Tag Archives: Francois Hollande

French Protester Dumps A Massive Pile of Poop Outside the French National Assembly

Massive Pile of Poop

The French give a sh*t and they’re not afraid to show it! A truck with the slogan “Out with Hollande and the whole political class!” dumped a large pile of horse poop in front of the Government building today.

The driver of the poop truck was clearly not a fan of President Francois Hollande’s increasingly unpopular policies. The man, who works as a horse breeder, dumped the manure to protest a recent tax hike on equestrian activities.

Interesting approach. In America, they just dump the horse sh*t inside their assembly building. Or is that the bull sh*t?

The driver of the truck was apprehended by police shortly after releasing his load of poop and is expected to face charges. But it’s nothing he can’t handle; word on the street has it that he’s been arrested for similar feces-related protests in the past.

Despite the massive pile of poop outside his door, Hollande is probably still giddy from his 2 point jump in support following the news of his alleged affair with French actress Julie Gayet. His excitement (and potentially the pile of horse sh*t blocking his way) is probably what’s keeping him from visiting his partner, Valérie Trierweiler, who has been in hospital for the past six days following the news of the alleged affair.

Trierweiler has reportedly told friends that she is “deeply hurt” by Hollande’s failure to visit her in hospital. Maybe she should try getting his attention – perhaps by dumping a massive pile of poop outside his house?

Via: The Independent

Leave a Comment

French President Francois Hollande’s Steamy Affair Boosts His Popularity

Steamy Affair France

In some countries, lowering taxes and not being a Muslim from Kenya gets you the support of the people; in France, not so much. Screw the economy; a steamy affair is what wins over the nation.

According to a new poll conducted post scandal, French President Francois Hollande’s popularity has risen in the steamy affair aftermath. The Socialist president’s approval rating jumped 2 points to 26 percent, after the gossip magazine Closer reported that he’s having a steamy affair with French actress Julie Gayet. 26 percent is a slight improvement from his record low of 15 percent in a November poll, which officially made him the most unpopular president in modern French history. Even with his rising rating, the president still remains shockingly unpopular. But if an affair can boost his approval ratings by 2 points, then he needs to visit a whore house ASAP.

A separate Ifop poll showed that 77 percent of the French population consider the affair a private matter. Unfortunately, for Hollande’s partner Valérie Trierweiler, who was admitted to the hospital upon hearing the news, 100% of the French media consider the affair a very public and very newsworthy matter.

Not surprisingly, President Hollande sides with the 77 percent. At a news conference on Tuesday, Hollande said he was experiencing a “difficult moment” in his private life and refused to answer questions about the allegations, saying “private matters should be dealt with privately”. Actress Julie Gayet, 41, has yet to make any public announcement regarding the alleged affair and Valérie Trierweiler is currently being treated for “shock” so she’s in no condition to shed any light on the matter either.

Via: TIME 

Leave a Comment

French First Lady Hospitalized Amid Rumours of a Steamy Affair

French Affair

Valérie Trierweiler, the girlfriend of French President François Hollande, has been hospitalized following reports of an affair between Hollande and the actress Julie Gayet. Scandal!

Last week Francois Hollande, who is apparently continuing the long standing tradition in French politics of being a sleazy French womanizer, threatened to sue the magazine Closer which revealed the affair. The gossip magazine published incriminating photographs which appeared to show Hollande and his alleged mistress arriving separately at a flat near the presidential Elysée Palace for secret rendezvous. Interestingly, Hollande did not deny the magazine’s report but simply protested the invasion of his privacy.

Valérie Trierweiler was so shaken by the news, she clutched her pearls, screamed “Mon dieu!” and was promptly taken to the hospital. How dare actress Julie Gayet take her spot as the younger women who breaks up President Hollande’s relationships! That was her role after Hollande left his previous partner, fellow Socialist politician Segolene Royal, to be with her.

After Trierweiler was admitted to the hospital on Friday, the doctors prescribed the 48-year-old journalist, who lives with Hollande, lots of rest and possibly a new boyfriend. She had been expected to leave hospital on Monday, but her aides said doctors had told her she needed even more rest.

“The doctors will determine when she can be dismissed from hospital. She needs to recover from the shock she has suffered,” one of Trierweiler’s aides said.

But in Hollande’s defense, maybe he was just playing the part expected of him. After all, one of the requirements for French leadership (I assume…) is having a mistress. And considering the current opinion polls show he is already one of the most unpopular French presidents ever, he probably thought the news of an affair couldn’t really hurt anything – except Trierweiler’s mental health.

Via: BBC News

Leave a Comment

François Hollande Is Also Spying On The French

François Hollande

President François Hollande is looking foolish today after the French newspaper Le Monde revealed that France is the latest country to be given the Big Brother label.

