from the speaker of the family’s baby monitor, which was running on the home’s Internet router.

Marc Gilbert said the voice directed offensive, sexualised words at their daughter Allyson, who was asleep in bed. The pair heard the creepy voice calling his daughter an “effing moron,” and telling her, “wake up you little slut.” The family believed the hacker had read the girl’s name off the bedroom wall because he was calling her by name and trying to wake her up.

In a weird twist to the story, it turns out the two-year-old is deaf so none of this matters anyway. The couple described their daughter’s deafness as “something of a blessing” in the circumstances.

However, if she wasn’t deaf, they could have just put on Samuel L. Jackson reading the children’s book Go The F*ck to Sleep to get her back to bed. She’s used to the language by now.

Via: ABC News 

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Egyptian State of Emergency

Current EVent Cat - Egypt Emergency

Reagan’s gone for two weeks and Egypt still hasn’t sorted out it’s problems! The latest in Egypt’s spiral towards self-destruction is that the presidency has declared a state of emergency.

The emergency of course being that dozens of people were killed when government security forces stormed protest camps in Cairo.

The protest camps had been occupied by protesters loyal to ousted president Mohamed Morsi, who was deposed in early July. Riot police decided that next on their list of things to depose were the protesters. And depose they did! Security forces swept in with armoured vehicles, bulldozers and helicopters on Wednesday to clear two sprawling encampments of Morsi supporters. Not surprisingly, there was a bit of a scuffle between the two sides and some pro-Morsi activists ended up being killed while others ended up being chased into the nearby zoo and Cairo University.

The two sides couldn’t even agree on the number of casualties: Security forces say 95 people have been killed. But the Muslim Brotherhood, which backed the protests, says hundreds have died. The 17-year-old daughter of leading Muslim Brotherhood figure Mohamed el-Beltagy was among the dead, as well as a cameraman working for Sky news and a reporter for Gulf News.

The incident led Interim President Adly Mansour to declare a month long state of emergency. Desperate to get things under his control, Mansour has ordered the armed forces to support the police in efforts to restore law and order and protect state facilities. But overall the government is pretty pleased with their efforts so far. In a televised statement, a government spokesman congratulated the security forces on the their successful operation to clear the camps and praised their “self-restraint”, highlighting the “smaller number” of injuries among protesters. Success! Egyptian style.

Via: Current Event Cats & BBC News