Tag Archives: Edward Snowden

Do the Snowden Documents Prove a US-Hitler-Aliens Link? No.

Aliens Hitler US

Iran’s semi-official news outlet, Fars News Agency, has taken conspiracy theories to the next level by proclaiming that the NSA documents revealed by Edward Snowden prove aliens have been secretly controlling U.S. domestic and also helped out Hitler.

Keeping in mind that Fars News is the same agency that picked up a story from the Onion back in September claiming an overwhelming majority of rural white Americans would rather vote for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than U.S. President Barack Obama in the upcoming U.S. elections (actually that might be true…), to say that this story should be taken with a grain of salt is an understatement. This story should be taken with a 10 gallon bucket of salt.

Anyways, the latest news from Fars is that the United States government has been secretly run by a shadow government made up of space aliens called “Tall Whites”. The aliens, who have been controlling U.S domestic policy since 1945, are based out of Nevada and had previously run Nazi Germany. After the aliens grew tired of building hundreds of Nazi submarines with their superior technology (which somehow wasn’t enough to win the war), they set their sights on the United States. Now President Obama is just a tool of the aliens, whose ultimate mission is to install a global surveillance system that will, somehow, allow them to finally impose a one-world government and enslave humanity.

And the proof for this alien conspiracy is in the pudding. And by pudding, I mean the nearly 2 million “top-secret documents” revealed by Snowden to Russia’s Federal Security Services. Apparently these documents “confirmed” that the alien race was behind American efforts to create a global electronic surveillance system.

Need more proof than top secret documents that never actually made it to Russia? According to Fars News, former Canadian defense minister Paul Hellyer allegedly signed off on the story. Considering Hellyer is 90 and has previously argued that aliens have visited Earth many times, I suppose he could have, through his old-age fog, glanced at the Snowden documents and somehow confirmed Fars News’ suspicion that U.S aliens are on a path to world domination… I mean politicians have uttered weirder things, right?

Only one this is for sure with this story – we need Mulder and Scully on the case. The truth is out there! But you won’t find it at Fox Fars News.

Via: Washington Post & Fars News

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Likely Unconstitutional

Current Event Cat - Likely Unconstitutional

A federal judge ruled the National Security Agency’s mass collection of telephone data “likely unconstitutional.”

Stopping just short of unconstitutional, Judge Richard Leon said that the program clashes with the Fourth Amendment’s prohibition on unreasonable search and seizure and the electronic spy agency’s practice was an “arbitrary invasion”. The George W. Bush appointed judge went on to say the NSA’s collection of “metadata”, including telephone numbers and times and dates of calls, was “almost Orwellian”. Almost Orwellian? Likely Unconstitutional? Is Judge Leon just being cautious or is he afraid the NSA will secretly implant child porn on his computer if he pushes this any further?

Meanwhile, the man behind the whole NSA scandal has applauded the court’s ruling.

“Today, a secret program authorized by a secret court was, when exposed to the light of day, found to violate Americans’ rights,” wrote Edward Snowden. “It is the first of many.”

Snowden is still in Russia, searching for a place to call home (that’s not Russia). On Monday, the White House rejected an amnesty for Snowden and continued to push Russia to send the notorious leaker back to the States. But Snowden has a new plan: a Brazilian exchange. In an “open letter to the people of Brazil,” Snowden offered to help its government investigate U.S. spying in exchange for political asylum.

In his letter, Snowden writes, “Today, if you carry a cell phone in Sao Paolo, the NSA can and does keep track of your location: they do this 5 billion times a day to people around the world. When someone in Florianopolis visits a website, the NSA keeps a record of when it happened and what you did there. If a mother in Porto Alegre calls her son to wish him luck on his university exam, NSA can keep that call log for five years or more. They even keep track of who is having an affair or looking at pornography, in case they need to damage their target’s reputation.”

So I guess his plan is to terrify Brazilians into taking him in?

Via: BBC News & CNN

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Death by Masturbation… And Other News

Death by Masturbation

Did Ariel Castro die during masturbation? Possibly.