Just days after François Hollande gave the United States a stern talking to, telling them to stop eavesdropping on Europe if they want progress on a trade deal, Le Monde accused France of spying on its own citizens’ phone calls, emails, and internet activity.

François Hollande gave a speech last week calling the revelations that America spies on its allies “unacceptable” and demanding an immediate assurance that survelliance would be stopped or he would block negotiations on a transatlantic free trade treaty.

“We cannot accept this kind of behaviour between partners and allies,” Mr Hollande said. “We ask that this immediately stop. There can be no negotiations or transactions in all areas until we have obtained these guarantees, for France but also for all of the European Union, for all partners of the United States.”

Well the joke’s on Hollande now because he’s doing the same thing to his own constituents.In a similar style to the NSA’s Prism program, Le Monde reports that France runs a vast electronic surveillance operation, intercepting and stocking data from citizens’ phone and internet activity. The program reportedly doesn’t look at individual intercepts for content, but uses the data to connect the dots and networks of communication, essentially creating a map of “who is talking to whom”.

But the French also record data from large American networks like Google and Facebook, the newspaper said. Apparently, data on “all emails, SMSs, telephone calls, Facebook and Twitter posts” are collected and stored in a massive three-floor underground bunker at the Direction Generale de la Securite Exterieure’s headquarters in Paris.

I think it’s pretty safe to say at this point that every government everywhere has some kind of surveillance system in place. Except maybe in Vanuatu – they haven’t discovered computers yet.

Via: LA Times

Leave a Comment

Hollande Demands Journalists Back… And Other News

Hollande Demands Immediate Release

 “Give us back our journalists!” Hollande demands.

French president François Hollande has demanded the return of the two missing French journalists in Syria. The journalists, reporter Didier François and photographer Edouard Elias, had been on their way to Aleppo from the Turkish-Syrian border when radio broadcaster Europe 1 lost touch with them. Hollande fears they have been kidnapped and says their lives are at risk. He also emphasized the need for journalists in Syria so the world could keep an eye on the civil war and human rights violations. Fun fact: An Amnesty International report published last month named Syria as the most dangerous place in the world for journalists. CNN

Bieber in SpaceFinally! Someone is shooting Justin Bieber into space! The only catch? He will probably return… unless there is a mysterious mechanical failure. Virgin Galactic’s Richard Branson tweeted that Bieber booked a seat along with his manager Scooter on one of the company’s suborbital spaceflights: “Great to hear @justinbieber & @scooterbraun are latest @virgingalactic future astronauts. Congrats, see you up there!” The tickets require a $250,000 deposit, which is not a bad price for ridding the world of Justin Bieber, if only temporarily. Maybe we should all chip in and get Chris Brown a seat. And then work on that mysterious mechanical failure… CBC News

Gilbert Goes HomeTurns out if you pay a prostitute to have sex with you and she doesn’t put out, you’re allowed to shoot her. A jury in Texas just acquitted a man who admitted he shot an escort who took his money but refused to have sex with him. When she refused to return his $150, Ezekiel Gilbert shot her in the neck. She didn’t die but did become paralyzed – and then died seven months later. His defense team argued that his actions were justified because he was trying to retrieve stolen property: the $150. The jury agreed and Gilbert thanked God and went home. NY Daily News

Bolivia Buried AliveWell that’s one way to punish a rapist: A man suspected of rape (and murder!) has been buried alive by villagers in the southern highlands of Bolivia. The 17-year-old suspect allegedly raped and murdered a 35-year-old woman and the villagers were less than impressed. They took punishment into their own hands, grabbing Santos Ramos and burying him alive in the grave of his alleged victim. They then filled the grave with dirt and blocked the roads into the village to stop police from arriving. Well, that takes care of that! Assuming he was indeed the attacker… otherwise, that’s a rough way to go. Justice – Bolivian style! BBC News

Prince PhilipAnd Prince Philip’s 92nd birthday present is… exploratory surgery! The Queen’s husband will spend his 92nd birthday in London hospital recovering from exploratory surgery involving “abdominal investigations”. Philip was admitted on Friday, just one day after attending a garden party at Buckingham Palace in central London. The royals released a statement saying Philip was in “very good health” and the surgery had been planned in advance. But this isn’t the first time the royal couple has been hospitalized – last year Philip was in for a bladder infection and the Queen had symptoms of gastroenteritis. New York Times

Pop v SodaAre you a pop person or a soda person? Now you can know for sure with the help of an interactive map! Joshua Katz, a Ph.D student in the Department of Statistics at NC State University, has published a set of maps that show the different ways Americans pronounce these much-debated words and phrases. Apparently I’m a pop person, no one is a soft drink person, and people in the south speak funny. NBC News

Leave a Comment