Tag Archives: Kim Jong-un

Where in the World is Kim Jong Un? And Other News…

Kim Jong Un

Where in the world is Kim Jong Un? The mystery surrounding the whereabouts of Kim Jong Un, who has not been seen in public since early September, grew even more mysterious Friday after the Supreme leader missed a ceremony to pay tribute to his late father and grandfather on what is a VERY important national anniversary.

Kim Jong Un’s absence and rumored illness has recently fueled speculation that he’d been overthrown in a coup, but the prevailing theory is that the dictator hurt his leg and doesn’t want to appear weak in front the people who worship him. Sources say the injury, possibly related to cheese induced obesity or gout, took place around late August or early September while Kim was inspecting military exercises. Either way, North Korean sources say Kim Jong Un will be Kim Jong Unavailable for at least 100 days. Reuters

Secret ServiceThe biggest threat to President Obama is… internet trolls. More than half of the threats made against Obama are made online, but given the recent missteps of the Secret Service, government officials are now questioning how adept the security team has been at handling them. Lawmakers and private security officials are sceptical about whether the Secret Service can adapt to the new social-media landscape. “I don’t know if they’ve adapted to these new threats,” said Rep. Jason Chaffetz (R-UT), who chairs the House Oversight and Government Reform subcommittee on national security. “The attacks are going to come, no matter what. Are there new and creative ways of detecting them? I’m not convinced they’ve tied those loops.” If the Secret Service can’t stop a man from running with a knife in the White House or prevent an armed felon from getting on an elevator with the president, how can they sort through zillions of social-media postings to determine who is a harmless internet troll and who is a not-so-harmless internet troll with a detailed plan? Washington Post

ISIS militantsThe unnamed war on ISIS and other various terrorist organizations… isn’t going well. According to American intelligence officials, the 46 cruise missiles the U.S. fired last month at a Syrian terrorist cell killed just one or two key militants. The strikes on a compound near Aleppo didn’t do much to deter the Khorasan Group since earlier news reports caused many militants to scatter before the strikes hit, minimizing the missiles’ effect. Meanwhile, ISIS is quickly taking over the Syrian border town of Kobane from the Kurds and are also threatening to overrun a key province in western Iraq. The ISIS invasion has gotten so bad that local residents are fighting back – with tea. Four ISIS militants at a check point in Jalawla, 70 km north east of Baqubah were poisoned by a local resident after he offered them some tea that he had poisoned earlier. Looks like the tea had a higher success rate than the 46 U.S. cruise missiles. AP

Mexico GravesMexi-noooooo! Two weeks after 43 students disappeared in rural southern Mexico after clashes with police, authorities say the suspects have led them to new burial pits and more bodies. Attorney general Jesus Murillo Karam announced on Thursday that the suspects revealed four additional mass graves last weekend in the city of Iguala containing 28 badly burned bodies. Four new suspects were arrested on Thursday, taking the total number of those detained to 34, including 26 police officers. Wait, the police did this? I guess life in Ferguson, Missouri isn’t looking so bad now. Prosecutors attribute the student disappearances to police, who killed six people and wounded at least 25 in two separate attacks in the city of Iguala, after which officers rounded up some protesting students and drove off with them. Police are believed to have turned over the students to a local drug gang that apparently had ties to the family of Iguala’s mayor. Holy Mexican soap opera! BBC News

Ebola Worst Since AIDSEbola is the worst things since unsliced bread AIDS. While speaking before a World Bank forum on the Ebola crisis, CDC Director Thomas Frieden declared that the virus is the worst thing ever – minus AIDS. “I would say that in the 30 years I’ve been working in public health, the only thing like this has been AIDS,” he said, adding that the world needs to work fast to stop the outbreak, which has killed more than 4,000 people, including 200 health workers. Luckily, a prominent “pro-life” Republican in South Carolina has the solution: kill anyone who has Ebola. Unless, of course, they’re a fetus. Todd Kincannon, the former executive director of the South Carolina GOP, took to Twitter to express his views that “people with Ebola in the US need to be humanely put down immediately” and “the protocol for a positive Ebola test should be immediate execution and sanitation of the whole area.” He also blames the spread of Ebola on the people of Africa for: “Eating each other.” NBC News

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Kim Jong Un May Be Suffering From Cheese Induced Gout

Kim Jong Cheese

Kim Jong Un’s mysterious month long absence from the public eye has led to speculation that the North Korean leader’s weakness for cheese has caused a bad case of gout.

