Tag Archives: Al-Assad

Assad: Amnesty for Some! And Other News

Assad Amnesty

Less than a week after winning another 7 year term in Syria’s “democratic election”, Bashar al-Assad declared a general amnesty for all prisoners within the country.

Syria’s pro-government Al Ikhbariya television station announced Assad would commute some death sentences to life imprisonment, reduce jail terms for many offences and cancel some others altogether. The decree would also give foreigners who entered the country “to join a terrorist group or perpetrate a terrorist act” an amnesty option if they surrendered to authorities within a month. Kidnappers who free their hostages and army deserters would also be covered by the decree. Of course, Assad also insisted the Syrian government had no idea how those chemical weapons wound up in a Damascus suburb… so who knows if he’ll stand by his decree. As for the tens of thousands of jailed opposition supporters, there’s been no word yet on whether or not the amnesty will apply to them – but they probably shouldn’t hold their breath… unless they’re being water boarded in prison. Reuters

Oldest ManThe world’s oldest man is no longer. Alexander Imich, the oldest known man on earth, died at the age of 111 Sunday in his Manhattan home. Born February 4, 1903, Imich came to the U.S. after fleeing a Nazi invasion of his native Poland. The retired chemist and parapsychologist lived on New York’s Upper West Side until his death and attributed his long life to never drinking alcohol and a healthy dose of swimming and gymnastics. Guinness is now investigating the claim that 111-year-old Sakari Momoi of Japan is the new world’s oldest man. But neither come close to the world’s oldest woman – 116-year-old Misao Okawa of Japan. Well, they actually came pretty close. Fox News

bergdahl swapObama is sticking by his swap! Speaking at a press conference in Brussels Thursday, President Obama strongly defended his decision to swap five members of the Taliban for Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl. A national controversy has erupted over whether or not Obama paid too high a price, but according to the president, “no man left behind” trumps “we do not negotiate with terrorists”. “We saw an opportunity and we seized it and I make no apologies for that,” Obama said. “It would have been offensive and incomprehensible to consciously leave an American behind — no matter what,” John Kerry, a Vietnam War veteran, told CNN. As for the 28-year-old former captive, he’s not doing so hot. He is reportedly suffering from disorders affecting his skin after surviving five years of harsh treatment at the hands of his Taliban captors. Word on the street (the New York Times…) says the Taliban kept him in a metal cage in the dark for weeks after he tried to escape. He is also struggling with emotional issues and has yet to contact his parents. And to make matters worse (for Bergdahl), the soldier’s former comrades have charged he was captured by the Taliban in 2009 after deserting his post – an accusation that conservative Republicans and crazed pundits have pounced on. An alleged traitor coming back to America in exchange for FIVE dangerous terrorists?!? Maybe he would be better off back in the Taliban’s metal cage… Raw Story

Thailand HappinessThere’s nothing like putting a positive spin on a military coup! The military junta that seized power in Thailand last month isn’t ready to relinquish power but they are ready to boost national levels of happiness. The army has launched an official campaign that involves free concerts, food, female dancers, and horses for petting (?) in order to “return happiness” to the country after a decade of political upheaval. And what better way to usher in a new wave of happiness than with a happiness song. The song, Return Happiness to Thailand, features such reassuring lyrics as “we offer to take care and protect you with our hearts” and “give us a little more time”. The lovely ballad was penned by the army chief himself, General Prayut Chan-O-Cha and has been viewed more than 200,000 times on YouTube, making the song far more popular with the Bangkok crowd than the General himself. Raw Story

Las Vegas ShootingShootings, shootings, shootings! A few days after 26-year-old Aaron Ybarra gave in to his “fascination with mass shootings” by shooting up Seattle Pacific University, three people, including two police officers, were killed in a Las Vegas shooting spree. The violence began at a Las Vegas pizza restaurant and ended at a nearby Walmart, where the two alleged gunmen—a married couple believed to be in their twenties—killed a woman in the store and then committed suicide. Witnesses told police the shooters said: “This is a revolution” during their attack. As for the motive, there appears to be a white-supremacy connection to the attacks. Investigators reportedly found white-supremacist and swastika-laden paraphernalia in the couple’s apartment and according to neighbors the couple had a reputation for spouting racist, anti-government views. Strangely enough, the two officers killed in the attack were white. BBC News

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Syrian Rebels Bid Farewell to Bloodstained Homs… And Other News

Homs Withdraw

Well, they had a good run… I guess. With just a month to go until Syria’s election, the rebels evacuated their last stronghold in the central Syrian city of Homs.

