Tag Archives: China

China Panics as Putin Puts the Moves on the First Lady

Putin China First Lady

Chinese censors went into panic mode in a rush to block footage of Russian President Vladimir Putin acting chivalrously toward President Xi Jinping’s wife.

At an APEC event to watch the fireworks in Beijing on Monday night, Russian President Vladimir Putin offered Xi’s wife, Peng Liyuan, his coat on a chilly night – a common occurrence in Russia where people presumably freeze to death all the time. A smiling Ms Peng accepted the offer, but removed the shawl only seconds later, replacing it with her own black jacket. A little overly chivalrous maybe, but Putin was hardly putin the moves on her. I mean, it’s not like he tried giving her a shoulder rub… Bush.

Nevertheless, the moment quickly went viral on Weibo and other Chinese social media. Chinese citizens began to make a series of off-color, critical jokes about the First Lady and the world’s manliest, shirtless bear-riding leader after watching footage of the gesture on state broadcaster CCTV.

“Our first lady is a charming one indeed,” said one poster by the handle Li Shigong.

“The foreign hostile forces just cannot stand it, and must have its hands on it,” joked another.

“Like Putin. He is truly a man. He is the heart throb for many women. Cool!” one Weibo user swooned.

“All Obama and Xi can do is watch.”

Cue China’s notoriously paranoid censors. The country’s authorities quickly pulled the Putin-Peng video from Sina Weibo and the Web site of Phoenix TV overnight, along some of the more racy comments.

“China is traditionally conservative on public interaction between unrelated men and women, and the public show of consideration by Putin may provide fodder for jokes, which the big boss probably does not like,” said Beijing-based commentator Zhang Lifan. 

China and Russia have been eager to showcase their increasingly close economic ties, but I don’t think this is the kind of closeness Xi Jinping had in mind…

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Chinese Officials Probe Pigeon Anuses for “Suspicious Materials”

Pigeon Anuses Probed

Pigeon Anuses Probed

With pro-democracy protests raging in Hong Kong, Chinese authorities aren’t taking any chances when it comes to security for its National Day holiday on Wednesday. Unfortunately, for 10,000 pigeons, this means their anuses must be probed.

The 10,000 pigeons, who were released today in celebration of National Day, were first forced to go through an anal security check for suspicious objects.

“Their wings, tail-feathers, even their anuses must be carefully checked,” an unnamed state security officer told the Legal Evening News.

The great pigeon inspection took place at the Yuetan city sports centre in western Beijing on Tuesday evening. The reports did not clarify what “suspicious objects” the inspectors were looking for, but obviously pigeons are known for hiding bombs in their beaks and guns up their bums.

The violated birds were then packed onto a truck and sent to Tiananmen Square in Beijing where authorities inspected them a second time. Once every bird anus had been inspected twice over, the “symbols of peace” were released at sunrise in a ceremony  to celebrate the 65th anniversary of the founding of the People’s Republic of China.

So far, no bird-related terrorist attacks have been reported. Success!

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China Creates Cellphone Lane for “Zombie Pedestrians”

Cellphone lane

While cities like Toronto are struggling to get a few bike lanes, city authorities in Chongqing, China, have introduced a cellphone lane for pedestrians who use their phones while walking.

Local officials in the city of Chongqing were sick and tired of pedestrians distracted by their phones and constantly bumping into someone or something. Since moving as far away from China as possible wasn’t a viable option, the city divided a sidewalk on one of its busiest streets into two lanes – one for cellphone users and the other for the cellphone-less.

There are white lines painted on the pavement, which clearly distinguish the lanes for cellphone users and those wanting to walk at a quicker/normal pace. How pedestrians so distracted by their phones that they are constantly bumping into things will be able to stay within the white lines or even notice the existence of the lane in the first place is still undetermined.

The 100-foot stretch of sidewalk, located in a popular tourist spot in the southwest Chinese city, is also accompanied by warning signs to remind pedestrians that “it is best not to play with your phone while walking”.

“There are lots of elderly people and children in our street, and walking with your cellphone may cause unnecessary collisions here,” said Nong Cheng, a marketing official with Meixin Group, which manages the area in the city’s entertainment zone.

