6 More Weeks of Winter! Damn That Stupid Groundhog… And Other News

Groundhog Phil 6 More Weeks of Winter

Punxsutawney Phil proclaims 6 more weeks of winter!

Pissed that he was overshadowed by the Super Bowl, everyone’s favourite furry groundhog came out of hiding in the small town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania on Sunday to give us the bad news: you better bundle up because I just saw my shadow b*tches. Legend has it that if it’s cloudy when the Phil emerges, he will leave his burrow, signifying that warmer days are ahead. But if it’s sunny out, the groundhog will supposedly see his shadow, freak out, and retreat back into his burrow leaving the rest of us to deal with the snow for 6 more weeks. The rodent’s 2014 prediction seems pretty aligned with the current weather forecast and the whole “Polar Vortex” thing that has taken over eastern United States.  Given that the National Weather Service has issued storm warning for six states, including Texas, I’d say we’re looking at more than 6 more weeks of winter – maybe 6 months? Weather Channel

philip-seymour-hoffmanHollywood is mourning the sudden death of Philip Seymour Hoffman after the 46-year-old actor was found dead from an apparent drug overdose. Investigators found a syringe in his arm and almost 70 bags of heroin in his apartment along with more syringes, prescription drugs, and other drug paraphernalia. Yeah, I’m pretty sure it was a drug overdose – or at least drug related. Investigators are still investigating whether Hoffman had injected part of the lethal batch of heroin that has been responsible for hundreds of death across the country. The NYPD has launched a citywide manhunt Monday for the drug dealer who supplied the actor. Hoffman leaves behind his three children, his longtime partner, Mimi O’Donnell, and a lot of uncertainty regarding the Hunger Games franchise and Plutarch’s role in the final installment of the series. New York Times

Killer on the LooseKiller on the loose! Convicted killer Michael David Elliot pulled a Shawshank (minus the innocence and the crawling through a river of sh*t) and escaped from the Ionia Correctional Facility, where he is was serving a life sentence. The Michigan man, who was sentenced to life in prison for four 1993 slayings, is now at large after prison officials discovered he was missing on Sunday night.  “It appears that he created a hole at the bottom of the two perimeter fences of the correctional facility and then crawled through those holes,” a prison spokesperson said. Elliot was also dressed in a white civilian kitchen uniform, which might have helped him evade security and possibly blend in with the snow. Elliot then abducted a woman from Ionia using a knife or some kind of box cutter and drove off. The woman managed to escape when he stopped at a gas station – which means he’s looking for a new hostage. Watch out Michigan. Huffington Post

Putin SOchiEver wonder why the Winter Olympics are being held in Sochi, Russia’s subtropical beach resort destination? Well Russian President Vladimir Putin has revealed that he personally selected the site of the Sochi Olympic Games because he has a summer residence there and enjoys skiing nearby.  Putin personally spearheaded both the bid and organizing of the Winter Games. It takes a lot of hard work to find the one place in Russia that has no snow in February! The Sochi Olympics will begin on February 7 and all of Putin’s efforts will finally pay off (although they might not pay off the $51 billion bill). As for how Russia will fare in the games, Putin is not worried, saying that Russia as a country “has no competitors.” None? Putin then added: “Russia has just one competitor — herself.” Raw Story

Super Bowl TrutherThe truth is out there! 9/11 truther Matthew Mills of Brooklyn had seen one too many overly American Super Bowl commercials about Americans being American and loving America so he decided to give America a cold hard dose of reality/fantasy. After managing to get into the press section using an old credential badge from a festival, Mills disrupted a post-game press conference with Seattle linebacker Malcolm Smith, and began shouting “Investigate 9/11! 9/11 was perpetrated by people within our own government!” Apparently the Super Bowl’s security was easier to get through than the Bronco’s defense. After the incident, the 30-year-old Brooklyn native was charged with trespassing and then released back into the wild.

Los Angeles Times

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