Tag Archives: Norway

Norwegian Boy Pretends He’s A Dwarf To Avoid Getting Driving Underage… Then Gets Caught Again

Boy or Dwarf?

A ten-year-old Norwegian boy came up with a… creative… excuse after he drove his parents’ car into a snowy ditch; he told the cops he was a dwarf who forgot his license.

“No Officer, I’m not a 10-year-old boy out on a joy ride, I’m obviously a dwarf…”

Two weeks ago, the young boy put his 18-month old sister in the family car while his parents were still sleeping and headed out towards Grandma’s house. However, he only managed to drive 10 kilometers before veering off the road and ending up in a snowy ditch. Still, not bad for a 10-year-old. A snowplow driver saw the car and alerted the police. When the police showed up they found that the children were not injured, the car was not damaged, but the parents were a little worried.

“The parents woke up and discovered that the children were missing and that someone had taken off with their car. They were pretty upset, as you can imagine,” said Baard Christiansen, a spokesman for the Vest Oppland police district.

“The boy told the snowplow driver that he was a dwarf and that he had forgotten his driver’s license at home.”

Police said no charges would be filed and the case was closed.

“We have talked to [the parents], and I’m pretty sure they’re going to pay very close attention both to their children and to their car keys in the future,” Christiansen said.

WRONG.  Apparently Junior didn’t learn his lesson because fast forward two weeks and he’s done it again. For Round 2, the boy stole his aunt’s car and drove about 35 kilometers before his parents called the police and they pulled him over.

“He is a boy who likes adventure and excitement, that’s all there is to it,” his mother said.

They sound like great parents…

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Norwegian Mass Murderer Threatens To Go On A Hunger Strike Unless He Gets PlayStation 3

Anders Breivik PlayStation

Norwegian killer Anders Breivik is displeased with his “torture”-like conditions in jail and is threatening to go on a hunger strike unless the prison officials improve his PlayStation situation.

Breivik, who killed 77 people, most of them children at a Youth camp in 2011, is currently serving out his 21-year sentence – the maximum you can get in Norway. Sick of his “torturous conditions”, the right-wing extremist wrote a letter prison authorities back in November demanding more luxuries.

Included in Breivik’s list of 12 demands were better conditions for his daily walk, an end to daily physical searches, the right to communicate more freely with the outside world, the doubling of his weekly allowance ($49) to pay for postage stamps, and the right to PlayStation 3.  You know, basic human rights.

Breivik argued that he should have the right to a wider “selection of activities” than other inmates to compensate for his strict isolation. Therefore, all of his PlayStation 2 games consoles should be upgraded to a Playstation 3 “with access to more adult games that I get to choose myself”.

“Other inmates have access to video games for adults while I can only play the less interesting children video games. One example is ‘Rayman Revolution,’ a game designed for 3-year-olds,” the 35-year-old killer wrote.

Life is so unfair. But considering the serial killer admitted he played the game “Call of Duty” to train himself for the mass shooting at the youth group camp, maybe adult video games are not the best choice.

Breivik also complained that his chair is “painful,” and requested a more comfortable sofa or armchair  as well as a PC instead of his “worthless typewriter with technology dating back to 1873.” Who does he think he is, Mariah Carey? What a diva.

Anyways, the months came and went and Breivik quickly realized that his demands were not going to be met. Time for a hunger strike!

In the letter dated January 29, Breivik wrote that since there has not been any real improvement in his prison conditions, a hunger strike would be “one of the only” options he had.

“You’ve put me in hell … and I won’t manage to survive that long. You are killing me,” he wrote, brandishing the threat of a hunger strike.

“The hunger strike won’t end until the Minister of Justice [Anders] Anundsen and the head of the KDI [the Norwegian Correctional Services] stop treating me worse than an animal,” he said.

Yeah, even animals get PlayStation 3 – if not 4! And here I thought Norway was soft on crime. Finally, the truth comes out!

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Norwegian Army Introduces Meatless Mondays to Save the Climate

Meatless Mondays Norwegian Army

In an ongoing effort to reduce the military’s carbon footprint, Norway has announced its soldiers will be put on a vegetarian diet once a week. Introducing: Meatless Mondays!

Meatless Mondays is meant to cut the country’s consumption of ecologically unfriendly foods whose production contributes heavily to global warming. Apparently livestock farming is responsible for 18 percent of global greenhouse gas emissions so cutting back on meat consumption could help stem global warming.

The stench from the barracks will be less than pleasant, but the Norwegian army’s war on climate change is estimated to cut meat consumption by 150 tonnes per year.

“It’s a step to protect our climate. The idea is to serve food that’s respectful of the environment,” spokesman Eystein Kvarving told AFP.

“It’s not about saving money,” Kvarving addded. “It’s about being more concerned for our climate, more ecologically friendly and also healthier.”

Meatless Mondays are already in effect in one of Norway’s main military bases and soon the program will be rolled out to other Nor-vegan soldiers, including those in overseas bases. Something tells me this would not go over well in America’s military…

Note to self: Norwegian army weakened. Attack on a Monday.

Via: The Local 

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12 Hour Knitting Marathon Becomes Norwegian TV Sensation

Norwegian Knitting

Over one million Norwegians (so… all Norwegians?) tuned into a Friday night knitting marathon show: National Knitting Evening. You know you live in a dull country when…

On Friday night, about 1.3 million people watched four hours of knitting discussion, followed by 8.5 hours of “long, quiet sequences of knitting and spinning.”

“We’ll dive deep into the world of knitting, then from midnight, we’ll turn down the pace, if that’s even possible,” Rune Moeklebust, a producer for public television NRK, said.

“We’ll watch the arm of a sweater get longer and longer; it will be fascinating…but pretty strange TV.”

The 12 hour live marathon, which aired on November 1, aimed to set a world record for making a sweater, from sheep shearing to final stitch.  Sadly, the knitting Norwegians did not break the world sweater record – but they did set a viewing milestone for broadcaster NRK.  The real-time knitting extravaganza beat out their super popular 12-hour show on burning wood, which aired in February, by 300,000 viewers.

“You can argue that the national knitting night is the feminine response to the firewood show,” Sidsel Mundal, a spokeswoman for NRK, said.

As terrible as Norway’s Slow TV programming is, it’s probably a lot better than a lot of the crap we have in North America. I mean, I can’t really judge a real-time knitting show when I’m sitting here watching reruns of Honey Boo Boo… Although Mama June’s forklift foot is kind of similar to watching fire logs burn – both have fat cylindrical shapes and are crawling with bugs that need to be burned off.

Via: ABC News

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New Trend: Killing Math Teachers… And Other News

Math Teacher Murder

Math teachers beware! One day after a 12-year-old boy from Nevada shot his math teacher, another 14-year-old boy from Massachusetts was charged in the murder of Danvers High School math teacher Colleen Ritzer.

Conclusion? Kids hate math. Philip Chism, the 14-year-old math hater, brought a box cutter to school which he then used to kill his 24-year-old teacher in a school bathroom before rolling her body outside in a recycling bin and leaving her in the woods. Chism denies the he murdered her, but the surveillance video says he totally did it. USA Today

Andy Lopez was shot dead by a Santa Rosa police officerWith all the prepubescent boys running around killing math teachers, police are bound to get one wrong – and they did. A 13-year-old boy was shot dead in California after sheriff’s deputies mistook the pellet gun he was carrying for an assault rifle. Andy Lopez of Santa Rosa was reportedly asked multiple times to drop the weapon but instead he moved the gun toward the deputies, who in turn fired off several rounds from their handguns. After they realized it was a young boy and the gun, which looked remarkably similar to an AK-47 assault rifle, was actually a pellet gun, they became significantly less trigger-happy. The unnamed deputies have been placed on administrative leave and Andy Lopez has been placed in a morgue. BBC News

mirrors in NorwayNorway has a new solution to winter darkness: giant mirrors! Three GIANT mirrors have been installed on a Norwegian mountainside in order to bring sunlight for the tiny town of Rjukan for the first time EVER during winter. The small town does not receive direct sunlight between September and March because the surrounding mountains block the sun’s rays. Sounds like a great location to start a town, Vikings. Anyways, that’s all in the past because the $825,000 mirrors will reflect the sun’s rays down into Rjukan’s main square, giving it sunlight throughout the day. In unrelated news, Rjukan is about to experience an alarming increase in bird deaths. Business Insider

niqab-woman-001Yemen seems like a fabulous place to live – unless you have a fear of being burned to death. A 35-year-old Yemeni father has been arrested after he burned his 15-year-old daughter to death for keeping in touch with her fiancé. Sounds like a reasonable reaction to catching your daughter talking on the phone to a boy. After all, in traditional tribal customs in some parts of Yemen, contact between men and women is forbidden until after marriage. As a result, many Yemenis try to marry off their daughters quite young before they can dishonor the fam. Eight, however, might be a little too young. Yemeni authorities are investigating the death of the eight-year-old girl in northern Yemen, who died from internal bleeding on her wedding night a month ago. I think I might know what caused the bleeding…. Reuters

obamacare-this-is-going-to-hurtObamacare: 0. Republicans: 1. After a government shutdown and a few dozen glitches on Healthcare.gov, the Obama administration has decided to extend the deadline requiring all Americans to obtain health insurance by six weeks. Before, individuals were expected to be insured by March 31 to avoid paying a penalty – which meant they would have to apply by February 15 so their application would get processed in time. Administration officials hope the delay will allow more time to fix the problems plaguing the sign-up website and Republicans hope the delay will last forever. Washington Post

Bistum Limburg weist neue Vorwuerfe gegen Tebartz-van Elst zurueckIf your nickname is the “Bling Bishop,” you probably need to spend some time in confession. The Vatican has indefinitely suspended German Catholic cleric, Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst, for leading a life of luxury. Dubbed the “Bling Bishop,” Elst reportedly spent $42 million renovating his residence, which didn’t sit too well with the modest style of frugal Pope Francis. It also didn’t sit well with ordinary Germans, who protested outside the bishop’s residence yelling stuff about how their taxes were squandered on Elst’s lavish lifestyle. AFP

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Current Event Cat of the Day – Somali-born Norwegian Terrorist

Current EVent Cat - Norwegian Somali

Norway is apparently a haven for terrorists. First there was Anders Behring Breivik and now Hassan Abdi Dhuhulow, a Somali-born Norwegian man, has been named as a suspect in last month’s deadly attack on a Kenyan mall. Well, I guess two terrorists doesn’t make Norway a terrorist breeding ground – but considering the population is only like 30 people – two is a lot.

