Tag Archives: Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Man Pays $100,000 To Look Like Justin Bieber… And Other News

Bieber SHeldon

There are Beliebers, and then there’s this guy. Toby Sheldon, a 33-year-old songwriter from Los Angeles, paid nearly $100,000 to transform himself into Justin Bieber.

Sheldon’s obsession with looking like the 19-year-old pop star began in 2008 when Justin Bieber shot to stardom. Sheldon became infected with Bieber Fever and all he could think was “I want to look like him!” And so the extensive plastic surgery began… The five year long journey to look like the Biebs included three hair transplants, face and lips fillers, Botox and Aquamid injections, eye surgery to lift his upper eyelids, liposuction on his chin, and a three-part smile surgery. Was it worth it? Judging from the before and after pictures, no, it was not. Most would agree it was money well wasted, but not Sheldon – he loves it! Even though Sheldon is happy with his new pre-pubescent look, he hasn’t perfect it. Next on the list: a nose job and jaw reduction. Daily Mail

GagaDamn it! Bradley/Chelsea Manning is at it again… Oh wait, no this is another secretly flamboyant military leaker. Michael Vannak Khem Misiewicz, a high-profile U.S. Navy commanding officer, has been charged with trading classified information for Lady Gaga concert tickets. Misiewicz, 46, gave sensitive and classified information and arranged for ships to visit certain ports where the CEO of Glenn Defense Marine Asia Ltd had contracts. In return, the CEO gave Misiewicz five tickets to a Lady Gaga concert in Thailand in 2012, along with some other stuff including prostitutes. Although to be fair, hookers only cost about 50 cents in Thailand so it wasn’t much of a bribe. Washington Times

Russian orphans in IrkutskEither Russia just realized that gay marriage has been legal in Canada for over eight years or they’re just being dicks. Actually either way they’re being dicks. Russia has decided to take a hardline against Canada’s gay ways by suspending Canada-Russia adoptions – straight or gay. But it’s not just Canada that’s bearing the brunt of the recent anti-gay Russian policies. Russia is closing adoptions to all countries that allow same-sex marriages. I’m sure those kids will be much better off growing up in a Russian orphanage than being raised in a tolerant society with a loving family. CBC News

dzhokhar-tsarnaevIt wasn’t me! Experts say that Boston Marathon Bomber #2, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, and his lawyers may try to avoid the death penalty by arguing he fell under the murderous influence of his older brother. Just how murderous was his influence? Well, prosecutors now say that Boston Marathon Bomber #1, Tamerlan Tsarnaev, may have been involved in a 2011 triple homicide. A friend of the brothers told investigators that Tamerlan participated in the unsolved killings of three men – one of whom was Tamerlan’s friend.  The bodies were found in an apartment with their throats slit and some marijuana sprinkled over their corpses. Was that his idea of making it look like a drug overdose? Associated Press

Blast DoorWell, this is reassuring. Four Air Force officers, entrusted with keeping the doors closed to prevent intruders entering a top secret area, left the blast doors open while they slept. This is the second time this year officers have accidentally left open the blast door to their underground command post that holds nuclear-tipped missiles. The cause of both missteps? Naps. Instead of being sent home to rest, the officers were punished. What kind of punishment? A non-judicial punishment! So… a spanking? Associated Press

facebook-beheadingsOops, our bad! Facebook continues to flip flop over whether or not users of the social network site can post graphic beheading clips. First it was totally fine, then they imposed a ban, then they lifted the ban, and then two days after the ban was revealed they pulled a u-turn and now the ban is back!  The controversial video clip of a woman being beheaded has been removed from Facebook and the company has issued more new rules about what can be shared on its site. Jesus Facebook, pick a policy and stick with it! The site will still allow some graphic content, but Warning: it will come with a warning. BBC News

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Rolling Stone Cover Blurs the Line Between Rock Star and Terrorist… And Other News

Rolling Stone Cover

Rolling Stone Cover: Rock and Roll star or bomb-happy terrorist?

Rolling Stone has released a photo of their August edition with Boston bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev on the cover. Why you ask? Ratings? Bad judgement? Who knows! The cover story reports “how a popular, promising student was failed by his family, fell into radical Islam, and became a monster.” The people of the internet were not pleased. Thousands posted on social media networks calling the cover, which makes Tsarnaev look like a rock star, “tasteless” and “disgusting”. Boston Mayor Tom Menino was equally appalled, saying it “rewards a terrorist with celebrity treatment.” The Rolling Stone cover, Menino added, “is ill-conceived, at best, and reaffirms a terrible message that destruction gains fame for killers and their ‘causes.’” BBC News

