John Kerry’s On A Boat… And Other News

John Kerry on a Boat

“I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat, everybody look at me ’cause I’m sailing on a boat. I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat. Take a good hard look at the motherf*cking boat,” Secretary of State John Kerry sang from his boat in Nantucket on Wednesday while the Egyptian president was being deposed.

Amid dealing with goings-on in Egypt John Kerry made the mistake of being photographed on a boat on Nantucket the day of the coup. After denying being on boat, pictures of Kerry on the boat surfaced, and his team had to awkwardly reverse the previous denial. “Any report or tweet that he was on a boat is completely inaccurate” turned into “While he was briefly on his boat on Wednesday, Secretary Kerry worked around the clock all day including participating in the president’s meeting with his national security council”. Who doesn’t take a quick boat break in the middle of dealing with an Egyptian crisis?

John Kerry’s response to the nonsense? “F*ck land, I’m on a boat, motherf*cker.” Politico

Trump v MonninScore one for the Trump! A federal judge has ruled that beauty queen Sheen Monnin must pay Donald Trump’s Miss USA organization $5m for defamation. The disgraced beuty queen resigned as Miss Pennsylvania in 2012 after publicly claiming the contest was rigged. Her allegations allegedly cost the pageant $5m in a lost sponsorship deal. Monnin insisted that another contestant had learned the names of the Miss USA competitors who finished in the top five, before the show was even broadcast. The Miss USA organization denied any wrongdoing and took Monnin to court, where she lost for a second time. Rumour on the pageant circuit, however, is that Monnin didn’t resign over the results, but rather that she disagreed with a decision to allow transgender contestants. Sounds like someone knew they wouldn’t stand a chance next to RuPaul. Either way, I smell the plot for Miss Congeniality 3: No RuPologies. BBC News

Trayvon MotherIt’s Mother vs. Mother in the George Zimmerman trial. George Zimmerman’s mother and uncle took the stand in the second-degree murder trial and testified that the screams heard on the recording of a 911 call belonged to Zimmerman. But earlier the victim’s mother, Sybrina Martin, said that the voice heard screaming for help was her son’s. “Absolutely,” she answered resolutely, adding that she knew it was him the minute she heard the recording. Identifying which voice it was is considered key to proving whether George Zimmerman or 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was the aggressor the night of the murder. This is one problem Zimmerman’s lawyer can’t solve with a knock-knock joke. Although that probably won’t stop him from trying. CNN

FireworksBeer+hotdogs+fireworks = the headline: “FIREWORKS ACCIDENT INJURES 28”. An accidental detonation of fireworks in Simi Valley, California ended in shrapnel-like injuries and burns for 28 onlookers gathered to watch the city’s Fourth of July fireworks display last night. Four suffered serious, but not life-threatening, injuries. Police say the cause of the explosion was unknown but it was likely that a firework got a little too excited and detonated prematurely in its mortar, knocking over a row of others. New York Times

Peter ChanIn an epic gold digging fail, the former lover of Chinese billionaire Nina Wang was sentenced to 12 years in prison after a Hong Kong court found him guilty of forging a will to claim her multibillion-dollar estate. After Nina Wang died in 2007 from cancer at the age of 69, Peter Chan tried to pass himself off as the beneficiary of her fortune, estimated by prosecutors at over $10 billion. Apparently the $3 billion Wang gave him while she was alive was not enough for his gold digging ways. He needed the rest – which was supposed to go to a charitable foundation Wang and her late husband founded. USA Today

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