The Supreme Leader’s health problems are so severe that even the North Korean media, which typically portrays the isolated nation’s leader as indestructible, has confirmed Kim is “suffering discomfort.”

The admission of “discomfort”, along with a video from July showing the increasingly overweight 31-year-old walking with a slight limp, have fueled the rumour mill.

The Chosun Ilbo, South Korea’s largest newspaper, reported that Kim had fractured both of his ankles and had surgery in Pyongyang in the middle of September to treat them.

“I heard that Kim Jong Un injured his right ankle in June after pushing ahead with on-site visits and ended up fracturing both ankles because he left the injury unattended,” the source was quoted as saying.

Well, that makes sense. Whenever you injure one ankle and leave it unattended, the other one will break itself in a gesture of solidarity. But even with two broken ankles, the Supreme Leader trudged on.

“Despite some discomfort, our Marshal continues to come out and lead the people,” said the narrator of a documentary called “Improving the Lives of the People,” showing footage of Kim limping through the Taedonggang Tile Factory last month.

“His whole body is drenched in sweat, but he does not stop working hard, instead showing concern for the health of the other workers.”

Other non-propaganda commenters have guessed that Kim has gout, which runs in the family, as well as obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol partially brought on by an excessive cheese habit. The North Korean dictator is known to send representatives around the world in search of high-quality cheese after acquiring a taste for it while studying in Switzerland. In fact, some rumours have gone so far as to suggest that Kim got so fat from eating cheese that his ankles simply gave out.

Meanwhile, the rest of the impoverished country continues to starve.

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North Korea Not Pleased with Kim Jong Un Parody Dance

Kim Jong Angry Parody Dance

In between eating expired meat and worrying about catching the bubonic plague, the Chinese have come up with a parody video featuring a fake Kim Jong Un dancing and fighting his way through a series of absurd situations.

The parody video shows Kim Jong Un being kicked to the ground by President Obama after pirouetting through a ballet studio, dancing with Russian President Vladimir Putin, doing “the Carleton”, and acting as a dance-loving member of the grounds crew at a baseball game.

The video, which first appeared on the Chinese video-sharing site Tencent, quickly became popular in China – but not so much in North Korea.

According to the Chosun Ilbo, a South Korean newspaper, officials in Pyongyang are reportedly furious about the 3 and a half minute video because it “seriously compromises Kim’s dignity and authority.” I think his haircut alone is enough to compromise his dignity, but whatever.

The newspaper goes on to say that after North Korea asked China to stop the video from spreading, “Beijng was unable to oblige.” Unable or unwilling?

If mocking a dancing Kim Jong Un is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

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North Korea Threatens War Over Seth Rogan Movie

North Korea The Interview

Once again, North Korea has promised “merciless” retaliation over something trivial – or as the rest of the world calls it: just another Thursday.

In what may be the best viral marketing campaign ever, North Korea has threatened war if an upcoming Hollywood movie starring Seth Rogan and James Franco is released.

Surprisingly the threat of war does not come from poor casting choices. Instead, North Korea is upset over the action-comedy’s plot, which centers around killing Kim Jong-un. The film, titled The Interview, is about two talk show hosts who are invited to interview Kim Jong-un, and are subsequently recruited by the CIA to assassinate the North Korean leader. Although the movie won’t be out until October, the teaser trailer shows a lookalike actor playing Kim Jong-un as well as a bunch of action scenes set in Pyongyang.

Kim Jong-un was not impressed.

“Making and releasing a movie on a plot to hurt our top-level leadership is the most blatant act of terrorism and war and will absolutely not be tolerated,” a North Korean spokesman raged.

“If the US administration allows and defends the showing of the film, a merciless counter-measure will be taken.”

Well, clearly no one in North Korea has seen Team America: World Police, starring a lonely Kim Jong-il puppet – or all those episodes of 30 Rock, featuring Kim Jong-il as “the greatest waiter of all time” and Kim Jong-il as the greatest weatherman of all time.

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North Korea Calls President Obama a “Wicked Black Monkey”

Obama and MOnkey

Someone’s not a fan of President Obama, but this time it’s not a Republican – it’s Kim Jong Un!

