Archive | April, 2014

Probably Not a Good Idea to Tweet a Terrorist Threat to an Airline…

American Airlines Dutch Tweet

A 14-year-old Twitter obsessed tween is learning the hard way that threatening a major airline on social media may not be the best idea.

On Sunday morning, 14-year-old “Sarah” from the Netherlands addressed a tweet to the US-based airline implying she was an al Qaeda operative planning an attack.

AA Tweet 2

Well that sounds pretty legit…. but American Airlines wasn’t taking any chances and wrote back:

AA Tweet Response

At this point Sarah freaked out and quickly backtracked, saying she was simply a 14-year-old white girl who made the whole thing up.

Tweets More

“I’m just a fangirl pls I don’t have evil thoughts and plus I’m a white girl,” she tweeted.

Well, if she’s a white girl she can’t possibly be a terrorist! Case closed. But just to play it safe, Sarah let everyone know that she blocked the FBI from her Twitter account. That should do the trick!

Meanwhile, over at the FBI headquarters….

FBI Agent 1: “Did you complete surveillance on that airline bomb threat?”

FBI Agent 2: “I tried sir, but she blocked us on Twitter! There’s nothing we can do.”

FBI Agent 1: “Damn. We’ll have to add her on Facebook now…”

I guess the Facebook strategy worked because on Monday the Dutch teen was arrested in Rotterdam and questioned by the police.

“We’re not in a state that we can communicate any state of charges at this point,” a Dutch police spokesperson said. “We just thought it was necessary to bring this out mostly because of the fact that it caused a great deal of interest on the Internet.”

But in the end it was all worth it because Sarah achieved what other 14-year-old girls only dream of: thousands of Twitter followers!

“Omg I got over 10k rts for that tweet omg” Sarah tweeted.

“Over 20k followers yay”

Yay! Her criminal record (and underwear) may be permanently stained, but she’ll always have her Twitter followers – until it Twitter suspends her account… which they already did.

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Judge Orders Ohio Man to Wear “I am a Bully” Sign

I am a Bully

An Ohio man spent five hours on a street corner Sunday with a sign declaring he’s a bully as part of his sentence for bullying his neighbor and her disabled children.

The sign holding sentence stems from sixty-two-year-old Edmond Aviv’s longtime feud with his neighbor Sandra Prugh – who has two adopted children with developmental disabilities, a husband with dementia, and another son who is paralyzed. Prugh claims she’s suffered through 15 years of harassment from Aviv.

The latest incident involved Aviv, who was annoyed at the smell coming from Prugh’s dryer vent when she did laundry, hooking up kerosene to a fan, which blew the smell onto Pugh’s property. Fed up once again, Prugh got the cops involved and they charged him with disorderly conduct.

Prugh said in a letter to the court that Aviv had called her an ethnic slur while she was holding her adopted black children, spit on her several times, regularly threw dog feces on her son’s car windshield, and once smeared feces on a wheelchair ramp.

“I am very concerned for the safety of our family,” Prugh wrote.

Aviv pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor disorderly conduct charge and the judge ordered the bully to serve 15 days in jail, undergo anger management classes and counseling, write an apology letter to Prugh, and spend five hours on a street corner with a sign saying:

I AM A BULLY! I pick on children that are disabled, and I am intolerant of those that are different from myself. My actions do not reflect an appreciation for the diverse South Euclid community that I live in.

Ha! Everyone passing by thought the punishment was quite hilarious – everyone except Aviv, who claims the judge who sentenced him has ruined his life.

“The judge destroyed me,” Aviv said. “This isn’t fair at all.

He smeared feces on a wheelchair ramp and thinks his punishment is unfair? Actually holding a sign for five hours seems like a pretty light sentence for 15 years of being a bitter old cunt.

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Seven Dead Babies

Current EVent Cat - Seven Dead Babies

Police is Pleasant Grove, Utah arrested a 39-year-old woman after they found seven dead babies packaged in cardboard boxes in her garage.

Authorities believe Megan Huntsman gave birth to the babies over a 10-year-period, killed them one by one, and stored them in the garage.

Megan’s ex-husband, Darren West, believed to be the father of the seven dead babies, discovered the first body in the garage and alerted authorities. Officers responded to the call on Saturday and after searching the garage they discovered six more tiny bodies stuffed in separate cardboard boxes. Hunstman was promptly arrested and charged with six counts of murder. Not seven? Nope, only six.

Darren West, who was in prison recently on drug-related charges, was apparently too hopped up on drugs to figure out where his seven missing babies disappeared to.

We don’t believe he had any knowledge of the situation,” police spokesman Michael Roberts said of West.

When asked how the husband could not have known his wife had given birth to seven children, Roberts replied: “That’s the million-dollar question. Amazing.”

