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San Francisco Church Dumps Water on Homeless

San Fran Church Water Homeless

Water is scarce in California, but not scarce enough to stop Saint Mary’s Cathedral from dumping water on the homeless in order to keep them from sleeping on its property.

The increasingly urgent drought situation in California has resulted in new restrictions on sprinklers, outdoor water use, and even serving water in restaurants and bars. But the principle church of the Archdiocese of San Francisco, the Saint Mary’s Cathedral, didn’t get the water scarcity memo.

Instead, the church installed a system that dumps water onto the ground near its sheltered doorways, where homeless people tend to rest at night. The water pours out for about 75 seconds, every 30 to 60 minutes throughout the night. But the water dumping system is not an automated baptism device, instead it’s used to discourage homeless people from hanging out buy the church by drenching them as they sleep. Jesus would totally approve.

“They actually have signs in there that say, ‘No Trespassing,’” said a homeless man named Robert.

But there are no signs warning the homeless about the random water dumpings that occur all through the night.

“We’re going to be wet there all night, so hypothermia, cold, all that other stuff could set in. Keeping the church clean, but it could make people sick,” Robert explained.

Cathedral staff confirmed that the system had been in place for about a year, “after learning from city resources” that similar deterrents were “commonly used in the Financial District” in San Francisco.

“We do the best we can, and supporting the dignity of each person,” Archdiocese spokesperson Chris Lyford said. “But there is only so much you can do.”

Aside from opening the doors and letting them inside the church…

Given the recent backlash (and the fact that it was pointed out that they’re in violation of the San Francisco Department of Building Inspection) the cathedral has already started to remove the system.

And Jesus said, “Love thy neighbor. Unless they are homeless and have no where else to go, then periodically drench them with water until they get lost.”

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Indian Guru Has The Balls To Convince 400 Men To Cut Off Their Balls

Indian Guru

A popular Indian guru and head of the Dera Sacha Sauda spiritual group has been accused of coaxing hundreds of men to castrate themselves in a promise for them to become closer to God.

Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh, who describes himself on Twitter as a “spiritual Saint/philanthropist/versatile singer/allrounder sportsperson/film director/art director/music director/script writer/lyricist/autobiographer/DOP” and has a reported wealth of more than $50 million, somehow convinced 400 of his estimated 50 million followers that only those who get castrated will be able to meet God. Surely there must be an easier – and less painful – way?? Apparently not.

The Indian pop-star and telepreacher is now being investigated after one of his former followers who underwent castration seven years ago spoke out against the guru and his group.

Navkiran Singh, who is the lawyer for Hans Raj Chauhan, the only castration victim so far to come forward, said his client and other victims believed they would become social outcasts if they refused to perform the “operation” demanded of them by Ram Rahim Singh.

Chauhan says the castrations began around 2000 and the painful procedures were carried out at a hospital owned by Singh in the Hanumangarh district of Rajasthan.

While the castrations didn’t bring the men any closer to God, it did stop 400 idiots from ever reproducing again, so there were some benefits. Plus, it should help India cut back on the number of rapes that occur every year day minute.

As for the guru himself, I’m willing to bet that he still has his balls – especially since he has been accused of sexual assault by female followers.

To hear more about the millionaire guru, check out his spectacular new movie, Messenger of God, in which he appears to walk on air, tear tree trunks in half and perform other miracles. Warning: you may be tempted to chop your balls off after.

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Pope Says Catholics Don’t Need To Breed Like Rabbits

Pope Breed Like Rabbits Catholics

Pope Francis says the church’s birth control ban does not mean that good Roman Catholics should breed like rabbits – instead they should practice “responsible” parenting by abstaining from sex. So much for his “cool pope” image…

Following his trip to the Philippines, where he met former street children abandoned by parents unable to afford to care for them, the Pope made some rather strong statements supporting the church’s ban on artificial means of birth control.

Pope Francis was asked what he would say to families who had more children than they could afford because the Church forbids artificial contraception. The pope reiterated the church’s opposition to government population control programs as a form of “ideological colonization” but stressed that “this does not mean a Christian must make children one after another.”

“God gives you methods to be responsible,” he told journalists. “Some think that — excuse the word — that in order to be good Catholics we have to be like rabbits. No.”

Your local Walgreens also gives you methods to be responsible, but unfortunately they don’t supply “church-approved” contraception. The Pope only endorses abstinence or the rhythm method – and apparently spreading AIDS and other STDs around the world. But I suppose AIDS works well with the church’s opposition to government population control programs – it still helps to keep the population down and doesn’t involve the use of condoms. Plus, it might help get rid of those pesky street kids in the Philippines.