In a series of articles published last Friday, the North Korean media went on an extremely racist and somewhat offensive tirade against the US President. The government controlled media called President Obama a “wicked black monkey,” a “clown,” a “dirty fellow” and somebody who “does not even have the basic appearances of a human being.” Wow – they just out-Sterlinged Donald Sterling. Will Kim Jong Un be forced to sell North Korea now?

“As I watch him more closely, I realize that he looks like an African native monkey with a black face, gaunt grey eyes, cavate nostrils, plump mouth and hairy rough ears,” one article said.

“It would be perfect for Obama to live with a group of monkeys in the world’s largest African natural zoo and lick the breadcrumbs thrown by spectators.”

But Dennis Rodman is still A-Okay. He looks more like an alien than a monkey anyway.

Now, this type of offensive rhetoric is a huge departure from the North Korean government’s usual commitment to sane and civilized criticism of international leaders… oh no, wait, Obama bashing is actually pretty standard.

The White House typically ignores the rhetorical excesses of the North Korean regime, chalking it up to good old-fashioned dictatorial brainwashing tactics – but this time Kim Jong Un went too far.

“While the North Korean Government-controlled media are distinguished by their histrionics, these comments are particularly ugly and disrespectful,” Caitlin Hayden, a spokeswoman for the National Security Council, said in a statement.

But North Koreans aren’t being racist; they just know that the ideal physical type is a pale, chubby 5-foot Asian man with an awkward haircut. In fact, they believe it’s Americans who are the racist ones.

In response to a United Nations report on North Korea’s human rights violations, the official Korean Central News Agency released a report of their own titled “News Analysis on Poor Human Rights Records in U.S.” The article refers to the U.S. as “the world’s worst human right abuser and tundra of a human being’s rights to existence” and accuses the U.S. of being a “kingdom of racial discrimination”.

The North Korean report makes the following points:

  • “Under the citizenship act, racialism is getting more severe in the U.S. The gaps between the minorities and the whites are very wide in the exercise of such rights to work and elect.”
  • “The U.S. true colors as a kingdom of racial discrimination was fully revealed by last year’s case that the Florida Court gave a verdict of not guilty to a white policeman who shot to death an innocent black boy.”
  • “That’s why 52 percent of the Americans have said that racism still exists in the country while 46 percent contended that all sorts of discrimination would be everlasting.”

Well, they got a few of the Zimmerman facts mixed up, but the article does have a few good points. Still, at least you don’t hear Americans going around calling black people “wicked black monkeys” – unless, of course,  you happen to find yourself on a Nevada ranch or at an LA Clippers game.

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North Korean Students Required To Get Kim Jong Un Haircut

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un Haircut

The hairdo known as the “Chinese smuggler haircut” currently sported by dictator Kim Jong-un (aka North Korea’s “The Rachel”), is now a requirement for male university students.

According to less than reputable reports, the state-sanctioned haircut guideline was introduced in the capital Pyongyang about two weeks ago and is now being rolled out across the country.

North Korea has always been pretty strict about their haircuts. The North Korean government has recommended a generous range of 28 hairstyles for its citizens (18 styles for women and 10 for men), claiming that they are “the most comfortable” styles and capable of warding off the corrupting effects of capitalism. But now they’re adding one more haircut so stylish that it has become mandatory for all male students: The Kim Jong Un.

Kim Jong Un’s stylish do is commonly associated with Chinese smugglers and is definitely…. unique. But it’s still better than Kim Jong-il’s bouffant hairstyle, which he sported to make him appear taller.

But is this another addition to the long list of ridiculous news stories about North Korea that will later turn out to be fake? Remember the story of Kim Jong Un’s uncle being fed to starving dogs? Or the one where Kim Jong Un executed his girlfriend for making sex tapes? Or the one where Dennis Rodman sang Happy Birthday to the North Korean dictator Marilyn Monroe style? Oh wait, that last one was true.

Some North Korean enthusiasts say the story is likely false.

 “Kim Jong Un’s haircut is a very particular one, shaved up the sides to make him look like Kim Il Sung did when he was in his 30s,” Bruce Cumings, an expert in Korean history from the University of Chicago, says.

