Al Qaeda Makes Terrorists Fill Out Expense Reports… And Other News

 Osama bin Boss Al Qaeda

Even Al Qaeda has to deal with expense reports and pointless corporate meetings.

The Associated Press discovered a leaked memo about the terror network’s North African wing’s “most difficult employee”. After years of trying to discipline him, the leaders of Al Qaeda’s North African branch sent one final letter to Moktar Belmoktar. The memo accused him of not answering his phone when they called, failing to turn in his expense reports, ignoring meetings, openly mocking co-workers, and refusing to carry out orders. Al Qaeda – they’re just like us!

Moktar Belmoktar followed the path of many disgruntled employees before him and became an entrepreneur. A terrorist entrepreneur… Belmoktar formed his own competing group, the Masked Brigade. He is now credited with taking more than 100 foreigners hostage in Algeria in January, leaving more than 30 dead, as well as simultaneous bombings just last week of a military base and a French uranium mine in Niger. I guess not everyone was meant for the corporate world! Via: The Associated Press

Girl Handcuffed in CHinaCaution to the clumsy: do not spill water on government cars in China! Otherwise you will be handcuffed and paraded down the street as punishment. That’s what happened to a 13 year old girl in the county of Hezhang, Guizhou province. After accidentally splashing water into a government vehicle, the girl got into an argument with local officials who then reportedly handcuffed her and made her walk up and down the street in shame. Although the incident occurred in April, it has just become public thanks to a post on a micro-blogging site. The two officials have since been suspended. Via: BBC News

Hitler TeapotAligning your company with nazi-related products is not always a good business strategy. Unless, of course, your target demographic is white supremacists. JCPenney learned that the hard way after commuters in southern California complained about a billboard advertising a teapot bearing a striking resemblance to Hitler. The billboard was accompanied by the song: “I’m a little Nazi, short and stout, here is my mustache, here is my spout, when I get all steamed up out I shout, get in the oven so I can wipe you out”. I may have made that last part up. The company has since taken down the Interstate 405 billboard and also removed the teapot from their website. The kettle, which originally cost $40 is now sold out, and is going for $199 on eBay. I suppose this says something about society… but I’m not sure what… Via: Uproxx

HatebookWho knew the internet was a place for anonymous a**holes to spew hateful words? Under pressure from activists and advertisers, Facebook is trying to turn Hatebook back into Facebook. The VP in charge of public policy wrote on the site, “In recent days, it has become clear that our systems to identify and remove hate speech have failed to work as effectively as we would like, particularly around issues of gender-based hate.” Pages flagged as offensive by women activist groups had such names as “Kicking Your Girlfriend in the Fanny Because She Won’t Make You a Sandwich,” “Violently Raping Your Friend Just for Laughs,” “Raping Your Girlfriend” and “Fly Kicking Sluts in the Uterus.” Via: CNN

Angry BeaverBeaver attacks in Belarus! An angry beaver attacked a 60-year-old fisherman from Belarus after the man tried to grab the animal. The beaver bit him several times, slicing an artery and causing the man to bleed to death. The incident was the most serious in a string of vicious beaver attacks in Belarus. The beavers are becoming increasingly aggressive towards humans and there’s no stopping them! Since hunting beavers was banned, the beaver population in Belarus has tripled in the past decade to an estimated 80,000 beavers. Next time you see one of these 80,000 beavers, don’t try to grab it, dumbass. It will probably bite you. Via: National Post

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