Archive | August, 2014

The Ebola Virus is Out to Get Donald Trump

Donald Trump Ebola

As the Ebola virus continues to terrorize West Africa, Donald Trump is trying to make sure it stays far, far away from him and his precious combover.

In a series of tweets, Donald Trump let it be known that Americans infected with Ebola should be kept out of their own country because the US has bigger problems to worry about – like how to rid themselves of Donald Trump.

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Trump said doctors who treat Ebola patients “are great,” but shouldn’t be allowed to seek treatment back home if they get sick.

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Trump’s latest outburst came after humanitarian Dr. Kent Brantly, the American humanitarian stricken with ebola in Africa, was transported to Atlanta to receive specialized treatment. His assistant, missionary Nancy Writebol, who also contracted the disease while working with patients suffering from Ebola, was also returned to the US shortly after.  Both Americans received an experimental serum that appears to be helping them survive the extremely lethal virus, which has a fatality rate as high as 90 percent.

On the one hand, if there’s one thing Americans can agree on, it’s that Donald Trump is probably much worse than the Ebola virus. And yet for some reason he is allowed in the country – so why not a few Ebola infected doctors?

But on the other hand, maybe we should hear him out this time. After all, Donald Trump probably knows a thing or two about contagious diseases stemming from infected animals –he’s been wearing a dead possum on his head for decades.

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When Taking a Gun Selfie, Remember: Don’t Pull the Trigger

Gun Selfie

A 21-year-old Mexican man who posed for a gun selfie died shortly after shooting himself in the head by accident.

Oscar Aguilar was no stranger to the selfie. His Facebook page showed him posing in front of sports cars, sitting on motorbikes and hugging semi-attractive women. But things went horribly wrong when he decided to give his Facebook friends a little taste of the infamous gun selfie after he had been drinking with pals in Mexico City last weekend. Unfortunately, instead of becoming a big shot on social media, Oscar just ended up shot.

“I heard a gunshot, and then I heard somebody screaming and realized somebody had been hurt. I called the police straight away and when they arrived they found that he was still alive,” neighbor Manfredo Paez Paez said.

Police say he failed to realize the gun was loaded when he began snapping pictures of himself waving it about.

The 21-year-old died on the way to hospital in Mexico City. Sad, but on the bright side, Oscar is currently in the running for the coveted 2014 Darwin Award. It’s a tight race between him and that Florida kid who almost died lighting himself ablaze for the popular social media fire challenge.

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