“If many young men are shaving their sideburns to look like Kim Jong Un, it is probably an attempt to show how loyal they are to the leadership.”

Adam Cathcart, a Lecturer in Chinese History at University of Leeds who is also editor of the SinoNK Web site, agrees.

“Haircuts are somewhat generational. To my knowledge, there was no ‘decree’ about getting hair cut significantly shorter just above the ears than had previously been the norms, but more and more young non-military men seemed to do it, and after [Kim’s uncle Jang Sung Taek-taek]’s execution there has appeared to be more such haircuts of such styled people shown on state media, at any rate,” Cathcart says.

“But no one has ‘the’ haircut except for Kim Jong Un, since it’s getting higher and higher and is practically a mohawk [now].”

Well, there’s only one way to find out the truth:

Step 1: Travel to Pyongyang.

Step 2: Look around.

If all of North Korea is having a bad hair day, then the rumours are true.

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North Korea “Elections”: Kim Jong Un Wins With 100% Of The Vote!

Kim Jong Wins North Korea Elections

North Koreans went to the polls on Sunday to vote in the first parliamentary elections under Kim Jong Un’s regime. Not surprisingly, 100% of the voters in Kim Jong Un’s district decided not to be sent to prison camps and elected Kim Jong Un to the highest legislative body in North Korea, the Supreme People’s Assembly.

Every five years, North Koreans head to the ballot box and vote in one of 687 districts, each of which has only one candidate as an option. Voters are required to write “yes” or “no” on the ballot. Write “yes” and you live, write “no” and it’s prison camp time. But this year no one will be hauled off to a prison camp (well, not for voting related reasons at least) because Kim received 100% approval from his Mount Paektu constituency.

“This is an expression of all the service personnel and people’s absolute support and profound trust in supreme leader Kim Jong Un as they single-mindedly remain loyal to him,” the state-run Korean Central News Agency said.

Although the results for the other candidates haven’t been officially announced yet, in the last elections in 2009, the North Korean government reported 99 percent turnout and 100 percent voter support for the given candidates. I think it’s safe to say we can expect the same this time around. Not that the sort of elections even matter – The Supreme People’s Assembly rarely meets and in practice it has little power. The democratic process works!

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Another Kim Jong Execution

Current Event Cat - Kim Jong Execute

After executing his once-powerful uncle, Jang Song-thaek, for allegedly attempting to overthrow his regime and only half-heartedly clapping when he became vice-chairman of the Central Military Commission, Kim Jong Un ordered all of Jang’s direct relatives to be executed.

Well, not all of his relatives…. I think his nephew Kim Jong Un was spared.

Jang Song-thaek, North Korea’s #2 in command, was executed last month as tensions between him and his nephew Kim Jong Un grew. Adding insult to injury/execution, Kim Jong Un referred to Jang as “worse than a dog” and “human scum” in the official announcement of his death – which was officially attributed to treachery, betrayal, and of course half-hearted clapping. Doesn’t everybody know THIS is how you’re supposed to clap??!

But apparently the execution of Jang Song-thaek wasn’t enough, so the North Korean dictator had all of his direct relatives murdered, including children and ambassadors to Cuba and Malaysia.

According to South Korea’s state news agency, Yonhap, the executed relatives included Jang’s sister Kye-sun, her husband and ambassador to Cuba, Jon Yong-jin, the ambassador to Malaysia, Jang Yong-chol, who is Jang’s nephew, as well as his two sons. Plus a bunch of underage children and grandchildren of the relatives listed above.

“Extensive executions have been carried out for relatives of Jang Song-thaek,” an anonymous source (Kim Jong Un?) told Yonhap. “All relatives of Jang have been put to death, including even children.”

According to “multiple sources”, some victims were dragged out of their houses and were shot dead “in front of other people”. Others, who were only related to Jang through marriage, got off easy and were only exiled to remote villages.

Yonhap’s report has not yet been 100% confirmed and they may have a slight anti-North Korean bias so this story may end up being a sequel to the untrue rumour that Kim Jong Un executed his uncle by feeding his to starving dogs.

BUT there are several clues that suggest this might be true:

First, Yonhap did get the first scoop on Jang Song-thaek’s execution before it was announced by the North Korea media.

Second, the ambassadors reported to be dead were spotted en-route to North Korea after being called back from their overseas postings shortly after Jang was purged from the party.