The Homs withdrawal marks the end of three years of resistance in the central city where the rebellion against President Bashar al-Assad first began. The rebels had held control of Homs since 2011, but over the past two years government forces gradually regained control by subjecting the city to continuous siege and bombardment. “We ate grass and leaves until there was nothing left for us to eat,” said opposition activist Abu Yassin al-Homsi, who was preparing to leave Homs. “We kept urging the international community to lift the siege but there was no response,” he added. The abandonment of the bloodstained city is seen as a major symbolic victory for Assad, who is excited to be running for a third presidential term and even more excited that the democratic process is extremely corrupt in his favour. BBC News

Rob Ford Mayor RehabRob Ford is loving rehab! “I feel great. Rehab is amazing. It reminds me of football camp. Kind of like the Washington Redskins camp I went to as a kid,” Toronto’s crack-smoking mayor told the Toronto Sun. Ford also inisisted that he, NOT his brother Doug, will be running for mayor in the October election. “Of course, I am coming back and I am going to kick butt,” he said. Pending any new crack videos, of course… Ford — who is on the city payroll during his “leave of absence” — still wouldn’t divulge the name of the rehab facility he is in or even if it’s in Canada. Hmmm… are we sure he’s just not just up north at his family’s cottage? The Toronto Sun

Indonesia ShariaIf you still don’t believe introducing Sharia law in Brunei is the greatest thing since sliced bread, here’s a heartwarming story for you: A 25-year-old Indonesian widow who was allegedly gang-raped by eight men after they found her having sex with a married man will face nine strokes of a cane for violating religious law. Once the affair was uncovered, a group of eight men beat up the man, gang-raped the woman, and then covered the couple in raw sewage before turning them over to Islamic police. Despite their ordeal, the head of the town’s Islamic sharia law office, Ibrahim Latif, said the man and woman still face up to nine lashes of the cane in public over the affair. “We want the couple to be caned for violating sharia law on adultery,” he said, adding that the rapists would also be brought to justice, but first the Islamic police have to concentrate on those slutty consenting adults. The Guardian

anti-semitic NYPDMaybe this is part of the reason #myNYPD failed so miserably? A former New York City police officer was arrested and charged with committing a hate crime after he was caught on surveillance video vandalizing buildings in a largely Orthodox Jewish Brooklyn community with anti-Semitic messages. 36-year-old Michael Setiawan was picked up before dawn on Sunday after police received a 911 call about some mysterious swastikas, courtesy of Setiawan’s Saturday night anti-Semetic graffiti spree. The former cop, who’s been off the force since 2007, faces 19 counts of criminal mischief as a hate crime and aggravated harassment as a hate crime. New York’s finest! Huffington Post

Deputy QuilesSpeaking of sketchy cops, a totally sober Wisconsin woman was charged with drunk driving after a sheriff’s deputy crashed into her car. 25-year-old Tanya Weyker broke her neck in the accident and after being questioned by the police in her injured state, Deputy Joseph Quiles (who caused the accident) decided to charge her with drunk driving – even though her injuries prevented her from taking a breathalyzer. Even though subsequent blood tests showed Tanya Weyker was sober and surveillance video proved the officer was at fault, the charges remained pending for more than five months and the county sent letters threatening legal action if she didn’t pay for damage to the deputy’s squad car. Despite receiving only very minor injuries in the crash, Deputy Quiles filed for permanent disability shortly after the accident – most likely for some kind of inability to tell the truth. Raw Story

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Syria Peace Conference

Current Event Cat - Syria Peace Conference

Wednesday marked the beginning of a long-delayed peace conference on Syria, but things are off to a rough start.

The peace conference, set in the lakeside Swiss city of Montreux, marks the first time the Syrian regime has sat down at the negotiating table with the opposition since the conflict began in March 2011. But on the first day of the conference things got a little testy between Syria’s government and the main political opposition, casting some doubt on the whether or not the peace talks will be able to ease the ongoing violence or even open up emergency aid corridors to help displaced civilians.