Last week Norway’s intelligence agency, the PST, had received information that a Norwegian citizen of Somali origin may have been involved, and sent an investigator to Kenya to check things out. Now Dhuhulow has been named a suspect and police are trying to determine whether he was one of the four militants captured on surveillance footage inside the mall in Nairobi.

Dhuhulow’s family fled to Norway in the 1990s but he couldn’t resist the call of Somalia and began taking “long vacations” to the motherland in 2009. Soon after he allegedly joined the Somali militant group – because what else is there to do in Somalia if you don’t want to be a pirate? Officials believe that the Somalia-born Norwegian national was an active member of many al-Shabab operations in Mogadishu and Kismayo and was well-known in jihadist circles.

The 23-year-old Norwegian citizen is the first of the possibly four gunmen to be identified from the security footage.  Kenyan authorities have so far been unable to identify any of the militants among the charred bodies pulled from the rubble – one of which could be Dhuhulow’s. Two foot-long boxes of charred body parts and a bunch of AK-47s found near the bodies have been sent to the morgue to see if they belong to the terrorists. Sifting through charred terrorist limbs and AK-47s? Sounds like a fun way to spend the weekend.

Via: The New York Times

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Norway Goes Right Wing (for Norway…)

Erna Solberg Norway Right Wing

Norwegian centre-right leader Erna Solberg is set to form a new government after Labour Prime Minister Jens Stoltenberg lost the election on Monday.

Apparently Jens didn’t pick up enough potential voters in his political cash cab. At least now he’ll have more free time to work on his driving skills.

Poor Jens. And poor Norway, because it looks as though Norway’s anti-immigration Progress party is likely to join forces with the winning party in a centre-right coalition. The anti-immigrant party is keen to enter government for the first time, which has made some Norewgians a little uneasy. Why? Because Anders Behring Breivik, the right-wing psycho who massacred 77 people in 2011, was once a member of the party. However, that was young Anders Behring Breivik. Eventually he left the party, choosing more radical anti-Muslim, anti-immigrant views.

Nevertheless, the Progress Party, led by Siv Jensen, took a hit after the massacre. Since then the party attempted to soften its anti-immigrant image by dropping some of its controversial members and has now rebounded with around 15 percent support in the polls. Although they still don’t care too much for immigrants…

Anyways, the new PM, Erna Solberg, – also known as Iron Erna – is expected to form a government and take office by Oct. 14.  The first Conservative Prime Minister since 1990 described her win as “a historic election victory for the right-wing parties“. Or by American standards, a historic election victory for slightly less left-wing parties.

Via: New York Times

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Cash Cab Norway: Jens Stoltenberg Edition

Jens Stoltenberg Political Cash Cab

If your Labour party is trailing in the polls against the opposition Conservatives, just ask yourself: what would Jens do? Jens Stoltenberg, the Norwegian Prime Minister, would pose as a cab driver and spend the day picking people up and dropping them off. It’s political cash cab!

Jens Stoltenberg said he had wanted to hear from real Norwegian voters and that taxis were one of the few places where people shared their true views. He also really wanted more votes.

“It is important for me to hear what people really think,” he told Norwegian media.

“And if there is one place people really say what they think about most things, it’s in the taxi.”

In true cash cab fashion, his passengers were clueless as to who their driver would be and their reactions were captured on a hidden camera. Disguised in a uniform and sunglasses, Jens Stoltenberg only revealed his identity after the passengers had guessed who he was. The conversations tended to turn to politics and Jens got in some decent discussions.

One slight glitch in an otherwise perfectly orchestrated election campaign stunt however, was the fact that Jens can’t really drive… Norway’s PM faced some criticism over his driving skills, at one point mistaking the brake pedal for the clutch.

One passenger was quoted as saying: “I am not really happy about the driving,” and another, “Your driving is really bad.”

Stoltenberg then admitted he hadn’t driven in eight years. He is usually driven around by a chauffeur in a black government car.

Asked if he would consider becoming a taxi driver if he loses the re-election, Stoltenberg said:

“I think the nation and Norwegian taxi passengers are best served if I am the prime minister and not a taxi driver.”

Perhaps. But if Jens doesn’t win the September 9th election, he can always come to North America. We’re always looking for overqualified foreign cab drivers.

Via: Wall Street Journal

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