Neighbours in the middle-class neighbourhood were shocked and appalled by the situation. None of them even knew Megan Huntsman was pregnant in recent years and couldn’t understand why Huntsman’s three grown children, who were still living in the house, didn’t notice infants going missing left, right, and centre.

“What’s shocking is the three older ones living there and not noticing that their mother was pregnant,” one neighbour said.

“It’s shocking and kind of morbid and strange.”

But no one was more shocked than the officers who responded to the initial call.

“They got more and more shocked each box they opened,” Roberts said.

I suppose… but after finding the sixth dead baby, is a seventh one that much more shocking?

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Hillary Clinton Dodges a Shoe… And Other News

Shoe at Clinton

What do Hillary Clinton and George W have in common? No, not a love of painting. Both have had a shoe thrown at them.

On Thursday the former Secretary of State was forced to dodge a flying shoe that was hurled at her while she was speaking at an Institute of Scrap Recycling Industries meeting at the Mandalay Bay Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas. Clinton played it off and cracked a few jokes while the woman suspected of throwing the shoe was taken into custody and is expected to be arrested. Hillary Clinton is no stranger to random shoe attacks. In 2012, while on an official visit to Egypt, Clinton’s motorcade was pelted with shoes and tomatoes by protesters chanting “Monica, Monica”. But it was George W who started the shoe throwing craze back in 2008 during a press conference at the Prime Minister’s Palace in Baghdad, Iraq. A journalist threw a shoe at the then President Bush yelling “This is a farewell kiss from the Iraqi people, you dog!” He then threw the second shoe and shouted “This is for the widows and orphans and all those killed in Iraq!!” So… Hillary got off easy this time? The Guardian

Kathleen-Sebelius-and-ObamaI guess that glitchy Obamacare rollout finally caught up with her. Kathleen Sebelius is resigning after five years of serving as the Health and Human Services secretary – aka the person in charge of overseeing the Affordable Care Act rollout. The official word is that say Sebelius, 65, chose to resign and was not forced out, it was clear that the Obama administration wasn’t super impressed with her handling of the health-care overhaul. Still, although she weathered some heavy criticism over the rocky launch, the program did meet its major milestone – the successful enrollment of 7 million Americans in health-insurance exchanges. CNN

FedEx-bus-crashIn the worst FedEx accident to happen since Tom Hanks’ plane went down in Castaway, a FedEx truck struck a bus carrying prospective students for Humboldt State University in California on Thursday. The drivers of the bus and truck were killed along with three adult chaperones and five teenage students in the fiery crash that happened after the truck crossed into oncoming traffic and slammed into the bus. “As we mourn the loss of those who died, we join all Californians in expressing our gratitude for the tireless work of the Red Cross and emergency personnel who responded bravely to this terrible tragedy,” said Governor Jerry Brown in a statement. CTV News 

Forgive me PopeForgive us for fondling your children. Please? Pope Francis asked for forgiveness Friday from people who were sexually abused by priests, and vowed that there will be no going back in the church’s fight to protect children. “I feel compelled to personally take on all the evil which some priests […] to personally ask for forgiveness for the damage they have done for having sexually abused children,” he said. But don’t worry – the pope also said number of priests behind the abuses were “quite few in number … compared to the number of all the priests.” Well, I would hope so! USA Today

Britain Egypt JournalistsThe al-Jazeera trial has been denounced a “joke” – except not a very funny joke because the three al-Jazeera journalists are still being charged with terrorism and have been held since December. The three reporters deny the charges of aiding members of a “terrorist organization” and the case has been condemned by rights groups and media around the world – well, except for in Egypt where they are being held. At their latest hearing, prosecutors videos that had nothing to do with the case. While material from one journalist, Peter Greste’s, laptop was examined – which included a news conference from Kenya, a documentary he made in Somalia and some of his parents’ holiday photos – Greste shouted from inside his court cage that the trial was a mockery and an embarrassment for Egypt. Peter Greste’s brother Mike agreed, saying the trial was “like a TV sit-com” and would have been very funny – if Peter and his colleagues had not already been in jail for more than 100 days. BBC News  

Hitler MugsSelling mugs with Hitler’s face on them: good idea or bad idea? Turns out, bad idea. A furniture store in western Germany “accidentally” sold 200 coffee mugs bearing a portrait of Adolf Hitler. The ceramic cups, which were “mistakenly” ordered from China, feature a faint image of a Nazi-era postage stamp with Hitler’s profile on it, postmarked with a swastika stamp. The Zurbrueggen furniture chain apologised for the “terrible” mistake, which it blamed on “a stupid chain of unfortunate circumstances”. “Our staff is devastated by this very unfortunate error,” Christian Zurbrueggen, co-owner of the Zurbrueggen chain store said. “We have been in touch with the manufacturer … to prevent further distribution of these nasty cups.” Fun fact: displaying swastikas and other Nazi symbols is illegal in Germany. The chain has since destroyed the unsold cups but for those lucky 200 white supremacists who snagged some Hitler cups, try not to display them – it’s illegal. NBC News

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Nigerian Child Bride Poisons Her Groom

Child Bride

A 14-year-old child bride in the northern Nigerian state of Kano had two choices: stay married to the 35-year-old stranger her father forced her to marry and likely be subjected to a lifetime of abuse OR kill him by concealing rat poison in his food. Spoiler alert: She chose the rat poison.