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NFL Player Penalized for Praying While Muslim

NFL Prayer

Tired of going after child abusers and crazy elevator attackers, the NFL decided to switch things up and start penalizing Muslim NFL players, slapping Kansas City Chiefs safety Husain Abdullah with unsportsmanlike conduct during Monday night’s game for praying after scoring a touchdown.

After Husain Abdullah intercepted a Tom Brady pass and returned it for a touchdown, he dropped to the ground and prayed… but not to Jesus. Abdullah, a devout Muslim, was practicing the Sajdah, a religious MUSLIM prayer.

Abdullah was hit with a penalty because, according to the NFL rulebook, “players are prohibited from engaging in any celebrations or demonstrations while on the ground.” Except, of course, when they’re Christian and named Tim Tebow. Not only was Tim Tebow’s “Tebowing” gesture not penalized, but it became a highly embraced occurrence during the 2011 season.

Screenshot 2014-09-30 11.27.30

By the next morning the NFL was backtracking on their decision, saying it was mistake to punish Husain Abdullah with a 15-yard penalty after he prostrated himself and prayed in the end zone.

“Abdullah should not have been penalized,” Michael Signora, the NFL’s vice-president of football communications, said in a tweet. “Officiating mechanic is not to flag player who goes to ground for religious reasons.”

Abdullah tried deflecting attention from the situation after the game by saying that he thought he was penalized for sliding after getting into the end zone.

“I don’t think it was because of the actual prostration that I got the penalty,” he told the Kansas City Star newspaper “I think it was because of the slide.”

But the NFL’s admission of error makes it pretty clear that it wasn’t the slide, they were just caught pulling a double standard.

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Teen Faces Jail Time for Oral Sex with Jesus

oral sex jesus statue

A Pennsylvania teen is facing two years in juvenile detention after he simulated oral sex with a statue of Jesus and uploaded pictures on Facebook.

The troublemaking teen straddled the Son of God figure outside the “Love in the Name of Christ” Christian organization’s Everett, Pennsylvania headquarters while his friend took pictures of him humping the Jesus statue’s face.

While the number of times teens have been caught humping inanimate objects as a practical joke has got to be in the thousands billions, this 14-year-old boy’s “statue-tory” rape prank caused such an uproar in the small town that the police whipped out the seldom-invoked 1972 Pennsylvania law which criminalizes “defacing, damaging, polluting, or otherwise physically mistreating in a way that the actor knows will outrage the sensibilities of persons likely to observe or discover the action.”

Once the pictures went viral, officials in Bedford County charged the teen with desecration of a venerated object. The criminal charge will be heard in family court later this month. And, if convicted, the teen could apparently face up to two years in juvenile jail.

Yes, in Pennsylvania you can be arrested for molesting inanimate objects while clergy get away with molesting children.

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Hobby Lobby Religiously Objects to Contraception… Viagra & Vasectomies Are Okay Though

Hobby Lobby

The Supreme Court ruled 5-4 in Burwell v. Hobby Lobby on Monday that for-profit employers (Hobby Lobby) with religious objections (definitely Hobby Lobby) can opt out of providing contraception coverage under Obamacare.

Hobby Lobby, a craft store chain owned by evangelical Christians, had some beef with the Obamacare stipulation that employers must provide health insurance coverage for contraception. The owners of Hobby Lobby challenged this provision, arguing that it violated their religious freedom.

According to the Hobby Lobbies, life begins at conception and any contraceptives such as Plan B, Next Choice, or Ella, that would prevent a woman’s ovaries from releasing an egg that could be fertilized after unprotected sex, is tantamount to murder (despite the general scientific consensus that the contraceptives are not equivalent to abortion.) Oh, and they also object to long-term birth control methods such as IUDs, which can cost women up to $1,000. Anyways, Hobby Lobby complained all the way up to the Supreme Court and, for some reason, five old men on the Supreme Court took their side.

The court’s four more liberal justices called it a decision of “startling breadth” and expressed concern that the majority decision could open the door to other corporations seeking to withhold coverage for other medical procedures at odds with firm religious beliefs.

Hillary Clinton also expressed her dissent, calling the Hobby Lobby case “deeply disturbing.”

“It’s the first time that our court has said that a closely held corporation has the rights of a person when it comes to religious freedom, which means the corporation’s … [‘closely held’] employers can impose their religious beliefs on their employees, and, of course, denying women the right to contraceptives as part of a health care plan is exactly that,” she said. “I find it deeply disturbing that we are going in that direction.”