It seems that plan may have backfired though. The cellphone friendly sidewalk has now become something of a tourist attraction in Chongqing, with tourists stopping to take hundreds of photos of the new idea – on their cellphones of course.

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North Korea Not Pleased with Kim Jong Un Parody Dance

Kim Jong Angry Parody Dance

In between eating expired meat and worrying about catching the bubonic plague, the Chinese have come up with a parody video featuring a fake Kim Jong Un dancing and fighting his way through a series of absurd situations.

The parody video shows Kim Jong Un being kicked to the ground by President Obama after pirouetting through a ballet studio, dancing with Russian President Vladimir Putin, doing “the Carleton”, and acting as a dance-loving member of the grounds crew at a baseball game.

The video, which first appeared on the Chinese video-sharing site Tencent, quickly became popular in China – but not so much in North Korea.

According to the Chosun Ilbo, a South Korean newspaper, officials in Pyongyang are reportedly furious about the 3 and a half minute video because it “seriously compromises Kim’s dignity and authority.” I think his haircut alone is enough to compromise his dignity, but whatever.

The newspaper goes on to say that after North Korea asked China to stop the video from spreading, “Beijng was unable to oblige.” Unable or unwilling?

If mocking a dancing Kim Jong Un is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

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China: Meat Scares and the Bubonic Plague

China Meat Scare

Looks like smog isn’t the only health-hazard the Chinese have to watch out for…

A Shanghai meat supplier is being investigated for selling expired beef and chicken to fast-food joints – and to make matters even worse, the bubonic plague is back.

Chinese branches of McDonald’s, KFC, Pizza Hut, Burger King, and even Starbucks (noooo!) have stopped using meat from a supplier in Shanghai following allegations it sold them out of date meat. A Chinese broadcaster has accused meat supplier Husi Food Co. of repackaging expired beef and chicken with new dates.

The Shanghai Municipal Food and Drug Administration said it had “decided to investigate claims of the alleged use of expired raw food material production and the processing of it in food”.

China’s investigation of Husi Food Co. prompted the FDA to seal off the company’s factories for further inspection.

But expired re-processed meat is the least of concerns for the 30,000 residents of Yumen, China who are not allowed to leave the city after a man died of the bubonic plague last week. A 38-year-old contracted the diseased after coming in contact with a dead marmot and feeding it to his dog. He developed a fever and died shortly after and now a huge chunk of the city has been sealed off from the rest of the country. Plus, 151 people have been quarantined after coming into direct contact with the man who contracted the disease.

The plague, which killed tens of millions of people throughout Europe during the 14th century, affects about 1,000 to 3,000 people every year, but bubonic plague outbreaks are rare in China. Unless of course you find a dead marmot and decide to chop it up and feed it to your dog…

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China: Less democracy and less Ramadan! And Other News…

China Ramadan

Not long after police arrested hundreds of protesters in Hong Kong for demanding more democracy, Beijing decided to crack down on Ramadan too.

Schools, government agencies, and local party organizations in the heavily Muslim northwest of China have been ordered not to take part in the fasting during the Islamic holy month of Ramadan. According to Chinese officials, the ban was aimed at “protecting students’ wellbeing” and preventing use of schools and government offices to promote religion. Unofficially, the Ramadan ban may have something to do with the tight security in Xianjiang following attacks that the government blames on violent Uighur Muslims with foreign terrorist ties. And to make sure everyone complies with the Ramadan fasting ban, government officials have apparently thrown parties and served food to test and see if Muslim residents are fasting. ABC News

JOhn SchindlerNSA Defender: Sorry about the dick pic… John Schindler, a conservative pundit who once worked as an NSA officer, was busted last week for being a serial sexter. The married Navy War College professor (and prominent defender of the National Security Agency) sent some sexy messages accompanied by dick pics to a Twitter follower. Once word got out, Schindler and his wife abruptly shut down their social media accounts and Schindler posted an apology on his blog. “My actions showed poor judgment and were inexcusable. The only person to blame is me, and I take full responsibility,” he writes. “Unfortunately, I must also emphasize an important point. At no time did I break the law, nor am I being accused of doing so.” Now, since this is a private matter and not the general public’s business, I won’t link to the dick pic – BUT since Mr. NSA doesn’t believe in privacy, here it is. Huffington Post

