Bill Eves: Best. Obituary. Ever.

Bill Eves

Everyone loves a good obituary riddled with fart jokes!

After 76-year-old Kingston, ON resident Bill Eves passed away, his children wrote a truthful but loving obituary that has quickly become an internet hit.

Accompanied by a picture of Bill Eves looking like the human version of Grumpy Cat, the 76-year-old granddad’s obituary reads:

EVES, Bill – 1937-2014 On Saturday February the 8th Molson’s stock price fell sharply on the news of Bill Eves’ passing. Senior executives at Molson called an emergency meeting to brace for the impact of the anticipated drop in sales. As a highly regarded principal for 33 years with the separate school board he created many fond memories for staff, students and families. After his retirement he pursued some of his many hobbies including cooking, carpentry, gardening and sending daily joke emails to family and friends. Perhaps most important to Bill was educating people on the dangers of holding in your farts. Sadly, he was unable to attain his life-long goal of catching his beloved wife Judy “cutting the cheese” or “playing the bum trumpet” — which he likened to a mythical rarity like spotting Bigfoot or a unicorn. He also mastered the art of swearing while being splattered by grease cooking his famous wings. In fact, he wove tapestry of obscenities that still hangs over the Greater Kingston Area.

Before passing Bill forged a 76 year trail of laughter, generosity, compassion, and wisdom. He will be greatly missed by his wife of 50 years Judy, his children Rob (Helen), Tim (Mary-Jo), Angela (Brent), Andrew (Stacey), and his grandchildren Noah, Macy, Teagan, Ella, Claire, Lucy and Will. While his whole family is deeply saddened by Bill’s passing, there is a rumour floating around that he told some the nurses at St. Mary’s of the Lake that this was all just an elaborate plan to get out of shovelling the driveway. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

As per his wishes, a “Praise Bill Party” – a celebration of his life — will be held from 1 p.m. to 4 p.m. (Service at 1:30 p.m.) on March 22, 2014 at the Donald Gordon Conference Centre — 421 Union Street, Kingston Ontario.

Bill’s son, Rob Eves, says he wrote the obituary with his brothers and sister a few days after his dad passed away. Rob admits that writing the piece was therapeutic and his father would have wanted a unique obituary.

“Anybody who knew him if they saw a normal solemn piece, they would have said ‘That’s not Bill, there’s no way that was written by anybody who knew him.’” Rob told the National Post.

I sincerely hope someone (most likely one of my cats) writes an obituary like this for me when I pass away… maybe with fewer fart jokes though.

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