The main source of conflict was what to do with Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. Assad has already stated that he will not step down, but the opposition and US said the Syrian dictator had no legitimacy and must resign from power.

US Secretary of State John Kerry insisted that Assad “will not be part of that transitional government”.

“There is no way, not possible in the imagination, that the man who has lead the brutal response to his own people could regain legitimacy to govern,” Kerry added.

Apparently slaughtering your own citizens and showering them with chemical weapons isn’t as popular with the international crowd as it used to be.

The Syrian foreign minister, Walid al-Moallem, who led his country’s delegation, struck back at Kerry saying only the Syrian people could decide their president.

“No-one in the world has the right to confer or withdraw the legitimacy of a president, a constitution or a law, except for the Syrians themselves,” he told Kerry, adding that the Syrian insurgents were evil traitors who had “Syrian blood on their hands” and accusing the U.S. of supporting terrorist groups in the opposition.

After the UN’s Ban Ki-moon warned him his speech was running far over the allotted 10-minute slot, Moallem snapped back at him too.

“You live in New York. I live in Syria,” Moallem told the UN secretary general. “I have the right to give the Syrian version here. After three years of suffering, this is my right.”

Huh. Well, it’s only the first day. And look at the bright side – at least Iran didn’t show up.

Via: The New York Times

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Bashar al-Assad: The Nobel Peace Prize Should Have Been Mine!

Assad NObel Prize

Either Syrian President Bashar al-Assad is testing out his fallback career of being a stand-up comedian or he’s crazier than originally thought.

During a recent meeting with visitors at the presidential palace, Assad “joked” that he deserved to win the Nobel Peace Prize instead of the Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons, which is currently working to destroy Syria’s chemical arsenal by mid-2014. The Lebanese newspaper Al-Akhbar reported that the Syrian President said the coveted prize “should have been mine.” Good one Assad!

The Norwegian Nobel Prize Committee announced last week it would award the OPCW for its “extensive efforts to eliminate chemical weapons,” but Al-Akhbar, a newspaper sympathetic to the Syria regime, claims Assad said in 2003 that all nations in the region should hand over their chemical weapons. So really, he was robbed!!! Now he and Putin will have one more thing to talk about during their friendly get-togethers.

Even if Assad was joking about winning the peace prize, the 100,000 people who have died since the beginning of the Syrian conflict, including the 1,400 people who died in August in a chemical weapons attack on a Damascus suburb, probably don’t think it’s very funny.  In fact, the OPCW inspectors who are currently travelling through war zones trying to eradicate Syria’s chemical weapons probably don’t think it’s the best joke either. Maybe he should work on a new fallback career… may I suggest Beaker from the Muppet Show lookalike? The pay may not be great, but at least he can still work with chemicals.

Beaker Assad

Via: The Telegraph

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Assad Needs One Year

Current Event Cat - One Year Assad

Syrian President Bashar al-Assad says he needs one year to destroy all the chemical weapons he has but has “never used”.

In an interview with FOX News, Assad insisted that destroying the stockpiles of chemical weapons would cost US$1 billion and would take roughly one year. Assad claims he’s totally on board with handing over the weapons but calls the procedure “a very complicated operation, technically” that “needs a lot of money”. Is this Assad’s way of asking for a billion dollar handout? Kind of…

And when asked whether he would be willing to hand over chemical weapons to the US, President Assad said:

“It needs about one billion. It is very detrimental to the environment. If the American administration is ready to pay this money and take the responsibility of bringing toxic materials to the United States, why don’t they do it?”

Despite his apparent willingness to give up his chemical weapons, Assad is sticking to his story that his government never sanctioned any sarin gas attacks.First, he tried to pin it on the rebels, saying terrorists were to blame for the chemical attack which killed more than 1,400 people.

“Sarin gas is called kitchen gas,” he said. “You know why? Because anybody can make sarin in his house. Any rebel can make sarin!”

So can any dictator – especially one with a large kitchen. But Assad says he has some mystery evidence that it was the terrorist groups who used sarin gas and has handed that info over to Russia (for safekeeping?).

Next he decided to blame photoshop. Assad said that the shocking videos of victims following a chemical weapons attack could have been forged.

