Tag Archives: Putin

China Panics as Putin Puts the Moves on the First Lady

Putin China First Lady

Chinese censors went into panic mode in a rush to block footage of Russian President Vladimir Putin acting chivalrously toward President Xi Jinping’s wife.

At an APEC event to watch the fireworks in Beijing on Monday night, Russian President Vladimir Putin offered Xi’s wife, Peng Liyuan, his coat on a chilly night – a common occurrence in Russia where people presumably freeze to death all the time. A smiling Ms Peng accepted the offer, but removed the shawl only seconds later, replacing it with her own black jacket. A little overly chivalrous maybe, but Putin was hardly putin the moves on her. I mean, it’s not like he tried giving her a shoulder rub… Bush.

Nevertheless, the moment quickly went viral on Weibo and other Chinese social media. Chinese citizens began to make a series of off-color, critical jokes about the First Lady and the world’s manliest, shirtless bear-riding leader after watching footage of the gesture on state broadcaster CCTV.

“Our first lady is a charming one indeed,” said one poster by the handle Li Shigong.

“The foreign hostile forces just cannot stand it, and must have its hands on it,” joked another.

“Like Putin. He is truly a man. He is the heart throb for many women. Cool!” one Weibo user swooned.

“All Obama and Xi can do is watch.”

Cue China’s notoriously paranoid censors. The country’s authorities quickly pulled the Putin-Peng video from Sina Weibo and the Web site of Phoenix TV overnight, along some of the more racy comments.

“China is traditionally conservative on public interaction between unrelated men and women, and the public show of consideration by Putin may provide fodder for jokes, which the big boss probably does not like,” said Beijing-based commentator Zhang Lifan. 

China and Russia have been eager to showcase their increasingly close economic ties, but I don’t think this is the kind of closeness Xi Jinping had in mind…

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Pro-Russian Separatists and Their Pro-Russian Vote

Current Event Cat - Pro Russian Rebels

Despite a weak effort on Russian President Vladimir Putin’s part to postpone any independence referendums in Ukraine, pro-Russian separatists went ahead with the “self-rule” referendum and the results were decidedly pro-Russian.

Last week, in a possible attempt to appease the West, Putin called for a postponement of the independence referendums in eastern Ukraine in order to create the conditions necessary for dialogue. But the pro-Russian separatists in the regions of Donetsk and Luhansk decided to go ahead with the vote anyways.

So while Putin spent his weekend attending a giant Soviet-style parade in Moscow’s Red Square and travelling to newly annexed Crimea to check out some of Russia’s warships and bask in the loving patriotic chants of Crimeans, rebel leaders in Donetsk and Luhansk geared up for a hastily put together self-rule referendum.

The leader in Donetsk, Denis Pushilin, said the decision to proceed with the vote had been unanimous.

“We just voice what the people want and demonstrate through their actions,” he said.

Meanwhile, Ukrainian authorities (along with the US and the EU) say they will disregard the results, calling the referendums an illegal farce with no legal consequences for Kiev.

And the results of the illegal referendums are in… and the pro-Russian separatists have declared a resounding victory in their favour!

According to the pro-Russian leaders,who counted up the votes without the help of international election monitors, roughly 89% of Donetsk voters and 96% of Luhansk voters opted for sovereignty in the Sunday elections.

Cue more violence and further sanctions on Russia, who Ukraine is accusing of orchestrating the unrest in a possible attempt to grab another chunk of the crumbling country.

But before Donetsk and Luhansk can go full Crimea, they must first ask Putin whether or not Russia will “absorb” them. So far the Kremlin has shown no immediate intention of annexing eastern Ukraine, although they still haven’t pulled back their 40,000 troops from the border. Either way, Donetsk and Luhansk had better ask Russia extra nicely to take them in – because neither region could survive economically on their own.

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Putin Backs Down… A Bit

Current Event Cat - Softer Stance Putin Ukraine

Russian President Vladimir Putin has pulled his forces back from the border and endorsed Ukraine’s presidential election on May 25 as a step “in the right direction”.

Speaking on Wednesday during a meeting with the Swiss president, President Putin appeared willing to keep his promise not to invade Ukraine (for now).

“We’re always being told that our forces on the Ukrainian border are a concern. We have withdrawn them. Today they are not on the Ukrainian border, they are in places where they conduct their regular tasks on training grounds,” Putin said.

After a tumultuous week that involved pro-Russian militants wreaking havoc in Odessa while Ukrainian officials scrambled to reclaim what’s left of the eastern region of the country, killing at least 30 pro-Russian separatists in the process, Putin now appears willing to make some concessions – with a few conditions of course.

Putin urged pro-Russian activists in southeastern Ukraine to cool it, suggesting that the series of independence referendums planned for this weekend should be called off “in order that conditions necessary for dialogue are created”. Instead, he gave his approval to the May 25 presidential election in Ukraine, calling it a “step in the right direction.”

BUT Putin made it clear that the vote would decide NOTHING unless the rights of “all citizens” were protected.

“I would like to stress that… while they are a move in the right direction, [the election] will not decide anything if all the citizens of Ukraine fail to understand how their rights are protected after the elections are held,” Putin said.

The Kremlin says it will protect the rights of the largely Russian-speaking people in south and east Ukraine against what it calls an undemocratic, Euro-wannabe government in Kiev.

Of course, protecting the rights of Ukraine’s Russian-speaking population was kind of their rationale for annexing Crimea, so who knows what will happen…

UPDATE: NATO and the Pentagon say Putin is pulling a fast one on them and there is no indication that Russia has withdrawn its forces from its border with Ukraine. Oh Putin!