Liz CheneyIf there’s one thing America needs, it’s another Cheney in office. And America is in luck! Dick Cheney’s daughter Liz (the non-lesbian one) announced on Tuesday she will run for Senate in Wyoming. The conservative activist and Fox News contributor (she sounds great!) will take on Wyoming’s current three-term Republican Senator Mike Enzi, who also announced his candidacy on Tuesday, in the Republican primary next summer. Cheney, who began prepping for her candidacy last year, already has the back-stabbing part of politics down pat. “I thought we were friends,” Enzi said when he heard the news. “She said that if I ran, she wasn’t going to run.” Rand Paul, who has a long history of Cheney hatred, was also displeased at the news, mocking Liz Cheney’s decision to run in Wyoming, a state she has no real claim to. It’s a shame they don’t get along – they have so much in common: nepotism, terrible policies, and…. well mainly just nepotism. Washington Post

Emma RobertsActress Emma Roberts, a niece of Julia Roberts, was arrested for domestic violence in Montreal earlier this month, TMZ reported. Emma Roberts? Domestic violence? What’s next – Taylor Swift for grand theft auto? Anyways, according to the police, Roberts and her boyfriend got in a pretty heated argument which left him his a bloody nose and bite marks on his body. The commotion prompted a neighbor to call the police and they proceeded to arrest Roberts based on her boyfriends injuries. Note to self: Never anger Emma Roberts. She will bite you. TMZ

Syrians flee from the Rasulayn region across the border into the Turkish town of Ceylanpinar.The Syrian refugee crisis is the worst. Worse than the Rwandan genocide of 1994? Well, no, not that bad. But definitely the worst since then! At least according to the United Nations. Speaking to the UN Security Council, UN refugee chief Antonio Guterres, said that the conflict in Syria has caused the world’s worst refugee crisis in 20 years and that refugee numbers had not risen “at such a frightening rate” since the 1994 genocide in Rwanda. The high rate of killings in Syria – at nearly 5,000 a month – is causing people to flee like they’ve never fled before. Al Jazeera

Promotional photo of tubes of Wet kosher lubricantAccording to the Guardian, kosher lube is the new “it” thing for Orthodox Jews and the product is putting oral sex back on the menu for them.  Horny Rabbis have certified a range of lubricants as kosher, giving them the religious stamp of approval – in eight sexy flavours. The kosher certification is only relevant to Jews who swallow a product – so moisturizer or lip balm don’t matter because Jews don’t injest the products. But now Jews are free to lube up during oral sex. Wait… why do Jews need lube for oral sex?? They must be doing it wrong. Or am I doing it wrong….? The Guardian

Programming Note: Reagan is taking off early for the weekend and will be back July 22nd for some fuuuuun times! See you then cats!

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Dzhokhar Tsarnaev Pleads Not Guilty… And Other News

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev

Today was the first pubic appearance for Dzhokhar Tsarnaev since the April 19 shootout with police that killed his older brother Tamerlan and ended with him hiding out in a boat.

Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the younger of the Boston bombing brothers appeared in federal court Wednesday and pleaded “not guilty” to 30 charges, including using a weapon of mass destruction – which could carry the death penalty. Really? Not guilty? Perhaps his alibi was that he was out boating all day… The trial is expected to take three or four months. Perhaps longer, depending on how the boating defence pans out. BBC News

George W. Bush Speaks At Naturalization Ceremony At Bush Presidential CenterFormer President George W. Bush took a quick break from painting naked selfies to speak out on immigration reform. During a speech to newly-naturalized citizens, Bush criticized U.S. immigration policy and urged lawmakers to find a “positive resolution”. “I hope during the debate we keep a benevolent spirit in mind and we understand the contributions immigrants make to our country,” said Bush during the naturalization ceremony in Dallas. Thankfully, he didn’t pull a Jeb Bush and make an awkward comment about their fertility. ABC News

China RainRain rain go away. First Toronto, now China! Rainstorms have flooded China’s Sichuan province, killing dozens in the process. The rain is thought to be the worst in five decades and is causing massive flooding, setting off landslides, and washing away bridges. So far the heavy rains have killed more than 50 people across China and disrupted two million lives. Ok, this may be slightly worse than the situation in Toronto… New York Times 

Pilot ErrorAll signs point to… PILOT ERROR! The pilots aboard the Asiana Airlines Boeing 777 that crashed in San Francisco were totally cruise controlling when the plane crashed. The pilots turned on the old auto-throttle system, spaced out, and failed to realize the plane was flying too slowly until it was just 200 feet above the ground. And by that time it was a little too late.  Another sketchy detail: the South Korean airline’s flight crew members were not tested for drugs or alcohol after the crash. The flight killed two Chinese teenagers and injured more than 180 other people, including two flight attendants who were ejected from the plane and found injured on the runway. Chicago Tribune

Heinz Doing BetterAn emotional Secretary of State John Kerry announced his wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, is doing better after being hospitalized for seizure like symptoms on Sunday. “Teresa is doing better, under evaluation and we hope improving,” Kerry said during the opening Wednesday of a U.S.-China economic summit in Washington. It must have been Glenn Beck’s loving words of support that helped her heal so quickly. USA Today

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