New details have emerged about the death of the Cleveland kidnapper who was found hanging in his prison cell while awaiting trial. Officials say Castro’s hanging body was discovered sans pants. Since his underwear was around his ankles and he didn’t leave a suicide note officials are considering death by autoerotic asphyxiation, a way of intensifying orgasm during masturbation by depriving the body of oxygen. An open Bible was also found nearby. Masturbation and a Bible? What a way to go! NBC News

Snowden-father-Lou1There’s nothing like a father-son reunion in Russia. Lou Snowden, the father of exiled American leaker extraordinaire Edward Snowden, arrived in Russia to see his long lost son. Lou Snowden hasn’t seen his son since before he leaked the NSA documents and Edward Snowden hasn’t been seen by anyone (in public) since he was granted asylum in August. “I am not sure my son will be returning to the U.S. again,” his father said, but was happy that Edward “is safe and secure and he’s free.” Despite having to live in hiding in Russia until the end of time, the younger Snowden says he has no regrets about leaking the highly classified information and is adjusting to life in Russia. I guess after living in an airport terminal for a few months, anywhere would seem luxurious – even Russia. National Post

kwame-kilpatrickIf your nickname is the “hip hop mayor of Detroit” you know that at some point you’re going to spend some time in jail. Former mayor of Detroit Kwame Kilpatrick definitely lived up to his moniker after he was sentenced to 28 years in prison, seven months after being convicted on public corruption charges. Kilpatrick ran a secret money-making racket out of city hall, raking in millions for himself and his entourage while the rest of Detroit… well, they went bankrupt. Kilpatrick used his mayoral powers to give business to his friends and used city funding to fund his own lifestyle. He even used funds allotted for needy residents to pay for his own yoga. Hip hop mayors do yoga? Well, not anymore – unless they have some type of prison class. Detroit Free Press

BoehnerGovernment Shutdown Update #4232: A little bit of progress. Maybe. Hopes rose when House Speaker John Boehner offered a short-term debt limit increase to stave off default. The GOP said they would pass a “clean” bill (i.e. no conservative add-ons) that gave a six-week extension for the whole debt-ceiling issue in exchange for negotiations with the White House to end the government shutdown. A short-term solution is better than no solution, right? Wrong! Well, maybe right – they’re still talking through some things. But as of now President Obama and House Republicans have failed to reach an agreement on the six-week extension during their meeting on Thursday. Both parties did agree on two things though: it was a good meeting and they will continue talks. Progress/procrastination! New York Times

Kenya-policeKenyan police must be super busy with the shopping mall attack investigation because they don’t seem to be doing much else. Citizens are outraged after three men accused of gang-raping a 16-year-old and dumping her in an outhouse were only sentenced to 5 years in prison. Just kidding – they won’t serve any jail time. Instead their punishment was cutting grass around the police camp – for a couple of hours. The victim was attacked after returning home from her grandfather’s funeral (!) and broke her back during the struggle. She now uses a wheelchair – otherwise they’d probably make her cut grass with the gang bangers. BBC News

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The Kremlin Switches to Typewriters in a Fool-Proof Plan to Avoid Security Leaks

Kremlin Typewriter

In response to all the NSA spying / Wikileaks hoopla, the Kremlin has decided to go back in time to a period where hackers didn’t exist: the age of the typewriter.

The Federal Guard Service (FSO), which is in charge of safeguarding Kremlin communications as well as protecting President Vladimir Putin, is in the market to buy a number of electric typewriters. The old-timey approach is in direct response to recent worldwide spying revelations. Russians are beginning to think that using computers to prepare top-secret documents may no longer be safe.

“After scandals with the distribution of secret documents by WikiLeaks, the exposes by Edward Snowden, reports about Dmitry Medvedev being listened in on during his visit to the G20 summit in London, it has been decided to expand the practice of creating paper documents,” an unnamed source from the Federal Guard Service said.

