Chris Christie is “Readier” Than Ever to Run for President… And Other News

Chris Christie Readier

Chris Christie isn’t letting revenge scandals get the best of him, saying he is even “readier” to run for U.S. president in 2016.

Chris Christie’s office has been mired in scandal for the past couple weeks after word got out that his administration closed the George Washington Bridge and withheld Superstorm Sandy aid for petty political purposes. But now, in his first interview since he addressed the Bridgegate scandal, Chris Christie is ready to come clean – about his political ambitions. Calling himself a “fairly good politician,” the New Jersey Governor made it clear he was considering a presidential bid. He wasn’t ready in 2011, but Christie has a feeling 2016 will be his time to shine: “Yeah. I’m readier, if that’s a word.” Yes, it’s a word. Politico

Kenneth BaeScrew Dennis Rodman, send somebody else! Anybody else! Imprisoned American Kenneth Bae gave his first “press conference” since his North Korean detention and pleaded for the U.S. to work diplomatically for his release. “I believe that my problem can be solved by close cooperation and agreement between the American government and the government of this country,” Bae said on video. But it also appears Bae has been a little brainwashed – or perhaps just forced to read from a script. In his statement the tour operator and Christian missionary admitted he had committed a “serious crime” against North Korea, and that the nation does “not abuse human rights”. He also asked the U.S. to stop “making vile rumors against North Korea”. That might be difficult…. CNN 

Palestinian spermWhile some prisoners smuggle weapons and drugs, Palestinian prisoners are smuggling sperm. Faced with decades long prison sentences some Palestinian prisoners are smuggling their own sperm out of the Israeli jails and impregnating their wives through in-vitro fertilization.  First question: how??? Apparently children under 8 are the only ones allowed physical contact with their imprisoned fathers so all they have to do is jizz in a box and pass it along to someone with kids. The kids will then pass it on to the soon-to-be-preggo who then rushes to one of several fertility clinics before the sperm dies. Providing free in-virto for prisoners’ wives, “who have spent all their youth waiting for her husband, then must wait again while their husbands are in jail and their biological clocks are running out,” is a “social responsibility,” says Saalem Abu Khaizaran, director of the Razan clinic, the largest fertility clinic catering to prisoners’ wives. Thanks to the clinic more than 20 prisoners’ wives are now pregnant from IVF, and demand is growing. Except now the Israelis are probably onto their scheme…time to shut it down. Al Jazeera

Assad isn't a quitterDespite leading the country into a two-year civil war and dumping chemical weapons on a Damascus suburb, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad thinks he’s got a pretty good shot at re-election. Considering Syria’s a dictatorship and any type of election will likely be rigged, I’d say he’s got a pretty good shot too. The president says he has no intention of quitting and reiterated that he will not share power with the opposition group. “If we wanted to surrender we would have surrendered from the start,” al-Assad said, “I see no reason why I shouldn’t stand.” Unless 130,000 deaths are a reason… BBC News

Iran gets an inviteIt’s always a bummer when your friend extends an awkward last minute party invite to that weirdo kid who sits at the back of the class randomly shouting things about Holocaust conspiracy theories. Well the United States is now in that position after the United Nations invited Iran to attend to the peace conference on Syria less than 48 hours before the scheduled start. The U.S. said Iran would not be welcome unless it backed a transitional government for Syria and it expects the U.N. to withdraw Iran’s invitation. The Syrian Coalition, Assad’s main political opposition, said it will withdraw from the conference if Iran attends – so there goes any chance of dialogue between the two sides. Not to mention al-Assad’s refusal to step down…  New York Times  

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