Tag Archives: John Kerry

John Kerry Tells Crimea to Crimea River… And Other News

Crimea John Kerry

Crimea river – is Secretary of State John Kerry’s message to the Ukrainian-owned, Russia-loving region.

After a tense meeting with  Russia’s foreign minister, the U.S. has declared that it will not recognize the results of Sunday’s “illegitimate” referendum in Crimea on joining Russia. Meanwhile, foreign minister Sergey Lavrov said Russia has “no plans for military intrusion in Eastern Ukraine,” despite the fact that Putin has lined up tens of thousands of Russian troops along the border. As for the “illegitimate” referendum, Lavrov said Moscow is “committed to respect the will of the people of Crimea.” While Lavrov said his six-hour meeting with Kerry was “constructive”, I think what he really meant is they disagreed on everything and left it at that. BBC News

Child Marriage IraqWhile the U.S is slowly legalizing gay marriage state by state, Iraq has gone one step further (or very far backwards?) by considering legalizing child-marriage. The draft measure, which was first introduced by Iraq’s Justice Ministry at the end of 2013, would open the door to girls as young as nine getting married and would allow a husband to have sex with his wife regardless of consent.  The measure, based on a school of religious law found by the Shiite imam Jaafar al-Sadiq, would only apply to Iraq’s majority Shiite population. While the measure still has to be ratified by parliament before it becomes law, rights activists are doing everything they can to make sure that doesn’t happen. “That law represents a crime against humanity and childhood,” prominent Iraqi human rights activist Hana Adwar said. “Married underage girls are subjected to physical and psychological suffering.” I guess America’s plan to bring freedom and democracy to Iraq didn’t exactly go as planned… Huffington Post

Boehner Invites PopeHouse Speaker and apparent Catholic John Boehner has extended a formal and open invitation to the Pope to pay a visit Congress and share his message of “protection of the most vulnerable among us-the ailing, the disadvantaged, the unemployed, the impoverished, [and] the unborn.” There’s at least one Republican congressman (Paul Ryan…) who could use a lecture on helping the poor – or inner city men as he calls them. No pope or religious leader that serves as a head of state has ever addressed Congress before, so if Pope Francis accepts, it would be a big pope-ing deal. The Pope is reportedly considering a trip to the U.S. next year so I’m sure he’s thrilled to already have something on his itinerary. USA Today

Taliban prisonersAre we sure we want to pull out of Afghanistan and leave everything in the capable hands of their security forces…? The Taliban was up to their old tricks again when they tricked prison officials in Afghanistan’s southern city of Kandahar into releasing 12 Taliban fighters. How did this trickery occur? The Taliban sent a fake letter to the prison requesting the release of 30 prisoners. Eighteen inmates on the list were supposed to be freed anyways, but the other 12 were not. The prison didn’t realize their mistake until the prisoners had already been released. Oops. Two have since been recaptured but the search for the others continues. BBC News

China Market Knife AttackIs China short on guns? Another stabbing rampage broke out in China on Friday morning when a dispute between food stall owners turned ugly. The fight between the two peddlers ended when one decided to hack the other to death and “in the process of fleeing,” fatally stabbed four pedestrians before police arrived on the scene to shoot him. The knifing comes just weeks after another stabbing incident left 29 people dead and 130 injured. Police are attributing that attack to separatist forces/terrorists from the predominantly Muslim Uighur region, who I hope had a better reason than a food stall dispute. The Guardian

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Nuke Deal Reached

Current Event Cat - Nuke Deal Reached

Break out the champagne – the Iran nuke deal has been reached! Unless you’re Israeli – then you can break out the anger. And unless you’re one of those people who looks more than 6 months into the future – then you can break out the mild enthusiasm because the nuke deal is only an interim pact.

Still, the not-yet-finalized six-month interim nuke deal is a big step towards Iran not blowing everybody up! After lengthy negotiations in Geneva between Iran and the P5+1 countries, the countries reached a temporary nuke deal under which Iran would dismantle its military nuclear capabilities and the other countries would lift some of the sanctions imposed on Iran by the UN, US and the European Union.

And while under the deal Iran will have to give inspectors greater access to its key nuclear sites, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry is still a little skeptical about Iran’s compliance. Kerry hopes that the nuke deal will keep Iran’s nuclear program in check until a more permanent deal can be reached, but he acknowledged on Sunday that enforcing the agreement could be more difficult than reaching it in the first place.

“The next phase, let me be clear, will be even more difficult, and we need to be honest about it,” he said.

