Archive | January, 2014

Forget The Super Bowl, Forget The Puppy Bowl, This Year It’s All About The Kitten Bowl

KITTEN BOWL YEAH

Are you ready for some football kittenball??? On February 2 the Hallmark Channel will launch the first ever Kitten Bowl – the cat lovers’ answer to the Puppy Bowl.

For years, Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl has dominated the “cute animals playing football” market, but not anymore. This year the Hallmark Channel, with the help of host Beth Stern, will blow those dogs out of the water.

According to the official Kitten Bowl website, Kitten Bowl sounds fantastic:

“Kitten Bowl” is the greatest feline showdown in cable television history.  The competition will consist of two preliminary playoffs and a championship match. Along with basic obstacle courses of hurdles, tunnels, hoops, jumps, weave poles, lasers, lures and toys on strings, “Kitten Bowl” will feature clever locker room strategies, player profiles and “interviews,” and camera work and audio recordings from the athletes as they play the game!”

Sold! You had me at kitten.

But not everyone is down with the most adorable football line-up ever. Animal Planet, which has been airing Puppy Bowl since 2005, isn’t so pleased about their new competition.

“They’re copycats,” says Brian Eley, vice president for communications at Animal Planet. “And yes, we like our puns.”

If you prefer fuzzy felines over football, nachos, and men in tight pants, tune into the Kitten Bowl on February 2. The inaugural three-hour special event begins at 12pm EST. Who needs Peyton Manning anyway when you have a room full of the most adorable kitten athletes in the world?

And if you’re still not convinced, here is a cluster of football cuteness:

kitten bowl 3

kitten-bowl-cat-photos-017-480w

kitten-bowl

Kitten Bowl 2014

And if that didn’t convince you to tune in, then you should probably get off this site… we’re kind of all about kittens.

Via: Bleacher Report

Leave a Comment

Amanda Knox Found Guilty of Murder. Again. And Other News…

Amanda Knox

Third trial’s the charm? On Thursday afternoon, an Italian court found Amanda Knox and her former boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito guilty of the murder of Knox’s British roommate, Meredith Kercher, in 2007.

The court sentenced the American to 28 years and six months in prison for the murder of Meredith Kercher. Amanda Knox did not attend the retrial, but kept up to date on its proceeding from the comfort of her house in Seattle, where she’s lived since her sentence was overturned in 2011 for “lack of evidence.” It’s unlikely that the U.S. will extradite her to back Italy where she previously spent four years in prison, but she’ll never be able to vacation in Tuscany again. CNN

Scarlett SodaScarlett Johansson has chosen carbonated water over humanitarianism. The 29-year-old actress is cutting ties with Oxfam after eight years as an ambassador for the humanitarian group. At the centre of the breakup was Johansson’s support for the Israeli company SodaStream. The company, which makes home soda machines and home beverage carbonation systems, has a factory within the section of the West Bank that was won by Israel in 1967 but is currently claimed by Palestinians. Oxfam is 100% anti-Israeli settlement trade but Johansson says she is a “supporter of economic cooperation and social interaction between a democratic Israel and Palestine.” Also, she likes money. Johansson is to appear in a high-profile SodaStream ad during the Super Bowl on Feb. 2. The Toronto Star

School-LunchGeorgia Republican Jack Kingston’s dream has come true: no one gets a free lunch! Bonus: children’s tears. Children at a Utah elementary school were in tears on Wednesday after they had their meals taken and thrown away because there were outstanding balances in their accounts. The district’s child-nutrition manager decided the best way to deal with the large number of parents who still owed money for lunches was to withhold food from the children. And because cafeteria workers could not see which children owed money until after they purchased something, they had to physically take away the children’s lunches in front of the whole school and throw them out. Geez, couldn’t they at least have let the kids work it off? Perhaps sweep the cafeteria floor? Raw Story 

boston-bomber-dzhokhar-tsarnaevBoston Bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev may have to prep himself for the death penalty. Federal prosecutors on Thursday announced they will seek the death penalty against 20-year-old terrorist if he is convicted in a trial this year. “The nature of the conduct at issue and the resultant harm compel this decision,” Holder said in a statement. Which is fancy speak for “you deserve to die”. Tsarnaev has been charged with about a million things including Conspiracy to Use A Weapon of Mass Destruction Resulting in Death. Hopefully, for Tsarnaev’s sake, if his case ever does make it to death row, they get that whole lethal injection drug mishap under control – otherwise I’d think I’d rather go by bomb. Huffington Post

Leave a Comment

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Defends The Biebs

Bieber in Toronto Biebs

Toronto’s crack-smoking mayor knows what it’s like to come out of a drunken stupor and realize you’ve gotten yourself into a bit of trouble, so it’s no surprise that Ford is backing up the Biebs.

