Tag Archives: Kids These Days

Teen Faces Jail Time for Oral Sex with Jesus

oral sex jesus statue

A Pennsylvania teen is facing two years in juvenile detention after he simulated oral sex with a statue of Jesus and uploaded pictures on Facebook.

The troublemaking teen straddled the Son of God figure outside the “Love in the Name of Christ” Christian organization’s Everett, Pennsylvania headquarters while his friend took pictures of him humping the Jesus statue’s face.

While the number of times teens have been caught humping inanimate objects as a practical joke has got to be in the thousands billions, this 14-year-old boy’s “statue-tory” rape prank caused such an uproar in the small town that the police whipped out the seldom-invoked 1972 Pennsylvania law which criminalizes “defacing, damaging, polluting, or otherwise physically mistreating in a way that the actor knows will outrage the sensibilities of persons likely to observe or discover the action.”

Once the pictures went viral, officials in Bedford County charged the teen with desecration of a venerated object. The criminal charge will be heard in family court later this month. And, if convicted, the teen could apparently face up to two years in juvenile jail.

Yes, in Pennsylvania you can be arrested for molesting inanimate objects while clergy get away with molesting children.

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Probably Not a Good Idea to Tweet a Terrorist Threat to an Airline…

American Airlines Dutch Tweet

A 14-year-old Twitter obsessed tween is learning the hard way that threatening a major airline on social media may not be the best idea.

On Sunday morning, 14-year-old “Sarah” from the Netherlands addressed a tweet to the US-based airline implying she was an al Qaeda operative planning an attack.

AA Tweet 2

Well that sounds pretty legit…. but American Airlines wasn’t taking any chances and wrote back:

AA Tweet Response

At this point Sarah freaked out and quickly backtracked, saying she was simply a 14-year-old white girl who made the whole thing up.

Tweets More

“I’m just a fangirl pls I don’t have evil thoughts and plus I’m a white girl,” she tweeted.

Well, if she’s a white girl she can’t possibly be a terrorist! Case closed. But just to play it safe, Sarah let everyone know that she blocked the FBI from her Twitter account. That should do the trick!

Meanwhile, over at the FBI headquarters….

FBI Agent 1: “Did you complete surveillance on that airline bomb threat?”

FBI Agent 2: “I tried sir, but she blocked us on Twitter! There’s nothing we can do.”

FBI Agent 1: “Damn. We’ll have to add her on Facebook now…”

I guess the Facebook strategy worked because on Monday the Dutch teen was arrested in Rotterdam and questioned by the police.

“We’re not in a state that we can communicate any state of charges at this point,” a Dutch police spokesperson said. “We just thought it was necessary to bring this out mostly because of the fact that it caused a great deal of interest on the Internet.”

But in the end it was all worth it because Sarah achieved what other 14-year-old girls only dream of: thousands of Twitter followers!

“Omg I got over 10k rts for that tweet omg” Sarah tweeted.

“Over 20k followers yay”

Yay! Her criminal record (and underwear) may be permanently stained, but she’ll always have her Twitter followers – until it Twitter suspends her account… which they already did.

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Knife Attack at Pittsburgh High School

Current Event Cat - Knife Attack High School

These days school shootings are a dime a dozen, but you never hear much about mass school stabbings. Well, not anymore! Twenty-four people were reportedly injured at around 7:15 a.m. on Wednesday at a Pittsburgh-area high school during a knife attack.

A 16-year-old knife-wielding student ran through the school’s hallways, stabbing people indiscriminately with two ordinary kitchen knives until the school’s 60-year-old assistant principal tackled him to the ground.

The culprit, Alex Hribal, is accused of stabbing 21 students and a security guard on Wednesday morning. Two other students were injured in the aftermath of the attack at Franklin Regional High School – most likely trying to escape from the stabbing rampage. Luckily, no one died and as of today only one student remains in critical condition.

Alex Hribal is being held without bail in a juvenile detention center. Police announced Wednesday evening that they are charging the 16-year-old sophomore as an adult. He will face four counts of attempted homicide and 21 counts of aggravated assault.

The students, who describe Hribal as a “typical kid”, never saw it coming.

“I didn’t really know what was going on at the time,” one victim said. “It was all kind of a blur.”

“He was very quiet. He just was kind of doing it,” another witness said. “And he had this, like, look on his face that he was just crazy and he was just running around, just stabbing whoever was in his way.”

No motive for the attacker has been announced yet, but one victim summed it up like this:

“I feel he has some issues he has to work out.”

Yes, he probably does.

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Texas Affluenza Brat

Current Event Cat - Affluenza Brat

Ethan Couch, the Texas brat who was famously diagnosed with “affluenza” after killing four people in a car wreck, is finally putting his money where his mouth is. The family of the Texas teen has apparently reached settlements with some of the families of his victims.

Ethan Couch’s drunk driving case made headlines last year after a defense “expert” claimed Couch was a victim of “affluenza” – the product of wealthy, privileged parents who never set limits for the boy. Poor Ethan was coddled into a sense of irresponsibility, causing the 16-year-old to pop some prescription pills, drink a bunch of alcohol, and then ram his truck into a group of people helping a woman whose car had stopped, killing all four of them and critically inuring his two passengers. If only rich pampered kids could tell right from wrong!

The judge took pity on the boozed-up brat and gave Couch 10 years’ probation and a treatment program – much less than the 20 years prison Couch could have gotten.  If only he was a poor black kid with drug-addicted parents who never taught him right from wrong – then he would definitely be in jail for 20 years. Just kidding, it’s Texas. He would totally have gotten the death penalty.