“You cannot build a report on videos,” he said, adding, “There’s a lot of forgery on the Internet.

Assad cheering USFor example, this photo of Bashar al-Assad may be a fake. Assad would never wear something so short!

Via: The National Post & Current Event Cats


Current Event Cat of the Day: Chemical Weapons Surrender

Current Event Cat - Syria War on Hold Chemical Weapons

Diplomacy has won out… for now. In lieu of Syria’s recent agreement to give up its chemical weapons stockpile, President Obama has asked Congress to postpone its vote on Syria.

The president announced the decision to hold off on Syria in a national address, but still emphazised that in the absence of a peaceful diplomatic solution, military strikes are still on the table. After all, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad did cross the red line when he used chemical weapons against his own people.

Basically Obama just needs some time to assess the credibility of a Russian-led proposal to exchange the chemical weapons for a hall pass from US military strikes. I.e. can we trust Putin? And more importantly, can we trust Assad? (probably not). Obama said he will work with France, Britain, China and Russia on a United Nations resolution requiring Assad to follow through on his promise.

“The Russian government has indicated a willingness to join with the international community in pushing Assad to give up his chemical weapons,” Obama said. “The Assad regime has now admitted that it has these weapons and even said they’d join the Chemical Weapons Convention, which prohibits their use.”

Obama also acknowledged in his 15-minute national address, that he knows Americans aren’t itching to go to war again and reassured them that he has “a deeply held preference for peaceful solutions.”

“I will not put American boots on the ground in Syria,” he said. “I will not pursue an open-ended war like Iraq or Afghanistan. I will not pursue a prolonged air campaign like Libya or Kosovo. This would be a targeted strike to achieve a clear objective, deterring the use of chemical weapons and degrading Assad’s capabilities.”

Now we just have to wait and see if the diplomatic dream team (Putin & Assad) can pull this off!

Via: CBC News & Current Event Cats


Current Event Cat of the Day: Iraq 2.0

Current EVent Cat - Iraq 2.0

Reagan’s baaack! And just in time for Iraq 2.0! As Reagan was perusing around Kenya on a search for big cats, Obama was agonizing over whether Syria had finally crossed the imaginary red line. Spoiler alert: they did.

Citing evidence of alleged chemical attacks against a Damascus suburb on August 21, Obama decided it was time for action. Military action. And by military action I mean the act of asking for a Congressional vote on military action.

But before Congress could return from their summer recess to argue the pros and cons of Iraq 2.0, Obama headed to a tense G20 meeting in St. Petersburg to have an awkward conversation with Russian President Vladimir Putin and try to rally some support for an American strike on Syria.

In what came as a shock to no one, Putin and Obama had somewhat differing views on Syria (Obama: They crossed the line – military action!, Putin: No, it’s fine.) and not much was accomplished. After the meeting Putin released a terse official statement, reading, “I should be afraid of this skinny man? I wrestle bears.” (Official statement may not have happened, but I wish it did…)

Then, in a move that DID surprise some, Putin steps in with a proposal to put Syria’s chemical weapons under international control in an attempt to diffuse the situation.

Obama called the Russian proposal a possible breakthrough and subsequently let out a huge sigh of relief. He then gave Putin a huge bear hug for bailing him out of a tough situation that could have involved a humiliating Congressional defeat and a lengthy period spent convincing the skeptical American public that Iraq 2.0 was needed. (Note: bear hug also may not have happened, but again, I wish it did).

It’s unclear whether or not this possible diplomatic solution will be successful. Syria has accepted Russia’s proposal to avert a strike by handing over their weapons and Russia is working with Syria to prepare a detailed plan of action. But despite agreeing to the proposal, Assad isn’t really helping matters. The Syrian president is still denying his involvement in the chemical attack, stating that the rebels were behind the incident that killed 1,400 civilians. So the whole thing still sounds a little sketchy at this point… stay tuned for a “Putin Saves the Day” situation or a possible go-ahead on Iraq 2.0.

Via: Current Event Cats & New York Times

U.N: Syria Death Toll at 93,000

U.N Syria Death

At least 93,000 people have been killed in Syria since the bloody conflict began nearly two years ago, according to the U.N.