And while Kerry is taking a cautious approach, there is one guy who isn’t afraid to say the nuke deal blows: Iran’s arch-nemesis, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

“This is a bad agreement,” said Netanyahu’s office, in a statement hours after the nuke deal was signed.

“It gives Iran exactly what it wanted — a significant easing of sanctions and allows it to keep hold of the most essential parts of its nuclear programme.”

“The agreement allows Iran to continue enriching uranium and leaves all the centrifuges in place which allow it to create fissile material for nuclear weapons.”

Israeli Intelligence Minister Yuval Steinitz agreed, saying the nuke deal was likely to bring Iran “closer” rather than further away from building a bomb.

“The current deal … is more likely to bring Iran closer to having a bomb. Israel cannot participate in the international celebration, which is based on Iranian deception and world self-delusion,” he said.

But there’s nothing that a little phone call from President Obama can’t cure (except this). Obama rang up Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu Sunday afternoon to offer his assurances that Israel would be consulted in the Iranian nuclear deal. They might not listen to him, but he’ll be consulted. Obama also assured him that the U.S. “will remain firm in our commitment to Israel, which has good reason to be skeptical about Iran’s intentions.” Although if this is anything like his assurance that Americans could keep their healthcare plans, maybe Israel does have good reason to be worried…

Via: BBC News & Current Event Cats

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Nuclear Deal

Current Event Cat - Iran Nuclear Deal

Despite his best efforts, Secretary of State John Kerry has so far failed to reach an agreement with Iran over its nuclear program.

Representatives from Iran and the so-called P5+1 – the US, UK, France, Russia and China plus Germany have been in Geneva trying to hammer out a deal to limit Iran’s nuclear program and ease up on Western sanctions. On Monday Kerry revealed that negotiators had been “very, very close … extremely close” to reaching a deal with Iran. But sometimes close just isn’t enough – as Kerry learned in 2004 – and the deal fell through over the weekend.

So what happened? Well, Iran is blaming it on the West – namely France. Iran’s foreign minister, Mohammad Javad Zarif, blamed France for “gutting over half” of the U.S. draft.

The U.S, however, is blaming it on Iran. Kerry said Iran backed out of the nuclear deal on the last day of talks. He also maintains that the West was unified when they presented their proposal to the Iranians.

“The French signed off on it, we signed off on it, and everybody agreed it was a fair proposal,” Kerry said. “Iran couldn’t take it at that particular moment.”

While some say the nuclear talks failed because France really wanted tight restrictions placed on the heavy-water reactor being built in Arak and others say they failed because Iran is insisting on formal recognition of its “right” to enrich uranium, both sides are committed to reaching an agreement. Eventually.

Diplomats are expected to meet again Nov. 20 to pick up where they left off and both sides are relatively optimistic.

“We are committed to constructive engagement. Interaction on equal footing key to achieve shared objectives,” Zarif said.

As for John Kerry, he’s just happy Iran is talking.

“We haven’t been speaking in 35 years,” Kerry said. “We just talked more in 30 hours than we have in 30 years prior.”

Via: CBS News 

3-D Guns Are Now A Thing… And Other News

3-D Gun

A Texas company says it has made the first metal gun using a 3-D printer, paving the way for rednecks everywhere to start creating their own firearms. Well this makes me feel very safe.

The Austin company, Solid Concepts, created almost all the parts of the 3-D gun via direct metal laser sintering – whatever that means. While some are concered over the emerging ability to build your own gun, I say c’mon, it’s Texas! You don’t need a 3-D printer – just buy a gun on the internet or take one from a gun show parking lot or find one in your cereal box. Mental patients and felons don’t have time to sit around and assemble a 3-D gun, let alone pay $20k for a 3-D printer – they’ve got places to go and people to kill! CNN

Polio in Syria 2Thanks a lot Syria! After polio made a surprise comeback in Syria after a 14-year absence, health experts are now worried that the disease could reemerge in Europe as refugees come flooding in. Martin Eichner, a professor at the University of Tuebingen, co-authored a letter to the medial journal The Lancet, warning that the vaccine used in the U.S. and Europe offers only partial protection against infection so the disease could enter Europe via unsuspecting refugees and cause an outbreak. The polio virus, which is spread through feces, has no cure – but heightened screening of sewage systems near refugee settlements could help reduce the outbreak. Or sealing off Europe’s borders. Either one. Bloomberg