Justin Bieber is back in Toronto to turn himself in after being charged with assaulting a limousine driver last month. According to police, the limo picked up the Biebs and five wannabe Biebers outside a nightclub in the early hours of 30 December.

“While driving the group to a hotel, an altercation occurred between one of the passengers and the driver of the limousine,” a police statement said.

“In the course of the altercation, a man struck the limousine driver on the back of the head several times.

“The driver stopped the limousine, exited the vehicle and called police. The man who struck him left the scene before police arrived.”

Bieber was subsequently charged with one count of assault, or what Rob Ford calls child’s play.

Bieber turned himself in at a Toronto police station on Wednesday amid swarming paparazzi and screaming girls. The pop star/Canada’s worst export is scheduled to appear in court in Toronto on March 10.

This latest arrest comes just a week after the Biebs was arrested and charged for driving under the influence in Florida. Law enforcement sources are now saying that the Biebs tested positive for alchohol, marijuana and Xanax. New reports also reveal that Bieber was “excited,” “talkative,” “insulting” and “cocky” and “used profanity”. That sounds about right.

But while the whole world is laughing at Bieber’s downwards spiral, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford – who coincidently was also arrested in Miami, Florida back in 1999 for driving under the influence and possessing marijuana – refuses to slam the singer.

“You know what, he’s a young guy,” Ford told the radio hosts on Thursday, “At 19 years old I wish I was as successful as he was.”

“He’s 19 years old guys, think back to when you were 19, you know.”

If Rob Ford is out smoking crack, drinking and driving, and shouting death threats at half the city at 44 years old, I hate to think what he was like at 19.

Biebs Ford

Via: The Globe and Mail

Leave a Comment

Current Event Cat of the Day: Viktor Yanukovych’s Sick Day

Current Event Cat - Sick Day Viktor Yanukovych

While his country teeters on the brink of civil war, Ukrainian President Viktor Yanukovych has decided to deal with it by calling in sick. When times get tough, stay in bed!

Yanukovych’s his deputy health chief says his sick leave is “in connection with an acute respiratory disease accompanied by high fever.” Well, I’ll need to see a thermometer before I can determine if he’s faking it to get out of school/civil unrest.

Some opposition figures are also calling bullsh*t on Yanukovych’s reported illness, arguing that he’s just trying to buy time and remove himself from the conflict.

“This smacks of a diplomatic illness,” Rostislav Pavlenko, a member of boxer-turned-politician Vitaly Klitschko‘s Udar (Punch) party said.

“It allows Yanukovych not to sign laws, not to meet the opposition, absent himself from decisions to solve the political crisis.”

The sick leave statement was issued in Ukrainian on the presidential website following weeks of violent anti-government protests in Kiev and a series of government concessions that appear to have gone nowhere.

Just a day before Yanukovych called in sick, he forced the Ukrainian parliament to pass a conditional amnesty for 100 imprisoned protesters, despite demands from the opposition that the amnesty be unconditional. And earlier in the week Yanukovych accepted the resignation of Prime Minister Mykola Azarov and his cabinet and annulled a recently enacted law restricting protests, hoping this would appease the protesters and end the unrest. Nope. They’re not happy yet – not until Yanukovych himself is out of power.

All out of ideas (short of stepping down), Yanukovych decided that the best way to deal with the crisis was to just stay in bed with a cup of hot cocoa and wait for everything to resolve itself.

Via: BBC News

Leave a Comment

Happy Meals Can Be Addictive – Especially If They Contain Heroin

Happy Meal Heroin

A McDonald’s drive-thru employee was arrested Wednesday after undercover cops in Pittsburgh caught her selling heroin via a Happy Meal box.

Shania Dennis, 26, was arrested after undercover law enforcement officials conducted a drug buy. According to the officers, “the way that the deals would happen is that the customer looking for heroin was instructed to go through the drive-thru and say, ‘I’d like to order a toy.’ The customer would then be told to proceed to the first window, where they would be handed a Happy Meal box containing heroin.” Better than the side of apples!

When the undercover cops asked for a toy with their Happy Meal, Shania naturally added the heroin, and being the nice girl that she is, included the actual toy as well. The undercover officers recovered 10 stamp bags of heroin inside of their Happy Meal box and recovered 50 more bags after searching her. She was immediately arrested.

Luckily, the drugs recovered Wednesday do not appear to be related to the fentanyl-laced lethal batches of heroin that have been blamed for 22 overdose deaths in southwestern Pennsylvania – so you can continue ordering Happy Meals without worrying about any health consequences.