“It’s very troubling that a sales clerk at Hobby Lobby who need contraception, which is pretty expensive, is not going to get that service through her employer’s health care plan because her employer doesn’t think she should be using contraception,” Clinton said.

Despite the disagreement over the ruling, the craft store is now free to drop contraceptives from its workers’ health insurance plans. Viagra is still up for grabs though. Hobby Lobby has made no indication that it plans to limit men’s access to penis pills and pumps. Well, I guess curing erectile dysfunction encourages procreation… but what about vasectomies? Hobby Lobby doesn’t personally object to covering vasectomies for men… much like it doesn’t personally object to buying the majority of its products from China, which effectively has a government-mandated forced abortion policy and where Christians are persecuted regularly…

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Death for Apostasy

Current Event Cat - Apostasy

A Sudanese judge has sentenced a woman to hang for apostasy after she left Islam and married a Christian man.

“We gave you three days to recant but you insist on not returning to Islam. I sentence you to be hanged to death,” Judge Abbas Moham med Al-Khalifa told the woman.

Despite appeals by Western embassies that freedom of religion should be respected, the judge meant business. In Sudan, which is governed by Islamic law, the rule is that apostasy – the abandonment of one’s religious faith – is a serious crime. Apparently serious enough to warrant the death penalty.

In addition to death by hanging, the woman was also sentenced to 100 lashes. The lashes were the result of her being an adulterous slut, since her marriage to a Christian man was not valid under Islamic law, which says Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslims.

“I am a Christian and I never committed apostasy,” the woman calmly explained to the judge.

Turns out she was raised as an Orthodox Christian, her mother’s religion, because her father, a Muslim, was reportedly absent during her childhood. But the judge didn’t care. Death sentence still on!

The one upside to this whole situation is that the woman is eight months pregnant. Therefore, her 100 lashes won’t be dished out until she has recovered from giving birth and the courts won’t go through with her death sentence for two years after she has given birth. Yay!

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Bill Nye The Science Guy vs. Ken Ham The Creationist

Bill-Nye-vs.-Ken-Ham

Bill Nye the Science Guy and Creation Museum founder Ken Ham went head-to-head in a battle over creationism’s place in a secular society.

The event, held yesterday at the Creation Museum, was meant to explore the age-old question, “How did we get here? And what should we teach our children?” from the perspectives of faith and science.

Bill Nye obviously took on the science side of things, arguing that evolution is a scientific fact and there is no credible evidence that the world is only 6,000 years old.

Ken Ham, the Founder and CEO of Answers in Genesis, took a slightly different approach, arguing that it was all God’s doing.

“The Bible is the word of God,” Ham said. “I admit that’s where I start from.”

“From Adam to Abraham — you’ve got 2,000 years from Abraham to Christ, 2,000 years from Christ to the present, 2,000 years,” Ham says, “that’s how we reach 6,000 years,” he added.

To which Bill Nye responds that there are trees that are older than that.

The whole debate can be seen here, but if you don’t have 3 hours to kill here’s a short recap: imagine a world-renowned aviation engineer explaining to a child that it’s scientifically impossible for Santa Claus to visit the houses of each and every child on earth in one night. And then the child responds with “No, you’re wrong! Look at my playstation!!”

In the end, Bill Nye said that there is one thing that could change his mind on the creatisionisn vs. evolution debate: evidence.

“If you could show that somehow the microwave background radiation is not the result of the Big Bang, bring it on!” he said. “Write a paper! Tear it up!”

Ham, on the other hand, said no evidence could possibly sway him from his literal interpretation of he Bible — including the part where God creates the Earth in six days and a global flood kills off all but eight members of the human race but they still managed to get 14,000 animals safely on board.

Meanwhile, even Pat Robertson, the ultra evangelical host of the 700 Club, was embarrassed at Ken Ham’s performance and his assertion that the world is only 6,000 years old.

“There ain’t no way that’s possible,” Robertson said, “To say that it all came about in 6,000 years is just nonsense and I think it’s time we come off of that stuff and say this isn’t possible.”

Let’s be real, let’s not make a joke of ourselves.”

“We’ve got to be realistic,” he concluded, and admit “that the dating of Bishop Ussher just doesn’t comport with anything that is found in science and you can’t just totally deny the geological formations that are out there.”

Yikes – if Pat Robertson thinks you’re making a fool of yourself, it’s time to take a cold, hard look at your life.

Via: NPR & Raw Story

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Methodist Pastor Breaks Church Law… And Other News

Methodist Gay Son

A United Methodist pastor was convicted of breaking church law after he officiated at his gay son’s wedding.