Kerry and NetanyahuJohn Kerry is taking his sweet time putting together a deal on Iran’s nuclear program. The Secretary of State arrived in Geneva on Friday to talk with Iranian representatives but stressed that no agreement has been reached on Iran’s nuke program and emphasized that the parties still have significant ground to cover. Under the current deal being floated, Iran would freeze expansion of its nuclear program in exchange for loosened economic sanctions. While the West is mulling it over, Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has already made up his mind: Iran is evil! Netanyahu said he “utterly rejected” the deal with its arch nemesis Iran and if it went through, it would be a “grievous historic error.”  So to sum up, he’s not a fan. BBC News

I'm SorryPresident Obama is sorry. He’s sorry the health care website is full of glitches, he’s sorry he falsely promised Americans that they could keep their health insurance plans, and he’s sorry about the backlash he’s getting because of it. “I am sorry that they are finding themselves in this situation based on assurances they got from me,” he told NBC News. Well you can stuff your sorries in a sack mister because despite repeated assurances that anyone who likes their health insurance plan could keep them under Obamacare, the administration has apparently known since the summer of 2010 that this was not the case and millions of Americans could lose their insurance under the law. “Obviously we didn’t do a good enough job in terms of how we crafted the law,” Obama said in the interview Thursday. “And, you know, that’s something I regret.” No kidding. NBC News

Canada-Toronto MayorRob Ford needs a vacation and perhaps a little bit of counselling – according to his brother, Councilman Doug Ford, in what must be the understatement of the century. After admitting to smoking crack in a drunken stupor and watching a video of himself utter death threats in a drunken stupor, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford is finally ready to potentially start considering the fact that he may have a bit of a drinking problem. Facing increasing pressure to resign, Ford is now considering entering rehab – and by rehab I mean a short vacation from drugs and booze. “If Rob goes away on a vacation, for a week or two weeks, Rob loses 50, 60 pounds, stays on the straight narrows, because he’s a good man … it’ll be tough to beat Rob Ford,” his brother said on Talk Radio 640. Losing 50-60lbs in a week or two without the help of crack? Good luck! The Globe and Mail

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Government Shutdown Update: NO PROGRESS

Government Shutdown No Progress

President Obama called House Speaker John Boehner earlier today and told him that he will NOT negotiate with Republicans until they end the shutdown and agree to raise the debt limit.

The president then called a press conference and pretty much reiterated that to the American people. Obama said any negotiations on the ongoing government shutdown or the debt limit “shouldn’t require hanging the threats of a shutdown or economic chaos over the heads of the American people”. So end the shutdown and then we’ll talk!

Obama called those Republicans considering a default “irresponsible” and “out of touch with reality,” saying that they’re too scared of Tea Party challengers to side with the Democrats / think logically. He urged the House to pass “clean” proposals that don’t have partisan amendments pushing GOP priorities… or the consequences could be dire.

Obama also apologized to Americans for the partisan deadlock.

“We’ve got to stop repeating this pattern. I know the American people are tired of it,” the president said, adding: “I apologize you have to go through this stuff every three months, it seems like. And Lord knows, I’m tired of it. At some point we’ve got to break these habits.”

JohnKerryAsiaSummitAPBut most of all, Obama was upset that he missed out on his trip to Asia. He had to send John Kerry as a stand-in at the Asia-Pacific Economic Cooperation summit in Indonesia. This could have been him!!! —->

“I should have been there,” Obama said. “It’s like me not showing up at my own party.

The President criticized Republican lawmakers further by saying that the government shutdown and the missed opportunities that result from it hurt America’s credibility around the world. Although, to be fair, wearing that outfit may have hurt his credibility even more…

Via: The New York Times

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Israeli-Palestinian Peace Talks

Current Event Cat - Peace Talks

Israeli-Palestinian peace talks kicked off with a working dinner at the US State Department on Monday night. Nothing like a working dinner to ease your way into an impossible task.

U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry is credited with opening the first direct peace talks between Israeli and Palestinian peace negotiators in three years. In the last five months, John Kerry has made it his mission to get this thing going, making six official visits to the Middle East in an effort to restart the negotiations.

Mission accomplished! (In getting everyone in one room – not on negotiating any kind of peace deal). Top representatives of Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu (Israeli Justice Minister Tzipi Livni and lead Palestinian negotiator Saeb Erakat) were at the White House meeting ready to get down to business. The new peace talks mark the first time the two sides will be holding face-to-face negotiations in nearly three years – even longer if you discount the last talks which failed after one day. This time the two sides have committed to at least nine months of talks – but neither is especially hopeful that they will get a good deal out of the other side.