As for Shania Dennis, she is now charged with two counts of possession, one count of criminal use of a communication facility, one count of prohibited acts of delivery, one count of possession with intent to deliver, and a bunch of counts of selling junk food to junkies. But in Shania’s defense, McDonald’s did tell its employees to get a second job

Via: USA Today

Leave a Comment

Montreal Woman Dies In Freak Escalator Accident

 Fabre Metro Escalator

Right up there with having the subway doors close on me, getting sucked into an escalator is among my worst public transit related fears.

For one women, that fear came true on Thursday morning after her scarf became caught in the escalator at Fabre station in the east-end of Montreal. After struggling to pull out the scarf, the 30-ish year old woman also managed to get her hair tangled up in the moving staircase.

“When she bent over to try to get the scarf out, her hair was also caught,” Police spokesman Jean-Pierre Brabant told reporters.

The scarf began strangling her and by the time firefighters and paramedics arrived on the scene, it was too late; the woman died at the scene.

The coroner’s office will review security video, talk to witnesses, and conduct an autopsy to determine precisely what happened – although it’s pretty obvious she choked to death on her scarf.  And by witnesses, I hope they mean commuters who found her unconscious at the bottom of the escalator, not people who walked by without stopping to help.  At a metro station during Thursday morning rush-hour it seems kind of weird that there would be no one around to give her a hand. Perhaps it was actually a headscarf she was wearing and Montrealers were just letting their Charter of Values run it’s course…

Via: CBC News

Update: The Toronto Sun is now reporting that is was a headscarf that became tangled in the escalator, but I wouldn’t exactly call the Toronto Sun a reputable news source…

Leave a Comment

A Date With Dynasty… And Other News

Duck Dynasty Date

Louisiana Representative Vance McAllister brought a special date to the State of the Union Address: Duck Dynasty’s Willie Robertson.

The long-bearded star of Duck Dynasty endorsed McAllister in a tough election last year and McAllister repaid the favour by escorting him to the President’s speech. But based on his father’s views on homosexuality, I’m guessing Willie didn’t put out – or at least publicly. McAllister said his “close friend” Robertson would bring “some diversity to our nation’s capital.” There were no other bearded duck hunters there? NY Post 

Uganda GayIn a very, very, minusculy small victory for gay rights in Africa, the president of Uganda announced he will not sign the new anti-gay bill, “nnless I have got confirmation from scientists that this condition is not genetic, but a behaviour that is acquired.” But despite President Yoweri Museveni’s refusal to sign, the prez is far from being a gay rights activist; he supports the bill’s imposition of lifetime prison sentences for those who “promote, abate, recruit and support homosexuality,” but is a little more hesitant when it comes to laws that seek “to punish homosexuals” just for being homosexual. The president has also said that gay people are “abnormal” and can be “cured” of their same-sex sexual desires. So if you are anti-gay in Uganda, you need to find a scientist/witch doctor who can “prove” gays are not born that way OR you need to find a scientist/witch doctor who can conjure up the cure for gayness. Advocate 

HOLLANDE-TRIERWEILBackstabbing, betrayals, and berets. After French President Francois Hollande announced his 9-year relationship with Valerie Trierweiler was over amid rumors of Hollande’s affair with actress Julie Gayet, his scorned partner is speaking out. France’s former First Lady told French political reporters “We would still be together had he not become president” and “low blows”, “back-stabbing” and “betrayals” were to blame for the split. Juicy! Trierweiler, who started an affair with Mr Hollande in 2005 while he was still officially with Ségolène Royal, is now focusing on a new career as a humanitarian campaigner while Hollande is now focusing on French actresses and hopefully the European economy. The Telegraph

peter-schiffFinancial commentator Peter Schiff believes everyone has a price and “mentally retarded” people are worth about $2 an hour. The investment broker and talk radio host told Daily Show correspondent Samantha Bee that increasing the minimum wage would have disastrous effects. Worried that the price of his hamburger would increase, Schiff claimed that paying workers twice as much would double the cost of some goods and destroy American jobs. “There’s a law in economics, supply and demand, that you learn in Econ 101, and if you increase the price of something, you decrease the demand,” Schiff said. “The higher you make the minimum wage, the more jobs are going to be destroyed.” Because of this, Schiff proposes eliminating the minimum wage altogether and allowing people to be paid what they’re worth. When asled to identify someone whose work might be worth just $2 an hour, Schiff responded with: “Maybe someone who is – what’s the politically correct word, you know, for mentally retarded.” Yikes, wrong answer on so many levels… “I’m not going to say that we’re all created equal,” Schiff continued “You’re worth what you’re worth.” Just like our forefathers always dreamed. Raw Story

neanderthalThere’s a little Neanderthal in all of us, not just the ones who are worth $2 an hour. Two new studies studies published Wednesday in Science and Nature have traced the history of Neanderthal DNA and suggest that it’s still found in humans today. The DNA of Neanderthals, who became extinct about 30,000 years ago, still exists in several regions of the world and can make up as much as 4 percent of some people’s DNA. 4 percent isn’t very much, but there are some Neanderthal genes have become very common in non-Africans – mostly genes that make keratin, found in skin, hair, and nails. New York Times

Leave a Comment

Deep South Unable To Function In Three Inches of Snow

Deep South

A winter storm has paralyzed the Deep South, leaving residents stranded and overturned cars in the ditches.