After weeks of cross-examinations, witnesses and evidence, Rev. Frank Schaefer was found guilty of violating the faith on Monday by a 13-member jury of fellow Methodist pastors. More specifically, the charges were “conducting a ceremony that celebrates same-sex unions” and showing “disobedience to the order and discipline of the United Methodist Church.” Now the jury must decide Rev. Frank Schaefer’s penalty, which could range from a short suspension to losing all of his ministerial credentials.  Schaefer was the first of five Methodist ministers to be accused by church officials of violating the church doctrine on same-sex marriage and is no stranger to the gays – three of the pastor’s four children are gay. AP

Bynes SelfieAnd the word of the year is… selfie. Oxford English Dictionary paid tribute to narcissistic duck-faced teenagers everywhere by announcing ‘selfie” as the word of year, beating out ‘twerk’ and ‘bitcoin’. “It seems like everyone who is anyone has posted a selfie somewhere on the Internet,” wrote Oxford English Dictionary on its blog. “If it is good enough for the Obamas or the pope, then it is good enough for Word of the Year.” The dictionary’s publishers believe that ‘selfie’ first appeared in an Australian chat room on September 13, 2002, by an Australian who posted a drunken photo of his bleeding lip. And now it’s officially a word, meaning: “A photograph that one has taken of oneself, typically one taken with a smartphone or webcam and uploaded to a social media website.” CNN

NSAThe NSA is dealing with a large number of record requests. Fueled by the Edward Snowden scandal, more and more Americans are want to know if they’re being spied on. The NSA has been flooded with requests but they continue to give the same answer: we can’t tell you. Anyone requesting open records gets a standard pre-written letter in response that says NSA cannot confirm or deny any information has been gathered. Considering the Supreme Court recently upheld the controversial spying program, there are sure to be even more requests in the future. So I’ll just save everybody a lot of time by saying yes, you are being spied on, and no, they didn’t find anything interesting. USA Today

Rob Ford BlueRob Ford to become a born again Christian? Toronto’s crack smoking mayor has announced that he had a “come to Jesus moment” and he is “finished” with alcohol. No word yet on if he’s finished with crack, but at least this is a step in the right direction! So why did Jesus come to him and tell him to put down his keg? “Just the humiliation and the belittling and the people I’ve let down,” Ford said. “And it’s all because of alcohol. Excessive, stupid, immature behavior and that’s it.” Ford also vowed an “outright war” on city councillors who voted to further limit his powers, calling them Saddam Hussein – which would of course make him Kuwait. “You guys have just attacked Kuwait,” he said. So now he’s Kuwait, the White Obama, and a non-drinker? Yeah, he definitely hasn’t given up the crack. BBC News

DoodnaughtEveryone’s worst nightmare has come true – a doctor who fondles you while you’re sedated! A Superior Court judge has found Dr. George Doodnaught, a Toronto anesthesiologist, guilty of sexually assaulting 21 women while they were under conscious sedation in a hospital. Dr. Doodnaught (soon to be Prisoner Doodnaught) was known around the hospital as being touchy-feely – no kidding – and is believed to have been turned on by the excitement and risk of molesting his patients. Dr. George Doodnaught’s misconduct ranged from touching and breast fondling to having the women perform oral sex during surgeries at North York General Hospital. Since they were relatively unconscious, I assume that means he just placed his penis in their mouths. Whatever works for you… CBC News

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Christian TV Host Wants a Military Takeover to Get Rid of Obama

Rick Joyner Christian TV Host

There’s nothing like an overreaction of biblical proportions to the current situation in the US government from a Christina TV host.

Christian TV host Rick Joyner has declared that democracy in America has failed and that the nation might not last even to the end of President Obama’s term. The doomsday predictor warned that America is headed for serious tyranny and there’s only one solution. Jesus? No. A military takeover – with God’s help of course!

We’re headed for serious tyranny, a terrible tyranny right now.”

“That’s why I appeal to the Lord: Don’t let us be totally destroyed, please raise up those who will save us. And as I’ve been telling friends for a long time, no election is going to get the right person in there because the system is so broken.” Joyner said, adding that the “only hope is a military takeover, martial law.”

Alright. What does the military have that elected officials and those who vote for them don’t? Love for America, of course.

 “I believe there are noble leaders in our military that love the republic and love everything we stand for. And they could seize the government,” the Christian TV host declared.

I guess Pat Robertson hasn’t completely cornered the market for religious fanaticism.

Via: Raw Story

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