Reaching “reasonable compromises” between Israelis and Palestinians will be difficult, Kerry told reporters earlier Monday, adding that “the consequences of not trying could be worse.”

“Many difficult choices lie ahead for the negotiators and for the leaders as we seek reasonable compromises on tough, complicated, emotional and symbolic issues,” Kerry said.“I think reasonable compromises has to be a keystone of all of this effort.”


Well if there’s one thing the Middle East in known for, it’s reasonable compromises. So good luck with that John Kerry.

Via: BBC News & Current Event Cats

The Great Boat Scandal Conspiracy Theory… Starring Glenn Beck

Glenn Beck Heinz Boat Cover up

The only reason for someone to go to the hospital is to distract people from a minor boat scandal. According to crazy ole Glenn Beck…

Glenn Beck almost had a seizure last week yelling at the State Department for denying that Secretary of State John Kerry was on his boat while the political crisis in Egypt unfolded. When the Boston Herald published pictures of Kerry onboard his boat in Nantucket that day former Egyptian president Mohamed Morsi got the boot, the State Department was forced to change it’s story. Their statement changed from ‘no boat’ to ‘briefly on a boat’.

 “While he was briefly on his boat on Wednesday, Secretary Kerry worked around the clock all day including participating in the President’s meeting with his national security council,” State Department spokeswoman Jen Psaki said.

Then several days later, it was reported that Kerry’s wife, Teresa Heinz Kerry, was admitted to the hospital for symptoms consistent with a seizure. Coincidence? Glenn Beck thinks not!

The conservative readio host accused Teresa Heinz Kerry of faking her hospitalization to cover up her husband’s super scandalous boating adventure.

“You expect me to believe that Ms. Ketchup is in critical condition?” he asked, comparing the situation to his previous conspiracy theory that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton had faked a head injury to avoid testifying about terrorist attacks in Benghazi. Spoiler alert: it turned out to be a blood clot…

“I find it fascinating that she is in critical condition this weekend after the State Department was caught in a lie. The same day the State Department is caught in a massive, massive lie,  the same the press is no longer asking anybody about that, because Teresa Heinz is now in the hospital.”

Beck added a bit more verbal diarrhea: “I don’t know what’s real anymore. Because, is this not the perfect scenario? This is a huge scandal! And what do they say now? ‘He is having a hard time, his wife is in the hospital.’ And that may very well be true, but I’m sorry, I can’t give you any sympathy now because you’ve lied to us too many times.”

Heinz Kerry was hospitalized in critical condition on Sunday but her condition has since been upgraded to “fair.”

Any last words from Glen Beck?

“People go to hospital for no reason except to get them out of things.”

Wasn’t Glenn Beck hospitalized for hemorrhoids a few years ago? What was he trying to get out of??? I guess the pain of having swollen veins in his anus.

Via: Media Matters

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John Kerry’s On A Boat… And Other News

John Kerry on a Boat

“I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat, everybody look at me ’cause I’m sailing on a boat. I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat. Take a good hard look at the motherf*cking boat,” Secretary of State John Kerry sang from his boat in Nantucket on Wednesday while the Egyptian president was being deposed.

Amid dealing with goings-on in Egypt John Kerry made the mistake of being photographed on a boat on Nantucket the day of the coup. After denying being on boat, pictures of Kerry on the boat surfaced, and his team had to awkwardly reverse the previous denial. “Any report or tweet that he was on a boat is completely inaccurate” turned into “While he was briefly on his boat on Wednesday, Secretary Kerry worked around the clock all day including participating in the president’s meeting with his national security council”. Who doesn’t take a quick boat break in the middle of dealing with an Egyptian crisis?

John Kerry’s response to the nonsense? “F*ck land, I’m on a boat, motherf*cker.” Politico

Trump v MonninScore one for the Trump! A federal judge has ruled that beauty queen Sheen Monnin must pay Donald Trump’s Miss USA organization $5m for defamation. The disgraced beuty queen resigned as Miss Pennsylvania in 2012 after publicly claiming the contest was rigged. Her allegations allegedly cost the pageant $5m in a lost sponsorship deal. Monnin insisted that another contestant had learned the names of the Miss USA competitors who finished in the top five, before the show was even broadcast. The Miss USA organization denied any wrongdoing and took Monnin to court, where she lost for a second time. Rumour on the pageant circuit, however, is that Monnin didn’t resign over the results, but rather that she disagreed with a decision to allow transgender contestants. Sounds like someone knew they wouldn’t stand a chance next to RuPaul. Either way, I smell the plot for Miss Congeniality 3: No RuPologies. BBC News

