Chinese Officials Probe Pigeon Anuses for “Suspicious Materials”

Pigeon Anuses Probed

Pigeon Anuses Probed

With pro-democracy protests raging in Hong Kong, Chinese authorities aren’t taking any chances when it comes to security for its National Day holiday on Wednesday. Unfortunately, for 10,000 pigeons, this means their anuses must be probed.

The 10,000 pigeons, who were released today in celebration of National Day, were first forced to go through an anal security check for suspicious objects.

“Their wings, tail-feathers, even their anuses must be carefully checked,” an unnamed state security officer told the Legal Evening News.

The great pigeon inspection took place at the Yuetan city sports centre in western Beijing on Tuesday evening. The reports did not clarify what “suspicious objects” the inspectors were looking for, but obviously pigeons are known for hiding bombs in their beaks and guns up their bums.

The violated birds were then packed onto a truck and sent to Tiananmen Square in Beijing where authorities inspected them a second time. Once every bird anus had been inspected twice over, the “symbols of peace” were released at sunrise in a ceremony  to celebrate the 65th anniversary of the founding of the People’s Republic of China.

So far, no bird-related terrorist attacks have been reported. Success!

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply