Tag Archives: News of the Stupid

Indian Guru Has The Balls To Convince 400 Men To Cut Off Their Balls

Indian Guru

A popular Indian guru and head of the Dera Sacha Sauda spiritual group has been accused of coaxing hundreds of men to castrate themselves in a promise for them to become closer to God.

Gurmeet Ram Rahim Singh, who describes himself on Twitter as a “spiritual Saint/philanthropist/versatile singer/allrounder sportsperson/film director/art director/music director/script writer/lyricist/autobiographer/DOP” and has a reported wealth of more than $50 million, somehow convinced 400 of his estimated 50 million followers that only those who get castrated will be able to meet God. Surely there must be an easier – and less painful – way?? Apparently not.

The Indian pop-star and telepreacher is now being investigated after one of his former followers who underwent castration seven years ago spoke out against the guru and his group.

Navkiran Singh, who is the lawyer for Hans Raj Chauhan, the only castration victim so far to come forward, said his client and other victims believed they would become social outcasts if they refused to perform the “operation” demanded of them by Ram Rahim Singh.

Chauhan says the castrations began around 2000 and the painful procedures were carried out at a hospital owned by Singh in the Hanumangarh district of Rajasthan.

While the castrations didn’t bring the men any closer to God, it did stop 400 idiots from ever reproducing again, so there were some benefits. Plus, it should help India cut back on the number of rapes that occur every year day minute.

As for the guru himself, I’m willing to bet that he still has his balls – especially since he has been accused of sexual assault by female followers.

To hear more about the millionaire guru, check out his spectacular new movie, Messenger of God, in which he appears to walk on air, tear tree trunks in half and perform other miracles. Warning: you may be tempted to chop your balls off after.

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Sarah Palin Gets in a Dogfight with PETA

Sarah Palin Dogfight with PETA

Sarah Palin is telling PETA to “chill” after the animal rights organization flipped out over photos she posted last week showing her son Trig stepping on the family dog to reach the kitchen sink.

Along with the pictures of the six-year-old using the family dog’s spine as a chair, Palin spewed out some words of wisdom:

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Trig is 6 years old and is a Down Syndrome kid to boot, so using the family dog, oddly named Jill Hadassah, as a booster was probably as innocent as it was instinctive. But taking pictures of your kid doing that because “lol it’s cute” instead of teaching them what is, and what is not, appropriate to climb on? Well, that’s kind of stupid, but it’s hardly breaking news that Sarah Palin made a bad decision.

But much like Sarah Palin, PETA is not one to miss out on an opportunity to bring attention to itself. The organization, outraged that the most intelligent member of the Palin household was being abused, screamed ANIMAL CRUELTY to whoever would listen.

“It’s odd that anyone — let alone a mother — would find it appropriate to post such a thing, with no apparent sympathy for the dog in the photo,” PETA President Ingrid Newkirk said in a statement on Friday. “Then again, PETA, along with everyone else, is used to the hard-hearted, seeming obliviousness of this bizarrely callous woman,” Newkirk said, referring to a 2008 incident where Sarah Palin gave an interview at a farm while turkeys were slaughtered in the background.

Sarah Palin took to Facebook to respond to PETA’s harsh words (and throw a little shade at President Obama while she’s at it…)

“Dear PETA,

Chill. At least Trig didn’t eat the dog,” Palin wrote.

“Did you go as crazy when your heroic Man-of-Your-Lifetime, Barack Obama, revealed he actually enjoyed eating dead dog meat?”

Obama DogYes, it’s true that in President Barack Obama’s bestselling memoir “Dreams From My Father,” Obama writes of eating dog meat when he was a little boy in Indonesia, describing the taste as “tough”. But going from “Obama tried dog as a child during his travels in Indonesia” to “Obama actively enjoys eating dog,” is a pretty big leap. Plus, it’s not like he strapped his family dog’s crate to the roof of the car for a 12-hour drive from Massachusetts to Canada because there was no room in the car and when the dog suffered the runs during the trip he pulled over to hose off the dog and the car…. I believe that was 1983 Mitt Romney.