Despite a less than satisfactory sentence, Ethan Couch’s family has now coughed up cash to some of his victims’ families in a civil lawsuit. So far, the families of victims Hollie and Shelby Boyles and Breanna Mitchell have finalized their cases against Ethan’s father, Fred Couch, and his company. The Boyleses, along with youth pastor Brian Jennings, 41, stopped along the side of the road to help Mitchell, 24, after she blew out a tire last summer.

The remaining lawsuits on behalf of Pastor Brian Jennings, who was killed, and Couch’s passengers who were injured are still being worked out. Considering the wealthy Texas tycoons make a reported $10 million per year, the remaining victims are probably looking for a hefty payout – which is great because the less money the Couch family has, the less likely their idiot son will blame his poor choices on affluenza.

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School Bans 9-Year-Old Boy’s My Little Pony Backpack, Calling It A “Bully Trigger”

My Little Pony Boy

A 9-year-old North Carolina boy who was physically and verbally bullied by classmates after he brought a “My Little Pony” backpack to school, has been told by school officials to bring his belongings in something else – something a little less homosexual.

According to the school, the bag – not the bullying – is the problem. Buncombe County Schools released a statement defending its dick move (and you know it’s a dick move when even Glenn Beck is on the boy’s side), saying “an initial step was taken to immediately address a situation that had created a disruption in the classroom.”

Perhaps, but if you’re carrying a My Little Pony backpack to school everyday, I’m pretty sure banning the bag isn’t going to stop the bullying. This kid is in for a rough ride until college unless something is done about the bullying – not just the bag. 

But 9-year-old Grayson Bruce, the ultimate brony, just wants his My Little Pony bag back. While Grayson acknowledges that his favorite cartoon is targeted toward girls, he likes the show’s message of friendship and feels that boys should be encouraged to watch it too – without the threat of being bullied.

“They’re taking it a little too far with, you know, punching me, pushing me down, calling me horrible names,” Grayson said. “Stuff that really shouldn’t happen.”

Grayson’s mom, Noreen, is sticking up for her son, calling the school out for banning the bag rather than banning the bullying.

“Saying a lunchbox is a trigger for bullying is like saying a short skirt is a trigger for rape. It’s flawed logic; it doesn’t make any sense,” she said.

Horrified that her son has been told to “go kill yourself” and worried that he will end up like 11-year-old Michael Morones, another boy from North Carolina who was a fan of My Little Pony and tried to hang himself after being bullied at school, Noreen has decided to homeschool Grayson – at least until she can find a more Brony friendly school in the area.

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All White Wrestling Team Thinks Lynching Black Dummy Shows School Spirit

White Boys Lynching

Eight members of a Phillipsburgh, New Jersey high school wrestling team were banned from a state tournament days after a photo surfaced of team members lynching a black wrestling dummy.

The photo features seven of the wrestlers simulating a lynching of a black wrestling dummy in a Paulsboro High School’s shirt – the school’s longtime wrestling rival. Even though 37 percent of residents of Paulsboro, New Jersey are African-American, compared to only 7.5 percent of Phillipsburgh, the boys insist the dummy’s colour had nothing to do with it – they were just trying to show school spirit.

The boys’ lawyer, speaking on behalf of the students, said:

“[W]hen we spontaneously set the scene and posed for the photograph, our sole purpose was to promote school spirit and portray our wrestling team as victor over two of our archrivals — Paulsboro High School and Kittatinny High School, and not for any other purpose.”

“In outfitting the wrestling dummy, we did not give any thought to the physical appearance of the dummy as anything other than an unidentified generic wrestler.

“We did not intend to disparage anyone,” he continued. “We are truly sorry for any harm we may have caused.”

Their attorney also noted that the wrestling dummy in the photo is used in daily practices and, as far as they know, is only manufactured in dark leather. If there were a white dummy, they totally would have lynched him too. Or would they have chosen a non-lynching intimidation tactic? Like perhaps some sort of wrestling move… because, they’re wrestling team.

Much like the high school girls that thought it was appropriate to feature fried chicken, watermelon and cornbread for Black History Month, the boys’ action, however “innocently” it came to be, seems pretty dumb in retrospect. If they can’t understand why a photo of a bunch of white boys lynching a black dummy might be slightly offensive – especially when one of them appears to be wearing a Ku Klux Klan type hat – then that high school is doing a pretty poor job on the education front.

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Norwegian Boy Pretends He’s A Dwarf To Avoid Getting Driving Underage… Then Gets Caught Again

Boy or Dwarf?

A ten-year-old Norwegian boy came up with a… creative… excuse after he drove his parents’ car into a snowy ditch; he told the cops he was a dwarf who forgot his license.

“No Officer, I’m not a 10-year-old boy out on a joy ride, I’m obviously a dwarf…”

Two weeks ago, the young boy put his 18-month old sister in the family car while his parents were still sleeping and headed out towards Grandma’s house. However, he only managed to drive 10 kilometers before veering off the road and ending up in a snowy ditch. Still, not bad for a 10-year-old. A snowplow driver saw the car and alerted the police. When the police showed up they found that the children were not injured, the car was not damaged, but the parents were a little worried.

“The parents woke up and discovered that the children were missing and that someone had taken off with their car. They were pretty upset, as you can imagine,” said Baard Christiansen, a spokesman for the Vest Oppland police district.

“The boy told the snowplow driver that he was a dwarf and that he had forgotten his driver’s license at home.”

Police said no charges would be filed and the case was closed.

“We have talked to [the parents], and I’m pretty sure they’re going to pay very close attention both to their children and to their car keys in the future,” Christiansen said.

WRONG.  Apparently Junior didn’t learn his lesson because fast forward two weeks and he’s done it again. For Round 2, the boy stole his aunt’s car and drove about 35 kilometers before his parents called the police and they pulled him over.

“He is a boy who likes adventure and excitement, that’s all there is to it,” his mother said.

They sound like great parents…

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