Nazi Baby JewishTurns out Germany’s ideal Aryan baby was naz so ideal after all. The winner of a contest in Nazi Germany to find the most beautiful Aryan baby has been revealed to be Jewish. The image was allegedly selected by Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels himself, and appeared on the cover of the Nazi family magazine Sonne ins Hause. In 1935 popular photographer Hans Ballin, submitted the photo knowing full well the baby was Jewish. “I wanted to make the Nazis ridiculous,” Ballin told the contest winner’s family when they confronted him. Mission accomplished? Fox News

Town For SaleFor sale: Swett, North Dakota. If you’ve got $400,000 lying around and love trailer parks, listen up: Lance Benson, the sole owner of Swett, an unincorporated hamlet in Bennett County about two hours southeast of Rapid City, is putting the whole town up for sale. For the low, low price of $400k you can own the local Swett bar, a workshop, three trailers, a single house, and 6.16 acres of prime prairie real estate. With a population of two, Swett, North Dakota boasts a few lovely ramshackle buildings along U.S. Highway 18. But its prize possession is the Swett Tavern, a well known gathering place for a small army of local cowboys and wheatgrowers. So far no one is biting, but it’s safe to say the first order of business for the new owners will be a name change. Rapid City Journal

Crack FordRob Ford is out of rehab but his mouth is still getting him into trouble. The disgraced Toronto mayor has now told Canadian media he was “born an alcoholic” and had used “every drug you can probably think of”. In a television interview three days after he returned from rehab, Ford admitted he used “the full gamut” when it came to drugs. He later backtracked a bit (most likely after speaking with his publicist) and specifically denied using heroin. But he did confirm using marijuana and hallucinogenic mushrooms in addition to crack. Ford also (finally) admitted that the photo of him with a glass pipe that circulated in April was indeed a picture of his smoking crack. Ford said his “disease” would not prevent him from running for re-election in October – relapse or no replapse. “I can only take it one day at a time,” said Ford. “I know I didn’t drink yesterday, and I haven’t drank today.” And that’s as far back as his memory goes. CBC News

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The FBI’s Stoner Ban is Slowing Down the Fight Against Chinese Hackers

Stoner Hackers Chinese Hacking

The U.S. Justice Department filed criminal charges Monday against five Chinese military officials for hacking American companies in nuclear power, metals, and solar products industries – the first cyber-espionage case of its kind. 

The Chinese hackers allegedly used military and intelligence facilities to commit cyber espionage against U.S. companies, stealing trade secrets and internal documents. Attorney General Eric Holder said the alleged breaches were “significant” and demanded “an aggressive response”.

“Enough is enough,” Holder said. “It is our hope that the Chinese government will respect our criminal justice system.”

China is known around town as one of the worst perpetrators of using cyber spying to gather information and steal trade secrets. And the U.S. is sick and tired of it.

The only problem is, America needs its own hackers to fight off the Chinese hackers. And apparently all our hackers are stoners…

On Monday – the same day the US charged Chinese officials with cyber espionage – FBI director James Comey told an audience at the White Collar Crime Institute about the agency’s stoner problem.

Here’s the dilemma: the FBI needs to hire qualified hackers to add to its cyber crime division, but it also will not hire anyone who’s smoked weed in the past three years. Turns out smoking weed goes hand in hand with the ability to stare at code for hours on end without going completely insane and now there’s a shortage of FBI-eligible hackers.

“I have to hire a great work force to compete with those cyber criminals, and some of those kids want to smoke weed on the way to the interview,” Comey said.

Comey added that the agency is “grappling with the question right now.”

After Comey’s remarks got out, the FBI director was forced to backpeddle a little bit.

“I am absolutely dead-set against using marijuana,” Comey clarified. “I did not say that I am going to change that ban.”

Although he did admit that the FBI is thinking about changing it…

If the non-stoner hacker pool is that small and the FBI is dead-set against the Chinese stealing US secrets, Comey might want to first put his energy behind the push for marijuana legalization and then focus on the cyber-sabotage. Might be faster.

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China Cracks Down on Sin City Hookers

Hookers Crackdown China

The Chinese government is cracking down on everything the Chinese love: hookers, gambling and drug use. OK, not everything the Chinese love – pirated DVDs and spitting on the street are still fair game.

