Kim Jong Un May Be Suffering From Cheese Induced Gout

Kim Jong Cheese

Kim Jong Un’s mysterious month long absence from the public eye has led to speculation that the North Korean leader’s weakness for cheese has caused a bad case of gout.

The Supreme Leader’s health problems are so severe that even the North Korean media, which typically portrays the isolated nation’s leader as indestructible, has confirmed Kim is “suffering discomfort.”

The admission of “discomfort”, along with a video from July showing the increasingly overweight 31-year-old walking with a slight limp, have fueled the rumour mill.

The Chosun Ilbo, South Korea’s largest newspaper, reported that Kim had fractured both of his ankles and had surgery in Pyongyang in the middle of September to treat them.

“I heard that Kim Jong Un injured his right ankle in June after pushing ahead with on-site visits and ended up fracturing both ankles because he left the injury unattended,” the source was quoted as saying.

Well, that makes sense. Whenever you injure one ankle and leave it unattended, the other one will break itself in a gesture of solidarity. But even with two broken ankles, the Supreme Leader trudged on.

“Despite some discomfort, our Marshal continues to come out and lead the people,” said the narrator of a documentary called “Improving the Lives of the People,” showing footage of Kim limping through the Taedonggang Tile Factory last month.

“His whole body is drenched in sweat, but he does not stop working hard, instead showing concern for the health of the other workers.”

Other non-propaganda commenters have guessed that Kim has gout, which runs in the family, as well as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol partially brought on by an excessive cheese habit. The North Korean dictator is known to send representatives around the world in search of high-quality cheese after acquiring a taste for it while studying in Switzerland. In fact, some rumours have gone so far as to suggest that Kim got so fat from eating cheese that his ankles simply gave out.

Meanwhile, the rest of the impoverished country continues to starve.

No comments yet.

Leave a Reply