Trayvon MotherIt’s Mother vs. Mother in the George Zimmerman trial. George Zimmerman’s mother and uncle took the stand in the second-degree murder trial and testified that the screams heard on the recording of a 911 call belonged to Zimmerman. But earlier the victim’s mother, Sybrina Martin, said that the voice heard screaming for help was her son’s. “Absolutely,” she answered resolutely, adding that she knew it was him the minute she heard the recording. Identifying which voice it was is considered key to proving whether George Zimmerman or 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was the aggressor the night of the murder. This is one problem Zimmerman’s lawyer can’t solve with a knock-knock joke. Although that probably won’t stop him from trying. CNN

FireworksBeer+hotdogs+fireworks = the headline: “FIREWORKS ACCIDENT INJURES 28”. An accidental detonation of fireworks in Simi Valley, California ended in shrapnel-like injuries and burns for 28 onlookers gathered to watch the city’s Fourth of July fireworks display last night. Four suffered serious, but not life-threatening, injuries. Police say the cause of the explosion was unknown but it was likely that a firework got a little too excited and detonated prematurely in its mortar, knocking over a row of others. New York Times

Peter ChanIn an epic gold digging fail, the former lover of Chinese billionaire Nina Wang was sentenced to 12 years in prison after a Hong Kong court found him guilty of forging a will to claim her multibillion-dollar estate. After Nina Wang died in 2007 from cancer at the age of 69, Peter Chan tried to pass himself off as the beneficiary of her fortune, estimated by prosecutors at over $10 billion. Apparently the $3 billion Wang gave him while she was alive was not enough for his gold digging ways. He needed the rest – which was supposed to go to a charitable foundation Wang and her late husband founded. USA Today

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John Kerry Gives Stern Warning to Kim Jong-un

John Kerry Stern Warning

How scared should you be about the whole North Korea thing? Pretty f*cking scared according to some reports from the Defense Intelligence Agency, which suggest that North Korea has mastered the technology to mount a nuclear warhead on a missile.

But not to worry, US Secretary of State John Kerry has arrived in Seoul, South Korea with a stern warning for its evil neighbor to the north. Kerry reaffirmed the United States’ commitment to protecting itself and its allies and said that a missile launch by North Korea would be a “provocative act” and a “HUGE mistake”.

“I would say ahead of time that it is a huge mistake for him to choose to do that because it will further isolate his country and further isolate his people, who frankly are desperate for food, not missile launches.”

The North recently moved two Musudan ballistic missiles to its east coast, causing South Korea to raise its alert level to ‘vital’. North Korea’s Musudan missiles have a range of up to 2,500 miles, according to American officials, which means they have the potential to strike targets in South Korea, all of Japan and even Guam. Noooo!! Not Guam!!!

However, John Kerry didn’t seem to be too worried. He believes the greatest risk isn’t a deliberate attack but a conflict arising out out of a series of provocations and miscalculations by the young and inexperienced Kim Jong-un. Burn.

“Kim Jong-un needs to understand, as I think he probably does, what the outcome of the conflict would be.”

I don’t know a lot about Kim Jong-un (only his bff Dennis Rodman really does), but I get the feeling he’s not the type to react well to a stern talking to. He seems more of the irrational tantrum type. At least he doesn’t have nuclear weapons… oh sh*t..

Via: The New York Times

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Current Event Cat of the Day: John Kerry

Current Event Cat - John Kerry

Current Event Cat of the Day: John Kerry

John Kerry has taken on the impossible: reviving the stalled peace talks between Israeli and Palestinian leaders. The US Secretary of State started his Middle East trip in Israel, meeting with Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas, who refuses to negotiate until Israel stops settlement construction in the West Bank. No surprise there.

Kerry will also meet with Palestinian Prime Minister Salam Fayyad and Israeli President Shimon Peres today and Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on Tuesday to discuss reviving the Middle East peace process.

And a trip to the Middle East wouldn’t be complete without a stern warning to Iran. Kerry warned Iran that time is running out for negotiations on its suspected covert nuclear weapons program.

“We would repeat to Iran it is our desire to have a diplomatic solution, but this choice really lies in the hands of the Iranians,” Kerry said. “If you have a peaceful program for nuclear power, as a number of nations do, it is not hard to prove to the world that it is peaceful.”

Looks like he will have his hands full on the 9-day trip.

Via: Current Event Cats