Syria’s been a bloody mess for a while now and things seem to be getting worse. The killings related to the country’s uprising against President Bashar al-Assad have risen sharply as the fighting turns increasingly sectarian. According to U.N’s human rights body, the death toll of 93,000 represents a rise of more than 30,000 since the U.N last issued figures covering the period through November 2012. So on average, people are dying in Syria at a rate of 5,000 per month.

Navi Pillay, the United Nations high commissioner for human rights, said “The constant flow of killings continues at shockingly high levels” and the number 93,000 “is most likely a minimum casualty figure. The true number of those killed is potentially much higher.”

And who is bearing the brunt of the killings? Civilians! 80 per cent of the deaths were men and the U.N has documented 1,700 children under the age of 10 killed. Hold on – it gets worse. The U.N also reports that children are being used as sniper targets and human shields by booth Assad’s army and the rebels. The UN special representative on children in conflict said it had received “verified reports that Syrian children are killed or injured in indiscriminate bombings, shot by snipers, used as human shields or victims of terror tactics.” And to top it off, there are reports that the main rebel group is recruiting child soldiers between the ages of 15 and 17 and child detainees as young as 14 were tortured like adults.

Pillay said the killings of at least 6,561 minors, including at least 1,729 children under 10 years old were documented, and that there were “well-documented cases of individual children being tortured and executed, and entire families, including babies, being massacred — which, along with this devastatingly high death toll, is a terrible reminder of just how vicious this conflict has become.”

The solution?

“The only answer is a negotiated political solution. Tragically, shamefully, nothing will restore the 93,000 or more individual lives already lost.” Pillay said, urging the international community to help end the conflict.

And Pillay isn’t the only one nudging Obama to act. At a private event with Senator John McCain on Tuesday night, Bill Clinton called Barack Obama a total wuss for not intervening. Comparing Obama’s inaction with his own choice to intervene in Kosovo, Clinton said:

“You just think how lame you’d be… suppose I had let a million people, two million people be refugees out of Kosovo, a couple hundred thousand people die, and they say, ‘You could have stopped this by dropping a few bombs. Why didn’t you do it?’ And I say, ‘because the House of Representatives voted 75% against it?’ You look like a total wuss, and you would be.”

I guess now that Obama is no longer his wife’s boss, the bromance between them is over.

Via: The New York Times

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Syrian Army Retakes Golan Crossing… And Other News

Syrian ARmy Retakes Golan

Another victory for the Syrian Army! Which is good news Syrian President Bashar al-Assad and bad news for the rebels fighting to oust him.

The anti-Assad rebels briefly seized the sole crossing between Israel and Syria on Thursday morning, leaving UN staff to run around panicking. But in the end the Syrian army managed to push them back and reassert their control over the Golan Heights. Austria has already said it will withdraw its peacekeepers from the Golan Heights because of the fighting, much to Israel’s chagrin. Israel is worried that without UN presence, the Golan Heights, situated on the Israeli-Syrian border, will become the go-to place for attacks on Israelis – either by Islamist extremists fighting for the rebels, or by Hezbollah militants fighting on the government side. BBC News

No KnivesTSA 1 month ago: Knives are fine on planes now. TSA today: No knives on planes! The Transportation Security Administration gave into congressional peer pressure (the worst kind of peer pressure!), and announced that its abandoning a plan to allow passengers to carry small knives, souvenir bats, golf clubs and other sports equipment onto planes. Shampoo and water were still forbidden under the plan though. The TSA faced fierce backlash from lawmakers, airlines, and the public, all of whom didn’t like the idea of small knives on planes. Congress called the plan “dangerous, unnecessary and irresponsible.” Sounds like someone’s still scared of 9/11… Associated Press

Philly Building CollapseBangladesh isn’t the only place with decrepid buildings. On Wednesday morning a building collapsed in downtown Philadelphia, killing six people and injuring at least 14. The building, which was under demolition, unexpectedly fell to the ground, sending debris through the wall and roof of a neighboring Salvation Army. Rescue crews rushed to the scene, digging through the rubble in search of survivors. A 61-year-old woman was pulled from the debris hours after the building collapsed. She is recovery from non-life threatening injuries. CBS News