Anyways, Mama Grizzly continued her PETA tirade:

“Aren’t you the same anti-beef screamers blogging hate from your comfy leather office chairs, wrapped in your fashionable leather belts above your kickin’ new leather pumps you bought because your celebrity idols (who sport fur and crocodile purses) grinned in a tabloid wearing the exact same Louboutins exiting sleek cowhide covered limo seats on their way to some liberal fundraiser shindig at some sushi bar that features poor dead smelly roe (that I used to strip from our Bristol Bay-caught fish, and in a Dillingham cannery I packed those castoff fish eggs for you while laughing with co-workers about the suckers paying absurdly high prices to party with the throw away parts of our wild seafood)? I believe you call those discarded funky eggs “caviar”.

Yeah, you’re real credible on this, PETA. A shame, because I’ll bet we agree on what I hope is the true meaning of your mission – respecting God’s creation and critters.

Our pets, including Trig’s best buddy Jill Hadassah, are loved, spoiled and cared for more than some people care for their fellow man whose politics may not mesh with nonsensical liberally failed ways or don’t fit your flighty standards.

Jill is a precious part of our world. So is Trig.”

Instead of “chilling”, the organization responded by saying that Sarah Palin “knows PETA about as well as she knows geography.”

Since choosing sides in the Sarah Palin/PETA fight is like choosing between… well, Sarah Palin and PETA, I’ll just leave you with this fun trivia tidbit: the Palin family dog is named after Joe Biden’s wife, Jill, and Joe Lieberman’s wife, Hadassah. WTF?!?

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And the Teacher of the Year Award Goes to…

Bad Teacher

It’s a tie! Between the sixth-grade teacher who made students draw a Venn diagram comparing George W. Bush and Adolf Hitler and the elementary school teacher in Utah who accidentally shot herself in the leg while in a restroom at the school.

A sixth-grade teacher at a Washington, D.C., middle school is in trouble after telling students to make comparisons between former president George W. Bush and Adolf Hitler for a class project, stating that “both men abused their powers.” Now, I’m no George Bush fan club member, but Hitler’s a pretty rough comparison – and comparing the two is a bit of a heavy assignment for 12 year-olds.

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Turns out several parents felt the same way.

“I think trying to compare Adolf Hitler to an America president is just not right,” one parent said. “I didn’t agree with Mr. Bush or his policies, but that was over the line.”

Bush HitlerIn a written statement, D.C. Public Schools said that the teacher acknowledged poor judgment and will apologize to students. Sadly, no one will get to see what the young 12-year-old minds came up with… they both enjoy painting?

Next up: A Utah elementary school teacher who accidentally shot herself in the leg when her concealed weapon discharged in a faculty bathroom. The teacher at Westbrook Elementary School was severely injured when the bullet entered and exited her leg. She was rushed to a hospital where she is now in good condition.

The teacher was a concealed-carry permit holder, and school district policy her allowed to have a gun on campus. Apparently Utah is among the few states that allow people with concealed weapons permits to carry guns in public schools. According to state law, schools must allow teachers with permits to carry firearms, because if there was ever a place where a loaded gun was needed, it’s an elementary school in Utah.

Okay, this teacher (and the entire state of Utah) win this competition hands down. Actually, better to keep your hands up, the elementary school teachers are packing.

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Plane Rage is all the Rage Thanks to the Knee Defender

Plane Rage

Plane rage is quickly becoming more popular than shooting unarmed black teenagers. In the last week, the fight for knee space has caused several irate passengers to fly into an uncontrollable rage, forcing three flights to be diverted.