Now none of Russia’s secrets will ever get out! Except for those that come from unnamed sources at the FSO…

But why stop there? Why not throw out all the Kremlin telephones and opt for Kremlin carrier pigeons? I’d like to see a leaker hack into a pigeon. Actually, I would not – there would be a lot of blood and feathers…

Meanwhile NSA leak Edward Snowden is in week three of being stuck in legal limbo at the transit zone of a Moscow airport. And now that the Russians are switching to typewriters, it might take until year three for any official communication to come his way. I hope he likes airport food…

Via: The Telegraph

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Bolivian President’s Jet

Current EVent Cat - Bolivian President Jet

Bolivian President Evo Morales’s jet was diverted overnight and searched on suspicion of harbouring fugitive US intelligence leaker Edward Snowden. Spoiler alert: He wasn’t onboard.

In what became an international goose chase, Bolivian President Evo Morales was forced to make an unscheduled stop in Austria after a rumour started that Snowden was on board. The Bolivian President’s jet took off from Moscow and was scheduled to land in Spain to refuel before heading back to Bolivia. But the jet had to be rerouted to Vienna after France, Portugal, and Spain all denied his plane access to their airspace. The plane was then searched with Morales’s permission and spent 13 hours overnight on the tarmac at the Vienna airport.

That’s what Evo Morales gets for making an offhand suggestion in Moscow that you might be willing to take in a US fugitive who currently resides in the Moscow airport!

Needless to say, Evo Morales and his Bolivian buddies were not happy campers.

“We don’t know who invented this big lie,” Bolivia’s foreign minister said of the Snowden rumors. “We want to express our displeasure, because this has put the president’s life at risk.

Evo Morales said presidents should have the right to travel anywhere in the world and likened the incident to “a kidnapping of 13 hours”. What a baby!

Meanwhile, France, Spain and Portugal are calling bullshit, insisting their airspace was open to the jet. But Bolivia’s UN envoy Sacha Llorenti won’t let it go, saying the plane was denied permission to fly through the countries’ airspace at the bidding of the U.S. 

“We have no doubt that it was an order from the White House… For no reason whatsoever should a diplomatic plane with a president [inside] be diverted from its route and forced to land in another country,” Llorenti said.

There’s only one thing Bolivia can do to the U.S that will enrage them as much as the plane fiasco enraged Evo Morales: go back to Russia, pick up Snowden, and this time pack enough fuel to make it all the way to Bolivia.

Via: The New York Times & Current Event Cats 

The Search for Edward Snowden Continues… And Other News

Where is Edward Snowden

Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego Edward Snowden?

Nobody knows Edward Snowden’s current whereabouts for sure but word on the street is that he left Hong Kong on Sunday for Moscow and was then rumored to have boarded a flight to Havana, Cuba. The mystery deepened when then his seat was vacant on the Havana flight, raising the possibility that the Russian government had detained him. Obama is urging Putin to boot him out of Russia on a one-way flight back to the United States. But Putin’s never been one to follow orders so who knows where Snowden will go. His final/ideal destination is thought to be Ecuador, where he is reportedly seeking asylum.

For those who have been living under a rock in a wi-fi free zone, Edward Snowden has been charged with illegally disclosing classified documents about American surveillance programs. Since leaking the NSA documents, he has fled to countries that better value government transparency and freedom of speech: China, Russia, Cuba… wait a minute…  New York Times

Texas Abortion RallyThose sneaky Texans… Texas Republicans pushed through some anti-abortion legislation in the wee hours of the night. The abortion bill bans all procedures after 20 weeks and tightens restrictions on Texas clinics to the point where nearly all of them would be forced to close. The bill tentatively passed 97–33 at 3:20 a.m. after nearly 15 hours of debate. The final vote passed early Monday morning. The bill still has to head to the Senate where the Democrats are waiting to filibuster the crap out of it. If it can make it through the Senate, Governor Rick Perry said he will sign it into law, guaranteeing that all but five of the state’s abortion clinics will be forced to shut down in 2014. Raw Story