The child bride, Wasilu Umar, admitted to killing her husband and three of his friends with a meal laced with rat poison.

The 14-year-old was married last week to 35-year-old Umaru Sani. The groom was quite pleased with the nuptials and invited a dozen friends to celebrate at his Ungwar Yansoro village. The bride, however, was not so pleased with the idea of marrying a man twice her age. The teenager told police she bought rat poison at a village market and used it to prepare a dish of rice. The groom and his friend died that same day while two other of his buddies died later on in the hospital.

“The suspect confessed to committing the crime and said she did it because she was forced to marry a man she did not love,” assistant superintendent Musa Magaji Majia told The Associated Press.

Well good for her! And given that childbirth and complications in pregnancy are the leading cause of death among teenage girls worldwide, she may have ended up saving her own life. But I doubt that the court will see it that way… The child bride is likely to be tried in a juvenile court and charged with culpable homicide.

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Current Event Cat of the Day: The Heartbleed Bug

Current Event Cat - Heartbleed

Heartbleed, a newly discovered security bug, is infecting the internet and causing confusion among internet users (aka everybody except that one guy who lives in a cave).

Heartbleed is a security bug or programming error in popular versions of OpenSSL, software code that encrypts and protects the privacy of your password, banking information and other sensitive data you type into a “secure” website. OpenSSL is used by about two-thirds of “secure” websites on the internet such as Gmail, Facebook and Tumblr, which means there’s a pretty good chance your passwords and financial information could have been exposed by the Heartbleed bug.

But don’t freak out yet. Although Heartbleed could be exploited by malware and cybercriminals, officials say there had not been any reported attacks or malicious incidents. But the two-year-old programming error is problematic enough to consider changing your passwords.

Officials suggest that members of the public should “closely monitor your email accounts, bank accounts, social media accounts and other online assets for irregular or suspicious activity, such as abnormal purchases or messages”.

The website Mashable has mashed together a bigger list of popular sites and whether they are affected by Heartbleed.

A fixed version of OpenSSL was released on Monday, April 7, so if you changed your vulnerable website passwords after that date, you’re good to go. Just make sure your password isn’t your credit card number, social security number, or 12345678.

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Fairness Smairness: Senate GOP Blocks Pay Equity Bill… And Other News

Paycheck Fairness

Senate Republicans banded together on Wednesday to block the Paycheck Fairness Act, a Democratic bill aimed at narrowing the pay gap between men and women – because why not alienate female voters further?

The Paycheck Fairness bill seeks to allow female workers to compare salaries without the threat of employer retaliation, requires companies to explain pay disparities, and permits those discriminated against to seek damages. The legislation needed 60 votes to open up a debate but failed to reach that threshold. Democrats vowed to bring it up the bill again and again and accused Republicans of “obstruct[ing] equal pay for equal work.” President Obama chimed in too, saying it was “wrong” of the GOP to block the bill. But the GOP senators don’t care. They say the bill would do little to solve the pay equity problem and it was just a distraction from Democrats’ record on the lousy economy. Politico

Daycare CrashDaycare disaster! One girl has died and 14 other children were injured after a hit-and-run SUV crashed into a daycare near Orlando, Florida. Police are on the hunt for the hit-and-run suspect, deemed to be 26-year-old Robert Corchado. Corchado, who has a looong history of arrests, slammed into a black Toyota Solara, which then plowed into the daycare center. Considering Corchado was sentenced to three years in prison for cocaine trafficking in 2010 (released in 2012) and was also arrested last December on charges of heroin and cocaine possession (released on bail), he was probably hopped up on drugs. In hindsight, it seems the multiple releases were probably a mistake…  Global News

boston bomberAnnexing Crimea? Putin’s fault. Uprisings in eastern Ukraine? Blame Putin! Everything wrong with Russia? Putin again! The Boston Marathon bombings? All signs point to Putin. The new inspector general’s report reveals that Russia withheld important information about the Boston bombing brothers which would have led to more careful scrutiny of Tsarnaev brother #1 prior to the 2013 attack. Russian officials told the FBI in 2011 that Tsarnaev was “a follower of radical Islam” and he “had changed drastically since 2010 as he prepared to leave the United States for travel to the country’s region to join unspecified underground groups.” The FBI then pushed for more info but the Russians declined their multiple requests for additional intelligence about Tsarnaev. It was only after the bombings occurred last April that the Russians finally ponied up all their Tsarnaev details, including information from a telephone conversation the Russian authorities had intercepted between Tsarnaev and his mother in which they discussed Islamic jihad. [Insert promotional plug for the NSA] New York Times