Struggling to get a hold on its HIV problem, China’s Ministry of Public Security ordered a nationwide crackdown on the sex trade – in addition to other vices.

The first step in the nationwide sweep began on Feb. 10 in the southern city of Dongguan, known as China’s “sin city”. Dongguan, a manufacturing hub overflowing with migrant workers, has long tolerated prostitution as a way of life. Until now. 6,000 officers were dispatched to China’s sex capital last week to carry out a series of raids on hotels, karaoke bars, nightclubs, saunas and massage parlours – the usual places hookers gather.

The hooker crackdown, referred to as the “sweep yellow” campaign, spread to 16 Chinese cities over the last week, resulting in 1,000 detained suspects and a potential dip in the Chinese economy, where prostitution accounts for six to eight percent of the GDP. Since the “yellow sweep” began police units across China have investigated almost 1,500 prostitution related cases, uncovered 73 criminal gangs, arrested more than 500 people and shut down more than 2,400 sites where sex was on sale.

The recent crackdown on hookers is part of Communist Party leader Xi Jinping’s larger anti-corruption goals. Xi is determined to eliminate the sex industry and push his conservative and purity-based values on the rest of the country – one hooker at a time.

The only problem? It’s often the well-connected residents, government officials, and bribe hungry police officers who most enjoy the benefits of China’s “sin city”. So… not sure how that will work out, but my best guess is not well.

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Baby Stealing Doctor

Current Event Cat - Baby Stealing Doctor

A Chinese doctor has been sentenced to death for stealing newborn babies and selling them to child traffickers.

Zhang Shuxia ,the baby-stealing obstetrician, was found guilty of abducting and selling seven babies in Fuping County, in the Shaanxi province of China.

“Though Zhang Shuxia confessed, her behaviour violated both professional and social ethics, had an extremely bad social impact, and the circumstance of the crimes were grave,” the court said.

But how did Zhang Shuxia go about stealing babies? They’re kind of a hard thing to misplace…Well, here’s her scheme:  Zhang would trick the parents into giving up their newborns by convincing them the infants had incurable diseases or deformities. Zhang would then go on the sell the babies to traffickers for as much as $3,600 per baby. Sneaky…

Zhang sold seven babies to child traffickers between November 2011 and July 2013, including a pair of twins, before one set of parents became suspicious and reported the case to police.

After the police picked up on Zhang’s baby-stealing, money-making scheme, six of the babies were returned to their parents. The other one – not so lucky. Apparently the trafficker presumed the seventh baby was dead on arrival and threw the sick child into a garbage ditch, never to be found again.

Meanwhile, Zhang Shuxia will also be presumed dead – but not until two years time. Zhang was granted a two-year reprieve from her death sentence, although suspended death sentences are typically reduced to life in prison.

Via: CBC News

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Walmart Sells Donkey Meat Tainted With Fox Meat in China

Walmart Fox Meat

What does the fox say? Probably something along the lines of “stop eating me, Chinese discount shoppers.”

Walmart is recalling donkey meat from some of its stores in China after the Shandong Food and Drug Administration said their famous “Five Spice” donkey meat contained fox meat. Yes, cats, dogs and donkeys are fair game in China – but fox meat crosses the line.

Donkey meat is not a Chinese staple meat dish, but is commonly eaten as a snack. In fact, the donkey snack is so popular that in 2011 China slaughtered 2.4 million donkeys for food.

And who would have thought that Walmart wouldn’t sell the highest quality of donkey meat? Probably everyone who lives in China and has read about all the recent food scares. Tainted milk scandals and recycled “gutter oil” stories have pretty much undermined Chinese consumer’s confidence in the food supply chain – and Walmart is no exception. This isn’t the first time Chinese Walmarts have been investigated for selling questionable meat. In 2011, Walmart was fined for selling duck meat past its expiry date in China.

But Walmart, worried that the latest fox meat scandal could dent it’s reputation for quality in China’s $1 trillion food and grocery market, is taking action to reassure shoppers, including a setting-up a team to investigate the incident and strengthening its food safety rules.

“We are deeply sorry for this whole affair,” said Wal-Mart’s China president and CEO Greg Foran, “It is a deep lesson (for us) that we need to continue to increase investment in supplier management.”

That was deep.

Via: NBC News

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