Coy MathisCoy Mathis, a transgender first grader from Colorado, has won a civil-rights case against her school district to use the girls’ bathroom, despite being born a boy. “Schools should not discriminate against their students, and we are thrilled that Coy can return to school and put this behind her,” Kathryn Mathis, Coy’s mother, said in a statement. “All we ever wanted was for Coy’s school to treat her the same as other little girls. We are extremely happy that she now will be treated equally.” Denver Post

Ruby the heart stealerFormer Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has been sentenced to seven years in jail and banned from public office for having sex with an underage prostitute. Berlusconi is known for many sex scandals (as well as tax scandals, corruption scandals – basically all types of scandals) but in this particular ruling Berlusconi was convicted of abusing his power and engaging in sex-for-hire with a 17-year-old Morocco girl known as “Ruby the Heart Stealer”. The ruling will not be implemented, however, until Berlusconi has had the opportunity to appeal. Both Berlusconi and “Ruby” deny the charges – both are under the impression that what happens at the bunga-bunga parties stays at the bunga-bunga parties. BBC News

Affirm ActionSometimes the Supreme Court just doesn’t want to deal with things. That’s what happened on Monday when the Supreme Court deferred ruling on the merits of affirmative action, choosing instead to send the case back down to a lower court for further review. The suit, Fisher v. the University of Texas at Austin, argued that affirmative action policies of the University of Texas violated the equal protection rights of some white applicants. Abigail Noel sued the state university after her college application was rejected in 2008. She blamed her rejection on her race – arguing that less qualified minority candidates were accepted due to the schools policies. CNN

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Russia is Anti-Gay but Pro-Whistleblower… And Other News

Gay Russia

Russia hates gays but loves whistleblowers? Russia’s lower house of parliament, the Duma, has just passed a law banning “gay propaganda.”

The law, which passed unanimously, imposes heavy fines for providing information about homosexuality to people under 18. Minutes after passing the anti-gay legislation, the Duma also approved a new law allowing jail sentences of up to three years for “offending religious feelings”, an initiative obviously aimed at preventing more Pussy Riot situations. And while Russia is condemning free speech among its own citizens, they are considering sheltering Edward Snowden, the American NSA leak. After a spokesman for Vladimir Putin said that they would consider an asylum request from Edward Snowden, Russian politicians are praising the idea. “In this case, Snowden, like Assange, is a human-rights activist,” said Alexey Pushkov, head of the Duma’s international affairs committee. How this makes any sense, no one will ever know. BBC News

MemoSex, drugs, and US state department officials. An internal memo from the State Department’s Office of the Inspector General details some not so appropriate staff behaviour during Hillary Clinton’s tenure as secretary of State. Scandalous behaviour included: a drug ring near the American Embassy in Iraq; a U.S. ambassador’s “endemic” trysts with prostitutes; and sexual assault by a security official in Beirut. The memo alleges that officials failed to fully investigate the scandals, and instead attempted to cover them up. The memo could damage Hillary Clinton’s reputation as Secretary of State but if there’s anyone who knows how to come out on top after a sex scandal, it’s Hillary. BBC News

Taksim SquareTaksim square is a mess! Police stormed Istanbul’s Taksim Square with water cannons and tear gas, dispersing thousands of Turkish protesters. Witnesses reported that police pushed past the protesters’ barricades and fired water cannons to break up the crowds who have been gathered there for two weeks protesting Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erdogan’s government. The demonstrators responded by throwing Molotov cocktails, rocks, and fireworks. So basically, it was a mess. Erdogen seems to running out of patience with these protesters and accused them of damaging Turkey’s image. He has called for major pro-government rallies to be held in Ankara and Istanbul this weekend. CBC News

Crowds of iImmigrants protest in favor of comprehensive immigration reform on West side of Capitol Hill in WashingtonIt seems like this has been dragging on forever, but today the Senate voted to officially begin the hisotirc immigration reform debate.  The immigration debate is set to dominate the upper chamber through the Fourth of July holiday. Whether or not they will overhaul the nation’s immigration laws, allowing those currently residing in the United States without documentation a pathway to citizenship, is still unknown. Obama is certainly onboard! And he gave a stern warning to those who oppose the bill: there is “no good reason to play procedural games or engage in obstruction.” NBC News