The winter weather has gotten so bad in the metro area of Atlanta that the National Guard has been called in to deal with the situation. Some residents remained trapped in their cars overnight and many children were stranded at schools across the city. Highways have turned into parking lots, as Atlanta residents ditch their cars and/or run their cars into ditches. Apparently when they were told to stay off the road, they took it literally…

Tuesday night rush-hour traffic combined with the winter snowstorm led to gridlock and wrecks throughout the interstates. As of Tuesday night, the Georgia State Patrol said it had investigated 940 crashes resulting in one death, 104 injuries, and one birth. Gridlock on the streets of Atlanta was so bad that a police officer had to deliver a baby on a snowy highway.

The rest of the Deep South (Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina and South Carolina) were also affected by the monster snowstorm. Police reported that at least five people were killed and 23 people injured due to weather-related accidents in Alabama on Tuesday.

Yikes. There must have been a lot of snow! Nope, barely three inches of snow caused the chaos, sending Minnesotans and Canadians everywhere into uncontrollable laughter. But the typically warm-weather region, where many cities do not even have snow loughs, salt trucks, or experienced drivers with winter tires, is at a loss for what to do. Not driving into the ditch would be a good start… other than that, just make sure you CHECK THE WEATHER and prepare for it.

Via: CNN

Leave a Comment

New Zealander Fights Off Shark, Stitches Own Leg, Heads to Pub

New Zealand Shark James Grant

New Zealanders are apparently a badass bunch. James Grant, a 24-year-old New Zealand doctor, fought off a shark, stitched his own leg up, and then went to the pub.

James Grant was spearfishing with friends near Colac Bay at the base of New Zealand’s South Island on Saturday when he felt a tug on his leg. After realizing it was a shark and not his friend playing a prank, James thought, “bugger, now I have to try and get this thing off my leg.”

So he did what any rugged New Zealander would do, said “that’s not a knife, THIS is a knife (presumably), and stabbed the shark with his spear before rushing to shore.

“I sort of just fought the shark off. The shark got a few stabs. The knife wasn’t long enough though,” he told reporters after.

After taking off his wetsuit he discovered bites marks up to 5cm long on his leg. This is the point where I would sit down, cry, and wait for someone to take me to the hospital, but Grant sutured his own wound using a first aid kit he kept in his vehicle and joined his friends at Colac bay Tavern to celebrate.

“It would have been great if I had killed it because there was a fishing competition on at the Colac Bay Tavern,” Grant said.

“I am pretty grateful to have my leg still,” he added. “When the stitches come out, I will be back in the water.”

And the award for manliest man goes to….

Via: ABC News 

Leave a Comment

High Homeless Man Wins $1.9 Lawsuit

High Homeless Man

A foolproof guide on how to go from high homeless man to high millionaire:

  • Step 1: Do meth
  • Step 2: Wander onto subway tracks
  • Step 3: Profit

In 2006 Robert Obey, 59, who was high on drugs and had a history of mental illness, stumbled onto the tracks at the 33rd Street Station. As is typically the case when a high homeless man hangs out on subway tracks, the train hit him. Although Obey survived, the train severed his left foot.  

Obey, who had a history of playing in the subway tracks, had just left a methadone clinic hours before the accident and, according to his lawyer, “could not remember how he wound up on the tracks.” Yeah, meth will do that to you.

Fast forward to present day and a Manhattan jury has awarded him $1.9 million in damages. I wonder how much meth $1.9 million can buy?

Obey’s lawyer claimed it didn’t matter that his client was a drug addict with a subway track fetish, the only thing that mattered was that the train’s operator waited until pulling into the next station before reporting the accident. The jury agreed, finding the New York City Transit Authority 40% at fault for the incident. A minute delay in reporting may not bring back the severed foot, but it does bring in $1.9 million.

The Metropolitan Transit Authority says it will appeal the decision and for once, people are siding with public transit.

Moral of the story: abusing drugs pays off.

Via: NY Daily News

Leave a Comment