Rambo impersonator attacks FedEx!
A 19-year-old package handler decked out “Rambo-style,” with an assault rifle and bullets strapped to his chest, opened fire on fellow employees at a FedEx facility in suburban Atlanta early Tuesday morning. Six people were sent to the hospital following the shooting and the suspect, 19-year-old Geddy L. Kramer of Acworth, died from a self-inflicted gunshot. “He had an assault rifle. He had bullets strapped to his chest like Rambo,” a FedEx employee said. “I mean, he looked like he was heading into war. As soon as I saw him, I ran the other way. I ran and made sure that people upstairs were gone. He was in all black. I think he had a camo vest.” Maybe now Georgia will reconsider their “GUNS EVERYWHERE” bill? No, who am I kidding? They love that bill. USA Today
There’s no time like the middle of a civil war to start your reelection campaign! Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has announced he will seek a third presidential term when Syria holds its election on June 3. Yes, Assad has decided to throw his hat into the ring for a third seven year term! And by hat, I mean a fistful of nerve gas and by ring, I mean a Damascus suburb. And who had the good taste to nominate the Syrian dictator? Bashar al-Assad of course! “I… Dr. Bashar Hafez al-Assad… wish to nominate myself for the post of president of the republic,” the dictator announced in a letter read by Parliament Speaker Mohammad al-Laham. As of now Assad leads a list of 24 presidential hopefuls who have registered as potential candidates for the June election. Despite poisoning his own people with nerve gas and failing to meet Syria’s second deadline for surrendering chemical weapons, Assad is the overwhelming favourite and is expected to coast to victory – mostly because the election is a sham. But in all seriousness I’m sure he’ll get a few legitimate votes – like from that guy who nominated him. LA Times
What do you get when you cross a donkey with a zebra? Adorable! Following the unlikely love affair between a female zebra named Rayas and a dwarf albino donkey named Ignacio, a rare zonkey was born at a zoo in northern Mexico. The zonkey, named Khumba, was born on April 21 at the Reynosa Zoo in northeastern Mexico and already rocks some pretty awesome zebra-striped legs. The birth of the little zonkey was a big surprise, as the zebra and donkey chromosomes are not usually compatible and no one is typically attracted to albino dwarves. Telegraph
If having to watch every Buffalo Bills football game wasn’t bad enough, the Bills’ cheerleaders also have to put up with bad wages and “jiggle tests”. The Buffalo Bills’ cheerleaders (aka the Buffalo Jills) filed suit last week against the National Football League for what they claim is an unfair wage system. The five cheerleaders who brought the lawsuit forward complained that they were forced to work hundreds of hours without pay, cover their own travel expenses and spend hundreds of dollars on uniforms – all of which violates the state’s $8-an-hour minimum-wage rule. With personal costs, one cheerleader said in a press conference that she estimated she made just $105 during the 2012-2013 season. And then there’s the “jiggle tests”… In addition to putting up with “degrading sexual comments and inappropriate touching” at promotional events, dancers were given penalties if they failed the “jiggle test,” a visual inspection of a dancer’s body fat. Wait, the jiggle test has nothing to do with boobs? That’s more surprising than only making $105 a season. Globe and Mail
Some teenagers deal with a rejected prom invite by binge eating ice cream and crying at home, others simply stab their crush to death. A 16-year-old boy was charged on Tuesday after he stabbed a female classmate to death outside their Connecticut high school because she rejected his invitation to the prom. Christopher Plaskon, a junior at Jonathan Law High School in Milford, about an hour away from New York City, admitted to stabbing his dream prom date with a kitchen knife, telling a police officer, “I did it. Just arrest me.” Meanwhile, the prom, which was scheduled for last Friday night, has been postponed. Way to ruin it for everybody Christopher! Reuters