Tag Archives: Pollution

Dangerous Levels of Smog Makes China More Humorous

Shanghai Smog Prob

China’s pollution problem (or smog prob) is getting so bad that the Chinese are fleeing to the moon to get away from it.

Those who can’t flee to the moon, can still rely on eccentric millionaire Chen Guangbiao, to solve their smog probs. Guangbiao is selling cans of fresh air collected and compressed from the outer regions of China. The cans cost 80 cents and can be inhaled or slowly sipped. Either Guangbiao is obsessed with the movie Spaceballs or he’s trying to highlight the dangerous conditions of air pollution in the country – by producing thousands of aluminum cans.

The hazardous levels of smog paint a gloomy picture for the future of China but if you look really closely through the smog, you can see the faint outline of a silver lining. China’s national broadcaster has identified six benefits of the country’s smog problem:

1)   It has made people more united, because smog is a common enemy everywhere in China.

2)   It has made people more equal, because both the rich and the poor have to inhale the same polluted air.

3)   It has made the Chinese more clear-headed as to the price that the nation has to pay for becoming the “world’s factory.”

4)   It has made the Chinese more humorous. Sarcasm abounds when it comes to the topic of smog, and “that sense of humor is the source of strength for defeating the smog.”

5)   It has made the Chinese more knowledgeable, as people become educated on concepts like PM 2.5, important historical events like the London Great Smog of 1952, and even English words like “haze” and “smog.”

6)   It may be beneficial for military defense. “If smog has enveloped the target, [a cruise missile battle] may fail as it cannot discover or identify the target. Of course, this is a good thing for the defense side. During the Kosovo war, the Yugoslav army tried to avoid NATO bombing by artificially creating smog through burning scrap tires.”

Yes, ignore all environmental regulations, because humour is all China needs to defeat the smog. Problem solved, next crisis please.

Via: Forbes

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Gay Refugees Can Now Flock to Europe… And Other News

Gay Refugees

The European Union’s high court has ruled that refugees under attack for being homosexual in their home countries have grounds to be granted asylum. And suddenly every African mysteriously turned gay…

The EU court concluded that concealing sexual orientation to avoid persecution is equal to giving up a “characteristic fundamental to a person’s identity.” The court’s ruling concerned three homosexual men from Sierra Leone, Uganda and Senegal who had all sought asylum in Holland. But the court’s ruling applies to all EU countries and now any gay person can apply for asylum as long as they prove a “well-founded fear” of persecution. Since homosexual acts are illegal in most African countries, anti-immigration Europeans are worried about the rising tide of pseudo-gay Africans refugees infiltrating their country. Meh. Canada has been accepting gay refugees for years and the last time I checked (5 minutes ago), the number of homosexual / fauxmosexual Africans refugees walking around the streets of Canada is still relatively low. Although to be fair, Canada isn’t exactly next door to Africa. Europe’s a little easier to access – just a quick migrant boat away! New York Times

Lulu Pants FatLululemon founder Chip Wilson is blaming women’s body shapes for the quality issues his company’s yoga pants are facing. Last spring Lulu was forced to recall a bunch of pants for being see-through and last week customers began complaining about pilling. “Frankly some women’s bodies just don’t actually work for it,” Chip told Bloomberg TV, arguing, “It’s really about the rubbing through the thighs, how much pressure is there over a period of time.” What a great way to win over your target market of women aged 18-34: “Our material isn’t poor quality – you just have thunder thighs!” CTV News

Greenhouse GasesWarning: We’re all going to die. According to a new report released by the the World Meteorological Organisation (WMO), greenhouse gas levels hit a record high in 2012. Gases that drive global warming are increasing more rapidly last year than in its average rise over the past decade, effectively increasing warming effects by almost a third since 1990. And despite what anti-global warming Republicans have to say about the slowdown in temperature increases in the past few years, scientists believe that the new data indicates that global warming will be back with a vengeance. CBC News

Closed for BusinessBack pay to furloughed federal employees: $2 billion. National park revenue lost: $500 million. Delayed tax refunds: $4 billion. Shutting down the federal government for 16 days because Ted Cruz didn’t like a health care law: priceless. A report released by the Office of Management and Budget reveals that the government shutdown cost the U.S. economy between $2 billion and $6 billion in economic output. In addition, 120,000 fewer private sector jobs were created during the first two weeks of October because of the pending threat of the shutdown and the standoff over the debt ceiling. I thought Republicans were supposed to be anti-job killers…? Huffington Post

Pope and Disfigured ManEwwww. Gross. Pope Francis was caught snuggling with a severly disfigured man IN PUBLIC. There’s a word acronym for that: PDA. At the General Audience in St. Peter’s Square Wednesday, the pope Francis gently held and kissed the head of man covered in facial tumors. The 50,000 attendees seemed to embrace the embrace as well as Pope Francis’ ongoing efforts to open interaction with people from all walks of life, especially the poor, weak and vulnerable. Pope Francis seems to be doing a decent job of changing the church’s image by focusing on the less fortunate in society. Now if only he could work of the whole Catholic priest/pedophile image thing – because that’s kind of a big one. CNN

Twitter IPOTwitter officially went public on Thursday morning with shares opening at $45.10 – significantly higher than the expected $26. And just like that another billionaire is born! The trading drove the seven-year-old company’s value to $25 billion – despite not having made any profit for the last three years. But many believe that Twitter, which has 230 million users globally, has huge potential as a global advertising medium. Just please don’t litter my newsfeed with advertisements a la Facebook #seriouslydon’tdoit Reuters

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Singapore Smog

Current Event Cat - Smog Haze

Move over dengue fever – Singapore has a new epidemic in town: Smog. And lots of it!

Singapore has been engulfed in a thick haze this week and the prime minister is warning that the smog could last for weeks or even months. The haze, caused by illegal forest fires on the Indonesian island of Sumatra, has caused pollution levels to skyrocket. Pollution in the city-state peaked on Thursday at 371 on the pollution standards index, beating the previous high of 226. Anything over 300 is considered hazardous, so… 371 isn’t great.

Singaporean Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong asked Singaporeans to “stay indoors where possible and avoid heavy outdoor activities”. Not that they’d be able to see or smell anything outdoors anyway – Singapore’s buildings have been hidden by the polluted air and the smell of burnt wood has permeated the country. And the worst part of it all? McDonald’s has temporarily cancelled its delivery service! Yes, McDonald’s delivers in Singapore.

Who’s to blame for all the smog? Singapore is pointing the finger at Indonesia’s practice of burning forests – a common way to get land ready for planting.

“No country or corporation has the right to pollute the air at the expense of Singaporeans’ health and well-being,” Vivian Balakrishnan, Singapore’s environment minister, said urging Indonesia to quit it with the fires.

But Indonesia isn’t having any of that! They’re placing the blame partly on Singapore and Malaysia since it’s their companies who control many of the palm oil plantations where the burning takes place.

“Singapore shouldn’t be like children, in such a tizzy,” one official said.

Yeah Singapore! Don’t be a child – get out there and inhale your pollution. After a few minutes in the smog you’ll definitely be in a tizzy – or just get dizzy.

Via: The New York Times & Current Event Cats

(dedicated to Carter – a “cat expert” who is currently in Singapore dying of smog related diseases)