Crimea Burger CzarBurger King invades Crimea! After McDonald’s exited the former Ukrainian region after their Russian annexation, Burger King (Burger Czar?) has swooped in to fill the fast food void. “We are planning to open in Crimea, but I cannot say when exactly it will happen or how many outlets the company will have,” said Burger King Russia CEO Dmitry Medovy. Sensing an opportunity to cash in, Burger King will expand its collection of already 200 restaurants in Russia, which are part of a franchise partially controlled by state-owned bank VTB. Well, at least we don’t have to worry about Russia reverting back to communism! The capitalist spirit seems alive and well. Independent 

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Stephen Colbert is Taking Over the Late Show (Without David Letterman)

Colbert and Letterman

Looks like #Cancel Colbert ended up working after all! Thanks Suey Park

Yes, it’s a very sad day for the Colbert Nation. Following longtime host David Letterman’s retirement announcement, CBS has officially named Comedy Central’s Stephen Colbert as the new host of the Late Show.

The satirical late-night host, whose contract with Comedy Central is up at the end of 2014, has reportedly signed a five-year deal with CBS.

“Simply being a guest on David Letterman’s show has been a highlight of my career,” Stephen Colbert said in a statement. “I never dreamed that I would follow in his footsteps, though everyone in late night follows Dave’s lead. I’m thrilled and grateful that CBS chose me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go grind a gap in my front teeth.”

But what about the Colbert Report? It’s still unknown whether Colbert will continue the widely popular Colbert Report or whether he will incorporate his character – the over the top right-wing host, modeled after Papa Bear Bill O-Reilly – into segments of the Late Show. What does Colbert even look like out of character? Liberal and thoughtful, I suppose. I don’t know about this…

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Louisiana Teacher Calls 12-Year-Old a Sassy Slut

Sassy Slut

The life sciences teacher at Evangel Christian Academy in Louisiana has been suspended after allegedly referring to a 12-year-old girl as a “sassy slut” during class.

The offending teacher was placed on six days’ paid administrative leave this week after the incident took place – which means a weeklong holiday for the sassy slut’s teacher!

The girl’s mother was horrified to hear about the inappropriate name calling as well as the lax punishment – especially since her daughter is well-mannered, polite, and has never had any past problems in school.

“I’m just still numb about what happened and the disciplinary action that the school had taken,” said the girl’s mother, Marteen Mitchell.

“I don’t think it was fair at all,” Mitchell said of the teacher’s suspension. “They initially told me that she would receive one day suspension with pay and when I made it back to my job, I received a call from the principal that stated that the situation was serious and they wanted me to know that they would give her five additional days.”

No word on what the pre-teen sassy slut was doing to warrant such a remark, but here’s a quick tip to the mother: stop sending your kid to a right wing Christian school if you don’t want her to be slut shamed. Slut shaming basically makes up half the curriculum in religious “life sciences” class!

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Knife Attack at Pittsburgh High School

Current Event Cat - Knife Attack High School

These days school shootings are a dime a dozen, but you never hear much about mass school stabbings. Well, not anymore! Twenty-four people were reportedly injured at around 7:15 a.m. on Wednesday at a Pittsburgh-area high school during a knife attack.

A 16-year-old knife-wielding student ran through the school’s hallways, stabbing people indiscriminately with two ordinary kitchen knives until the school’s 60-year-old assistant principal tackled him to the ground.

The culprit, Alex Hribal, is accused of stabbing 21 students and a security guard on Wednesday morning. Two other students were injured in the aftermath of the attack at Franklin Regional High School – most likely trying to escape from the stabbing rampage. Luckily, no one died and as of today only one student remains in critical condition.

Alex Hribal is being held without bail in a juvenile detention center. Police announced Wednesday evening that they are charging the 16-year-old sophomore as an adult. He will face four counts of attempted homicide and 21 counts of aggravated assault.

The students, who describe Hribal as a “typical kid”, never saw it coming.

“I didn’t really know what was going on at the time,” one victim said. “It was all kind of a blur.”

“He was very quiet. He just was kind of doing it,” another witness said. “And he had this, like, look on his face that he was just crazy and he was just running around, just stabbing whoever was in his way.”

No motive for the attacker has been announced yet, but one victim summed it up like this:

“I feel he has some issues he has to work out.”

Yes, he probably does.

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