Day LululemonSometimes pants can really put a dent in your career and Lululemon CEO Christina Day is proof of that. Day stepped down today, taking Lululemon shares with her. Lululemon’s shares plunged 13% in aftermarket trading when the company announced Day, a former Starbucks executive, would step down from her role when the company finds a suitable successor. Day led the company through whole “see-through pants” fiasco. The ordeal led to the recall of 17% of its women’s yoga pants from store shelves and warehouses after they were deemed too sheer. Day handled the recall situation quickly and overhauled quality control. “The bounce back in loyalty and comments was really clear” after the recall and reintroduction of the pants, Ms. Day said.  Financial Post

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Booz Allen

Current Event Cat - Booz Allen

The firm Booz Allen Hamilton has fired Edward Snowden, the 29-year-old contractor who exposed the National Security Agency’s phone and Internet monitoring program. You would have thought he formally quit when he leaked top-secret documents and fled to Hong Kong, but no, he did not.

Booz Allen released a statement on Monday confirming that Snowden was, in fact, an employee of the firm stationed in Hawaii but for fewer than three months. Other items Booz Allen revealed? His salary and the fact that he was fired:

“Snowden, who had a salary at the rate of $122,000, was terminated June 10, 2013, for violations of the firm’s code of ethics and firm policy,” the company said in a statement. “We will work closely with our clients and authorities in their investigation of this matter.”

Booz Allen was reportedly “shocked” by the reports that one of its employees was the leaker of the NSA’s telephone and internet data collection program. And they’re probably pretty pissed too considering the firm gets 99% of its revenue from a variety of government contracts. Booz Allen is supposed to provide cyber security services and technical support for intelligence and defense agencies as well as civilian branches of government. Needless to say, shares of Booz Allen have been declining. I guess Snowden won’t be winning employee of the month any time soon.

Via: Current Event Cats & CNN

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Edward Snowden

Current Event Cat - NSA Leak Snowden

The individual responsible for the NSA leak has been revealed: Edward Snowden, a 29-year-old former technical assistant for the CIA and current employee of the defence contractor Booz Allen Hamilton.

Last week the Guardian revealed top-secret information about the National Security Agency’s widespread spying program. Basically that US agencies gathered millions of phone records and monitored internet data. That report was then followed by revelations in both the Washington Post and Guardian that the NSA tapped directly into the servers of nine internet firms including Facebook, Google, Microsoft and Yahoo to track online communication in a programme known as Prism.

Their source? Edward Snowden. Snowden has been working at the National Security Agency for the last four years as an employee of various outside contractors. Working out of the Hawaii office, Snowden decided three weeks ago that it was time for the leak to happen. So he copied some documents, sent them out, packed up his bags and flew to Hong Kong, where he is currently staying until this whole thing washes over. So for a long time…?

His motive? He doesn’t like the spying! Snowden told the Guardian:

“The NSA has built an infrastructure that allows it to intercept almost everything. With this capability, the vast majority of human communications are automatically ingested without targeting.

“If I wanted to see your emails or your wife’s phone, all I have to do is use intercepts. I can get your emails, passwords, phone records, credit cards.

“I don’t want to live in a society that does these sort of things… I do not want to live in a world where everything I do and say is recorded. That is not something I am willing to support or live under.”

The Justice Department said on Sunday that it has launched a criminal investigation into Edward Snowden. In a statement, the Justice Department said it is in the “initial stages of an investigation into the unauthorized disclosure of classified information by an individual with authorized access.”

But Snowden doesn’t seem too frightened:

“I have no intention of hiding who I am because I know I have done nothing wrong,” he said.

I am not afraid, because this is the choice I’ve made.”

Although he is hiding out in Hong Kong…

Via: Current Event Cats & Raw Story