Jenna Jameson Returns to Porn… And Other News

Jenna Jameson

Because oxycontin’s only cheap if you don’t do it ten times a day, Jenna Jameson announced she will be returning to the porn industry after vowing in 2008 to “never ever ever spread my legs again in this industry. Ever.”

But times got tough for Jenna Jameson – her husband beat her, she got divorced, she lost her house to foreclosure  – and now she must find a way to feed her family / oxycontin addiction the only way she knows how: porn. The 39-year-old porn star is now doing some webcam work, stripping and performing sex acts online in exchange for tips. Considering that 20 years of banging on camera left Jenna Jameson looking like a weathered tranny, she should probably start thinking of some backup plans (aside from her erotic novel). Huffington Post

50 Shades of HerpesSpeaking of inanimate objects that have been passed around a few too many times and are dripping in STDs, Belgian scientists recently found a library copy of Fifty Shades of Grey that has herpes.  Two professors in Belgium decided to perform toxicology and bacterial screenings on the 10 most popular books at the Antwerp library. The results? The popular erotic novel Fifty Shades of Grey tested positive for trace amount of the herpes virus and all 10 of the books contained traces of cocaine. The amounts were not high enough that people would get high or contract herpes from touching Fifty Shades of Grey, but were definitely enough to consider investing in your own copy. Or you can just wait until Valentine’s Day 2015 when the movie is out and spend your night quietly masturbating in the theatre. Gawker

Brian Wilson BeardNo razor? No Yankees! The New New Yankees have a strict Steinbrenner-era facial hair policy, which requires neatly groomed mustaches and NO hair below the lip. General Manager Brian Cashman revealed that the team had shown interest in Brian Wilson, the eccentric former San Francisico Giants closer known for his wildly unkempt beard. Wilson, however, reportedly refused to shave his facial hair in order to join the team. He also reportedly turned down a $1 million offer from a razor company to shave it off. Cashman’s response? “Cross him off the list.” Well, he could always try out for Duck Dynasty. NY Daily News

Whitey Mob BossBoston mob boss James “Whitey” Bulgar has been handed two life sentences plus five years by a court in Boston after being convicted of racketeering, extortion, money laundering, obstruction of justice, narcotics distribution, and participation in eleven murders. Did they really need to tack on the extra five years? According to U.S. District Judge Denise Casper, yes. “The scope, the callousness, the depravity of your crimes are almost unfathomable. Your crimes are made all the more heinous because they are all about money,” she said. The 84-year-old mobster, who prosecutors described as a “sociopath,” had been on the FBI’s most wanted list alongside Osama bin Laden for sixteen years before being arrested by the FBI in 2011. BBC News

Rob Ford and WifeToronto Mayor / heart attack waiting to happen Rob Ford has apologized for the “unforgivable language” about oral sex he used on Thursday in remarks made to reporters. Hours after telling the world he doesn’t want to eat his staffer’s “pussy” because he’s “got more than enough to eat at home,” he appeared again before reporters to apologize. Oh, and he dragged his wife along too. “When you attack my integrity as a father and as a husband, I see red. Today I acted on complete impulse in my remarks,” Ford told reporters while his humiliated wife, who was probably wishing she was dead, stood at his side. Ford also said he was under “tremendous stress” and was “receiving support from a team of health care professionals.” Nothing that a little crack smoking and pussy eating won’t cure! The Toronto Star

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