A Disastrous Night for Democrats, But A Successful Night for Stoners

Mitch McConnell Disastrous NIght for Democrats

After a disastrous night for Democrats, the Republican Party has won control of the Senate and increased their grip on the House of Representatives.

Now controlling both chambers of Congress for the first time since 2006, the Republicans saw Senate victories in Arkansas, Montana, South Dakota, pulled off an upset in North Carolina, came from behind in Colorado and Iowa, and won for the first time in West Virginia since 1956. The party now controls 52 seats, and is tipped to win at least one more as votes are counted in other states.

To sum up, America will be seeing a lot more of Mitch McConnell, the former Republican Senate minority leader who will now become the Senate majority leader, giving him control over the chamber’s legislative agenda and floor proceedings. But on the plus side, at least we won’t be bombarded with his creepy political ads… until 2016.

As for the gubernatorial races, the Republican Party managed to hold on to the governor’s mansions in Texas, Florida, and Wisconsin, states where the Democrats had hoped to make some inroads. The race in the Sunshine State was especially close, but incumbent Rick Scott, a Republican who initially refused to set foot on the stage for a statewide, televised debate because his opponent wanted a fan to cool his balls, managed (barely) to beat challenger and former governor Charlie Crist, a former Republican running as a Democrat – with presumably sweaty balls. Despite his alarmingly low favorability ratings among Floridians, Scott was declared the winner Tuesday night with nearly all votes counted. He held nearly 49 percent of the vote to Crist’s 47 percent.

But while the Democrats crashed and burned, stoners in Oregon, Alaska, and Washington, D.C. celebrated by burning then crashing after voters approved ballot measures legalizing cannabis. Oregon and Alaska will now join fellow stoner states Colorado and Washington, where voters approved recreational use of pot for adults two years ago.

Meanwhile, Florida rejected a ballot measure that would have permitted the use of medical marijuana. No medical marijuana? How are Floridians supposed to cope with four more years of Rick Scott?!

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