Google PornNo porn for you! Google is banning porn apps on its new futuristic glasses, Google Glass. Apparently orn apps violate the most recent additions to Google’s developer policies for Google Glass, which ban sexually explicit material. Bad news for MiKandi, the adult app store that just released the first porn app for Google Glass. In unrelated news, projected sales for Google Glass drop by 90% among the male demographic. CNN

Paris JacksonParis Jackson, one of the three Michael Jackson kids, attempted suicide on Wednesday by taking a meat cleaver to her arm and swallowing a bunch of Motrin. The 15-year-old reportedly called a suicide hotline prior to the incident and because of that the cops do NOT believe her intent was to kill herself. The police officers who responded to the 911 think the late Prince of Pop’s daughter really “wanted to be saved”, which is why she called the hotline to make sure EMTs got there in time. TMZ’s source also says “who takes Motrin to kill themselves?” and “she’s into the drama.” Attention seeking or not, if you grew up locked in a house with Michael Jackson and a kid named Blanket, you’re bound to be f*cked up.  TMZ

Trish StaineSome people puke after running 10 miles, others chug Gatorade, and some give birth. After running 10 miles, Trish Staine, 33, an aspiring half-marathon runner, had unbearable backpains. Eventually she went to the ER and realized she was 8 months pregnant.  She was then whisked away to the delivery room where she gave birth to a daughter. The Minnesota mother of three said she hadn’t gained any weight or felt fetal movement in the months before. AND… her husband had had a vasectomy. Staine said her husband has a good sense of humor but “he’s still in shock. Everybody is teasing him.” About him not being the father…? Huffington Post

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And in Other News…

What Reagan Missed: Other News of the Day

Other News - Assad

Assad vows to “wipe out” Syria’s extremists. Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s been trying to do that for a few years now. Unsuccessfully. But this time, it’s personal! President Bashar Assad’s latest fit is over a suicide bombing at a mosque that killed dozens of people, including Sheikh Mohammad Said Ramadan al-Buti, a top Sunni cleric and a strong supporter of Assad. But not to worry al-Buti. Assad says “Your blood and your grandson’s, as well as that of all the nation’s martyrs will not go in vain because we will continue to follow your thinking to wipe out their darkness and clear our country of them.” Them being the extremists, I presume. Associated Press

Other News - Turkey ObamaHmm.. maybe Obama really is making peace in the Middle East. The president reportedly got Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu to apologize to Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan for the way he handled the deadly commando raid on a Turkish ship in 2010. The Turkish PM accepted the apology and now diplomatic relations have been restored for the first time since 2010. New York Times

Other News - UnityOh what could have been… Apparently, in the weeks leading up to the Michigan primaries Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum nearly agreed to form a joint “Unity Ticket” to consolidate conservative support and beat the struggling Mitt Romney. In the end negotiations collapsed as Gingrich and Santorum could not agree on who would be the Batman and who would be the Robin in their little duo. I’m pretty sure I could settle that one right now: Santorum would be Robin. Businessweek

Other News - ChinuaNigerian author Chinua Achebe, 82, dies after a brief illness. The author, of “Things Fall Apart” fame, was regarded as the founding father of African literature. Achebe wrote more than 20 works – mostly critical pieces about politicians and leadership failures in Nigeria. His latest book was about the Biafran region’s failed war of independence and resulting famine. You know, just your typical light easy read. Los Angeles Times

demimoorewhipitsSorry Demi Moore, your depressing middle-aged fun is over. Los Angeles police are cracking down on whippets. Use of the recreational drug, also known as the laughing gas your dentist knocks you out with, has grown in recent years but now the police are fed up. According to LA authorities, the drug has been linked with fatal car accidents, rapes and teen deaths. Police have busted more than 350 illegal parties since September and plan to track further whippet use using social media. Note to white trash drug users: do not post your whippet activity online or there will be no moore whippets for you. Fox News

Other News - CyberFirst they blame North Korea, then they blame China, and then they realize you should always go with your gut instinct. South Korea is suffering from embarrassment after they misidentified China as the source of the cyber attack they experienced earlier this week. After they initially suspected North Korea, South Korean investigators announced they had traced the virus to an IP address is China. This turned out to be false and South Korea is once again giving North Korea the suspicious side eye. CBC News

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