Third, North Korea is pretty big into the whole “guilt-by-association” thing.

Fourth, crazier things have happened in North Korea. Such as Dennis Rodman singing a tone-deaf version of Happy Birthday to Kim Jong Un Marilyn Monroe style… so you never know.

Via: Al Jazeera

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Dennis Rodman Singing Happy Birthday

Current Event Cat - Rodman Happy Birthday

He’s no Marilyn Monroe, but Dennis Rodman led a stunning rendition of Happy Birthday to North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, which was slightly more coherent than his recent interview on CNN.

Dennis Rodman and a bunch of former NBA players he recruited (who are probably already regretting their decision) are in North Korea to play basketball in honour of Kim Jong Un’s birthday. The US basketball star sang Happy Birthday to Kim Jong Un in front of a crowd of thousands in the capital before leading the squad of former NBA stars in a friendly game of basketball. Rodman, who is apparently tone deaf, stopped short of going into the “how old are you now” verse, as the North Korean leader’s official birthday and age have never been confirmed.

But the crowd in the Pyongyang Indoor Stadium ate it up, clapping and waving as Rodman sang Happy Birthday to his self-proclaimed “best friend”. It is not clear yet whether the audience was clapping because they loved the song or if they were clapping because not doing so would be instant execution.

rodman koreaTo keep the game friendly, the Americans played against the North Korean team in the first half, but split up and merged teams for the second half. Presumably the Americans let the North Koreans will the first half, as they scored 47 points to 39. Rodman opted to only play the first half and spent the rest of the match sitting next to the birthday boy.

“A lot of people have expressed different views about me and your leader, your marshal, and I take that as a compliment,” Rodman told the crowd. “Yes, he is a great leader, he provides for his people here in this country and thank God the people here love the marshal.”

Rodman, who is on his fourth trip to North Korea in a much ridiculed “basketball diplomacy” mission, is no stranger to controversy. Tattoos and piercings aside, Rodman has been criticized for being chummy chummy with Kim Jong Un given his less than stellar human rights record and constant nuclear threats.

In a recent interview with CNN, Rodman was once again pressed about using his sway over Kim Jong Un to help release Kenneth Bae, a Korean-American sentenced to 15 years’ hard labour in May 2013. In an incoherent ramble, a visibly angry Rodman seemed to imply that Bae was at fault for being held captive, telling CNN’s Chris Cuomo:

“The one thing about politics, Kenneth Bae did one thing. If you understand, if you understand what Kenneth Bae did. Do you understand what he did? In this country? You tell me. You tell me. Why is he held captive?”

I wonder what he’ll be saying when Kim Jong Un finally gets bored of his new toy and locks him up in a labour camp?

Via: CTV News

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Was Kim Jong Un’s Uncle Eaten Alive by Starved Dogs?

Kim Uncle Starved Dogs

Probably not, but a Hong Kong newspaper aligned with China’s Communist Party is claiming that North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un’s once-powerful uncle was executed by being stripped naked, thrown into a cage, and eaten alive by 120 starved dogs.

Kim’s uncle, the once-powerful Jang Song Thaek, was executed on December 12, and although it had been previously reported that he had been shot by a firing squad, the method of execution was never officially confirmed. Until now…?

According to the less than reputable report, published in the less than reputable Wen Wei Po newspaper, instead of being executed via a normal firing squad like every other political prisoner, Uncle Jang was stripped of his clothes and thrown into a cage, along with his five closest aides. Then 120 hounds, starved for three days, were allowed to prey on the prisoners until they were completely eaten up. Or what the North Koreans call “quan jue”, or execution by starved dogs. The “quan jue” supposedly lasted an hour with Kim Jong Un and 300 other senior officials supervising the massacre.

Wen Wei Po’s account of how Kim Jong Un finished off his uncle, Jang Song Thaek, seems a little far-fetched – even for North Korea, a country led by a demented child with nuclear access. But the Wen Wei Po article, which has been picked up by many major news agencies, does reveal two things: China is willing to bad mouth North Korea and North Korea isn’t the only country who likes to spice up a news story with a little propaganda.

The only way to truly verify the story is to head into a Chinese Walmart and check if there’s any Jang Song Thaek DNA in their five-spice dog meat.

Via: USA Today

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