The first fight started last Sunday on a United Airlines flight from Newark to Denver because one passenger was using the Knee Defender, a $21.95 gadget that attaches to a passenger’s tray table and prevents the person in front of them from reclining. A male passenger, seated in a middle seat of row 12, used the Knee Defender to stop the woman in front of him from reclining while he was on his laptop. The woman was not pleased. A flight attendant then asked the man to remove the device, which United Airlines prohibits, but he refused. This was enough to send the woman into a plane rage. She then stood up, turned around and threw a cup of water at him. The fight then escalated to the point where the airline decided to divert to Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport, before continuing on to Denver without the troublesome two. Oddly enough, both unruly passengers were sitting in United’s Economy Plus section, the part of the plane that has four more inches of legroom than the rest of coach.

The second serious airline legroom argument this week occurred on Wednesday, forcing an American Airlines Paris flight bound for Miami to make an unscheduled stop at Logan International Airport in Boston. Edmund Alexandre, 61, of Paris became enraged when the passenger in front of him reclined her seat. Alexandre allegedly “began arguing with another passenger and became disruptive.” When a flight attendant tried to calm him down, Alexandre proceeded to chase him down the aisle. It was at that point that federal air marshals on the flight broke cover and subdued and restrained Alexandre. The angry passenger was arrested at the airport and was charged with interfering with an airline flight crew.

The third incident of knee-space induced plane rage happened on Monday night when a Delta Air Lines flight from New York to West Palm Beach, Florida, was diverted to Jacksonville after a dispute broke out between passengers over a reclining seat. A woman was trying to recline her seat while the passenger behind her was trying to sleep on the tray table. The woman who was trying to sleep started screaming. A flight attendant came over and the woman who was screaming demanded that the flight be diverted – and apparently that’s all it takes for a plane to be diverted.

Knee Defenders: So good or no good?

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But are all plane diversions the result of knee-space disputes? Not in Canada.

A couple of drunken women partied a little too hard on their Sunwing Airlines Flight from Toronto to Varadero, Cuba and the flight was escorted back to Toronto Pearson International Airport by two CF-18 fighter jets Wednesday night. The two women, both in their mid-twenties, had allegedly “consumed a significant quantity of their duty-free alcohol purchase in the lavatory and lit a cigarette.” After they triggered the smoke alarm, they go in a “physical altercation with each other” and allegedly threatened to do something to the plane, which triggered Canadian military jet escorts and an immediate return trip home. The crew called their threats “non-credible” given their drunken condition, but procedure called for the captain to make a U-turn and head back to Toronto – much to the dismay of the other vacation-bound passengers and the taxpayers footing the bill for the two CF-18 fighter jets to escort two drunk girls back to their trailers.

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When Taking a Gun Selfie, Remember: Don’t Pull the Trigger

Gun Selfie

A 21-year-old Mexican man who posed for a gun selfie died shortly after shooting himself in the head by accident.

Oscar Aguilar was no stranger to the selfie. His Facebook page showed him posing in front of sports cars, sitting on motorbikes and hugging semi-attractive women. But things went horribly wrong when he decided to give his Facebook friends a little taste of the infamous gun selfie after he had been drinking with pals in Mexico City last weekend. Unfortunately, instead of becoming a big shot on social media, Oscar just ended up shot.

“I heard a gunshot, and then I heard somebody screaming and realized somebody had been hurt. I called the police straight away and when they arrived they found that he was still alive,” neighbor Manfredo Paez Paez said.

Police say he failed to realize the gun was loaded when he began snapping pictures of himself waving it about.

The 21-year-old died on the way to hospital in Mexico City. Sad, but on the bright side, Oscar is currently in the running for the coveted 2014 Darwin Award. It’s a tight race between him and that Florida kid who almost died lighting himself ablaze for the popular social media fire challenge.

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How Dare 911 Operators Take Calls From Non-English Speakers!

Fox and Friends NOn-English Speakers 911

The folks over at Fox & Friends were shocked and appalled this week after they learned that emergency responders were “forced” to serve non-English speakers in life-threatening situations – even if the callers were suspected of entering the country illegally!

