Bill Clinton Believes Alien Life Exists… And Other News

Bill Clinton Alien

Yes, Bill Clinton believes in aliens.

In an appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live, former President Bill Clinton admitted that soon after becoming president, he had his aides research Area 51, the Nevada military facility, “to make sure there was no alien down there.” Don’t worry though, Clinton assured Jimmy that he would have informed the public if he found something – but he also said he never had sexual relations with that woman, so who knows. Bill Clinton also admitted that he thinks aliens may exist, given the vast expanse of the universe. “If we were visited someday, I wouldn’t be surprised,” he said. “I just hope it’s not like Independence Day.” Yeah, Will Smith is getting too old for that shit and I definitely wouldn’t trust Jaden Smith with fate of the world. ABC News

Eich MozillaWell, that was fast. After the dating website OKCupid temporarily blocked users from reaching the site via Mozilla browsers in protest of their new anti-gay CEO, all the negative publicity prompted Mozilla CEO Brendan Eich to step down. In interviews this week, Eich was questioned about his $1,000 contribution in support of California’s 2008 gay-marriage ban, Proposition 8, but insisted he didn’t “want to talk about [his] personal beliefs and doesn’t “believe they’re relevant.” Turns out they are relevant because he is no longer the CEO of Mozilla. Mozilla confirmed its cofounder’s resignation in a statement released on Thursday, which stated “Mozilla prides itself on being held to a different standard and, this past week, we didn’t live up to it. We didn’t move fast enough to engage with people once the controversy started. We’re sorry. We must do better.” But don’t feel too bad for Eich – he can always get a job at Chick Fil A. The Guardian

Crimea McDonaldsCrimea might want to think twice about breaking away from Ukraine. McDonald’s just announced that it is ending end operations in the recently-annexed Crimean region. The company has offered to move staff from those outlets to its other locations within Ukraine, saying it will “transfer to any other McDonald’s restaurants in Ukraine preserving their positions, salaries and fees and paying to relocate employees and their families.” But there will be no more Happy Meals for the Crimeans after the McDonald’s outlets in Simferopol, Sevastopol, and Yalta shut down. On the plus side, they may go on to live longer, healthier lives. Oh no wait… they became part of Russia. Now they will become part of the dismal, vodka-induced life expectancy of 63 years for men and 76 years for women. Reuters

Morgue ShotWorst nightmare alert: grandma freezes to death in hospital morgue! While the grandmother was declared dead way back in 2010, the case, which was previously thrown out on statute of limitations grounds, was revived by an appeals court on Wednesday. According to her family, 80-year-old grandmother Maria de Jesus Arroyo died in a hospital morgue after she was prematurely declared dead, put into a body bag, and then into the freezer where she froze to death trying to escape. Arroyo was placed face-up in the hospital’s freezer but when she got to the mortuary days later, her body was face-down, the bag was half-way unzipped, and her face had a broken nose, bumps, and bruises. A pathologist concluded the woman was “alive in the hospital’s freezer, eventually woke up due to extreme cold,” and caused the injuries herself during a failed struggle to escape her “frozen tomb.” Thanks Obamacare! CBS News

Putin DivorcedFirst Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, and now Vladimir and Lyudmila Putin. The Kremlin has announced that the Russian president’s divorced has been finalized and Putin is now free to marry whatever bear or Russian gymnast he desires. The couple announced last June that they would be breaking up amid rumours that Putin was putin it to former Olympic gymnast Alina Kabayeva, a torchbearer at the Sochi winter games. In a true Soviet-style attempt to rewrite history, references to Lyudmila have now been removed from Putin’s bio on the Kremlin website. But if Putin’s ever gets lonely post divorce, he can always annex another Ukrainian territory. NPR

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