Shocking News: Rep. Aaron Schock Resigns … And Other News

downton_abby_arron Schock

Hey big spender, you surrender! Rep. Aaron Schock announced he will resign from Congress amid accusations that the Illinois Republican went overboard spending taxpayers’ money on everything from luxury travel to Katy Perry tickets to tens of thousands of dollars in mileage reimbursements.

In a statement issued Tuesday Schock said that “constant questions over the last six weeks have proven a great distraction” and have made it “too difficult for me to serve the people of the 18th District. Some were shocked over Schock’s resignation, but others were not. If you spent thousands of taxpayers’ dollars redecorating your congressional office to resemble the set of Downton Abbey, eventually you’re going to get some questions – both about your spending habits and your sexual orientation. Chicago Tribune

Putin MissingWhere in the world is Vladimir Putin? Oh, there he is. It had been almost two weeks since the Russian President was last seen in public, sparking rumors that he might have fallen ill, been removed in a coup, or simply died. But on Monday, after cancelling a number of scheduled events, the Kremlin leader stepped back into the spotlight, attending a meeting with Kyrgyzstan President Almazbek Atambayev in St. Petersburg. Asked by reporters about the speculation on his health, the reasonably healthy looking Russian leader replied: “It would be boring without gossip.” BBC News

Man gestures whilst holding a gun at a weapons store in a market in ArhabOops, we lost $500 million worth of weapons in Yemen! The Pentagon is unable to account for more than $500 million in U.S. military aid given to Yemen. Wait, why is Yemen getting $500 million in weapons? Well, US foreign policy dictates that one should flood the area with weapons and let Yemen deal with any emerging civil conflicts – which is great until the rebels take over. Yemen has been in a state of chaos since Shiite Houthi rebels, who receive support from Iran, overthrew the government in January and began taking over many Yemeni military bases. So now there are fears that the untracked supplies, which range from M-16s to Humvees, are at risk of being seized by Iranian-backed rebels or al-Qaeda. Having weapons fall into the wrong hands? Well, that’s another staple of US foreign policy. Washington Post

Penn FratWho knew frats were douchbag central? (I mean, besides everyone). A fraternity at Penn State University has been suspended after police discovered a private Facebook page where members posted images of partially naked women while they were passed out or sleeping. A former member of the Kappa Delta Rho fraternity contacted the police and told them about the page, which also included posts related to hazing and drug deals. There are two clear takeaways from this story: frats sound truly terrible and there’s no such thing as a private Facebook page. CBS News

Butt InjectionsThe self-proclaimed “Michelangelo of Butt Injections” has been convicted of murder. Padge-Victoria Windslowe, a former madam who performed thousands of buttocks injections without a license, was found guilty of murdering a dancer whose heart stopped after nearly half a gallon of silicone was injected into her buttocks. The evidence revealed that Windslowe traveled to hotel rooms for “pumping parties” equipped with her medical equipment: a water bottle filled with liquid silicone, a red plastic cup, needles and syringes, and Krazy Glue to close the wound. Not only did Windslowe not have any medical training (hence the Krazy Glue), her methods came from tips from overseas doctors who did her sex change operation as well as a client of her escort service who was a physician. That physician’s name? Dr. Nick Riveria, graduate of the Hollywood Upstairs Medical College. Don’t worry. You won’t feel a thing… [exhibiting a swirling mechanical device] …till I jam this in your butt! Huffington Post

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