On Wednesday’s show, the Fox friends began a lighthearted discussion on how undocumented Non-English speaking immigrants in Brooks County, Texas are “bombarding” the police department with 911 calls – which quickly devolved into Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade screaming “No English? No emergency!!”

“They stumbled across the border illegally and now they need your help!” Fox News host Steve Doocy complained, after hearing a 911 call where a distressed Spanish-speaking male requests emergency assistance for his cousin, whom the man described as “turning purple.”

“A small Texas town forced to answer 911 from stranded illegals in Spanish!” Doocy exclaimed, apparently giving up all his previously held pro-life values.

“Not only are they understaffed and lacking resources, now they’ve got to deal with illegal immigrants who have no business being here,” co-host Brian Kilmeade chimed in.

How Doocy and Kilmeade know that all the Spanish-speaking people in Texas who call 911 are “illegal immigrants who have no business being here” is still unclear. All we know is that they couldn’t possibly be Spanish-speaking Americans with an emergency or tourists trying to get help – because that wouldn’t fit into the Fox & Friends agenda.

Unfortunately for the Fox duo, Brooks County Chief Deputy Urbino “Benny” Martinez says that his department has a duty to respond to all 911 calls, regardless of language or citizenship.

“They’re on U.S. soil. Due process comes into play, and that’s the way we’re taking them as,” Martinez said.

And even worse for the Fox friends, Martinez referred to the influx of migrants as a “humanitarian crisis” (as opposed to some kind of Mexican invasion) and urged a bipartisan dialogue to swiftly address the problem.

“Forget about the Republican side, forget about the Democratic side. Sit down and have a sincere dialogue where they can actually resolve this issue,” he said. “It has to be resolved. As long as they keep stalling it, it’s going to continue until our funds are depleted.”

Humanitarian crisis? Bipartisan dialogue? Get this sheriff off the show!

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American Exchange Student Gets Trapped in Giant Vagina Statue

Trapped in Giant Vagina Statue

More than 20 firefighters stepped in to rescue a U.S. student trapped inside giant vagina statue in Germany.

So many questions: How did he get in? Why is there a giant vagina statue on a University campus? Will he be charged with statutory rape?

On Friday afternoon, a young American exchange student in Tübingen, Germany climbed into a 32-ton vagina statue as part of a dare. Before he knew it, he found himself trapped in a giant stone vagina surrounded by 20 firefighters, five fire engines, a number of paramedics and a bunch of gawking of students holding camera phones.

The firefighters had to deliver the American student (head-first, of course) to safety after his feet became trapped in the large marble sculpture. Police confirmed the rescue was successfully undertaken “by hand and without the use of equipment”. Ahh, the old pull-out method.

The “born again” student was unharmed by the incident but will forever be known as that foreign kid who got stuck in a stone vulva thanks to some camera ready friends who snapped a few incriminating pictures.

“The fire department was not really amused, and he was really embarrassed,” one witness said after he uploaded some pictures of his red-faced pal on Reddit.

The Chacán-Pi (Making Love) artwork by the Peruvian artist Fernando de la Jara is meant to signify “the gateway to the world”. But in the 13 years the statue has sat outside the university’s institute for microbiology and virology, never once has someone become trapped inside the giant vulva – until last Friday. And that was when the Tübingen Unversity began to reconsider its American exchange program

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Pay-To-Pee Program Leaves Multiple Children with Wet Pants

Pee Pants Potty

A third grade teacher in Vancouver, Washington instituted a new bathroom policy in which students must pay to pee. Not surprising, multiple children wet themselves.

Under the new pee policy, third grade students at Mill Plain Elementary could earn fictional money by doing their homework or being nice to others. The play money could later be used to buy things like popcorn, small toys, pointless crap or a bathroom pass.

Like most 8-year-olds would, the children decided their money was better spent on treats than trips to the bathroom. The result? Wet pants.

For some reason, after the first kid wet themselves, the teacher didn’t think “hmm, maybe this pee policy was a bad idea…” and the program continued. The result? Another pair of wet pants.

The two soaking wet students, both girls, told their parents they wet their pants because they hadn’t accumulated enough pretend classroom money to pay for privilege. Cue parental outrage.

“I’m so angry!” one parent told KATU.com, explaining that her daughter wanted to buy popcorn like her friends, and was told she couldn’t use the bathroom if she didn’t want to pay. “When a child has to pay money to use the bathroom…It’s inhumane. That’s a health issue. This is a school. This isn’t a jail. This isn’t a prison. We send our kids to school to learn and to get a good education.”

“What kid is going to spend money to go to the bathroom?” another parent vented. “No child should have to pay to use the restroom. Are you kidding me? That’s absolutely insane.”

The pretend money was designed to teach students about the value of money, but with the alarming high imaginary price of $50 for toilet time, the only lesson is taught students was to hold it in or fight for your right to potty.

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Tennessee Man Makes an Unusual ATM Deposit (Spoiler Alert: It’s Semen)

A woman using an ATM

An intoxicated Tennessee man was arrested after attempting to have sex with an ATM.

Police is Murfreesboro, Tennessee charged Lonnie J. Hutton, 49, with public intoxication over the weekend after he got a little too handsy with an ATM following a night of drinking at his local watering hole, the Boro Bar & Grille.

“Mr. Hutton entered the bar and walked to the ATM,” said Officer Michael Rickard. “Once at the ATM, Mr. Hutton pulled down his pants and underwear exposing his genitals, Mr. Hutton then attempted to have sexual intercourse with the ATM.”

Officers arrived on the scene as Lonnie was strutting around the bar sans pants. Noting that the naked man smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech, bloodshot eyes, and was unsteady on his feet, the officers took him outside and ordered him to sit at a wooden picnic table.

But the night didn’t end with Lonnie thrusting his hips into an automated banking machine…

“Once outside Mr. Hutton again exposed himself and engaged in sexual intercourse with the wooden picnic table,” Rickard said.

Lonnie was charged with public intoxication and taken to the Rutherford County jail on $250 bond where he presumably spent the night picking splinters and dollar bills out of his penis.

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Fox News Uses Footage of Random Sad Asians Instead of South Korean Mourners

Fox News Random Sad Asians Footage

Instead of using footage of actual Korean mourners when reporting on the South Korean ferry tragedy, Fox News mistakenly used some other footage they had on file of what appeared to be a bunch of random sad Asians.

With the ferry death toll standing at 248, you’d think there would abundance of footage of grieving South Korean families, but Fox News, assuming that once you’ve seen one sad Asian, you’ve seen them all, opted for a clip of some seemingly random Asians crying, ignoring the actual footage of grieving families who lost loved ones in the sinking of the Sewol ferry.

The only problem? The mourners they showed weren’t even Korean. The Fox footage turned out to be Tibetans mourning following the recent avalanche at Mt. Everest. Classic mistake!

“You show that to any sort of Korean immigrant who lives in the United States, and they’ll say those aren’t Koreans,” said Rick Phillips of the Korean Cultural Center in Los Angeles.

Fox News, surprised that its viewers could actually tell the difference between Asian variations, admitted its screw-up.

“The wrong video was mistakenly pulled from the international feed. We regret this error and have corrected the footage online and will address it on air, as well,” says David Clark, Fox News’s executive producer for weekend news and programming.

But in their defense, Fox isn’t the only news outlet to screw up their video footage.

A Danish news station once showed an image from the video game Assassin’s Creed, apparently mistaking it for the Damascus skyline. And on another occasion, the BBC tried to report on the UN Security Council, but ended up showing the logo from the United Nations Space Command in Microsoft’s Halo. Oops.

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