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Putin to Revive Stalin-Era Soviet-Style Fitness Program, American Media to Put Western Propagandist Spin on Everything

 Putin Fitness Program

Russian President Vladimir Putin is using his leftover Sochi Olympics cash to kick-start a new nationwide fitness plan. But because anti-Russian sentiment is super popular these days, it’s being touted by Western media as an evil Stalinist, Soviet era plot to… improve the health of Russians?

On Monday, Putin launched a program to improve the physical fitness of Russians using funds from the Winter Olympics. The new plan pays homage to the one first introduced by Joseph Stalin in the 1930s called “Ready for Labor and Defense”. Ok, that name doesn’t exactly help their case… Russia doesn’t really need to advertise that it’s ready for defense. But the program itself is not as sinister as it sounds. While the modern version hasn’t been totally hashed out yet, the original version, known by the Russian initials GTO, required citizens to enter competitions in sports like running, jumping, skiing, swimming, and… grenade throwing. Ok, that doesn’t help either. But I’m sure the new version will leave out the grenade throwing competition.

Putin simply wants the unused Sochi money to go towards supporting sports venues and promoting healthy lifestyles among Russians. Speaking at a meeting with officials in the Kremlin on March 24, Putin said that reinstating the plan would “pay homage to our national historical traditions.”

While lots of countries have health and fitness promotion programs, Western media is choosing to focus on the Soviet style aspects of the Russian plan and link it to the era of brutal dictator Joseph Stalin. Headlines include: “Putin Is Reviving a Stalinist Fitness Program to Whip Russians Into Shape” and “Russian Olympic Cash To Restart Soviet-Style Fitness Program”

Apparently getting in shape is a communist ideal. Which I guess explains why Americans are so fat and lazy. Sorry – can’t exercise, not a communist!

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Who Knew That Tupac Shakur Was Alive And Well In Russia?

Tupac Shakur Sanctions

As the United States and the European Union pile sanctions on Putin for annexing Crimea, Russian politicians are laughing them off – apparently while listening to Tupac Shakur.

In Moscow, sanctioned Russian officials mocked the White House’s announcement that the U.S. was going to impose costs on Russia for making military moves in Ukrainian territory. Turns out freezing assets and banning travel visas don’t do much to discourage Putin’s top aides.

Vladislav Surkov, a top Putin advisor and one of the eleven Russian and Ukrainian officials slapped with White House sanctions, declared that he’s “proud” to have made the sanctions list, equating it to a “political Oscar from America for a best supporting actor”.

“The only things that interest me in the U.S. are Tupac Shakur, Allen Ginsberg and Jackson Pollock,” Surkov told a Russian newspaper. “I don’t need a visa to access their work. I lose nothing.”

Allen Ginsberg the gay, peace loving hippy poet? And Tupac Shakur? Did 90s music just hit Russia? Maybe next year they’ll get the Notorious B.I.G.

Putin, Putin, Putin, can’t you see, sometimes your Cold War tactics just hypnotize me…

Yuri Ushakov, Putin’s chief foreign policy aide, also dismissed the sanctions, saying they “are already a bore.”

“They truly cause a sense of irony and even sarcasm,” he told Interfax on Tuesday.

Dmitry Rogozin, the deputy prime minister of Russia in charge of defense (and friend of Steven Seagal!), took to Twitter to ridicule the U.S. sanctions.

“I think some prankster prepared the draft of this Act of the US President,” he wrote.

“Comrade @BarackObama, what should do those who have neither accounts nor property abroad? Or U didn’t think about it?”

Screenshot 2014-03-18 21.38.19

It remains to be seen whether the sanctions will have any impact on Russia’s plan for Crimea – but from the looks of it the answer is no. President Obama may have to resort to much more drastic measures than freezing assets and restricting visas to convince Putin to hand Crimea back to Ukraine – perhaps freezing Putin’s Facebook account?

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Crimea Gets Annexed

Current Event Cat - Annex Crimea

Hours after Russian President Vladimir Putin signed a treaty adding Crimea to the Russian map, Russia celebrated by killing a Ukrainian soldier. Did they run out of celebratory vodka?

With a historic sweep of his pen, Putin signed a treaty annexing Crimea, two days after the soon-to-be Russian region’s hastily put together referendum to leave Ukraine. Putin described the move a correction of a “historical injustice” and a necessary response to what he referred to as Western encroachment upon Russia’s vital interests.

Crimea has always been an integral part of Russia in the hearts and minds of people,” Putin said in an overly patriotic speech at the Grand Kremlin Palace.

Putin declared before the Russian parliament that Moscow is undeterred in its plan to annex Crimea, and dismissed the West’s criticism of Sunday’s Crimean referendum as a manifestation of the West’s double standards.

Putin’s treaty still must be ratified by Russia’s Constitutional Court and both houses of parliament, but given the quick pace of the whole “annexing Crimea plan”, the deal will probably be complete by the end of this week.

Shortly after Putin and his Crimean pals signed the bill to absorb the peninsula into Russia, a Ukrainian officer was killed in an attack on a base in Crimea. Armed men stormed the base in Simferopol, firing automatic weapons, killing one serviceman and injuring several others. Ukrainian military spokesman Vladislav Seleznyov said it was unclear who had staged the assault, but the Ukrainian prime minister has accused Russia of committing a “war crime” and has authorized its troops to fire in self defense.

The West’s response? MORE SANCTIONS! And a G7 meeting couldn’t hurt.

White House spokesman Jay Carney told reporters Tuesday that the United States planned to increase sanctions in response to Russia’s move to annex Crimea and President Obama has called a G7 meeting next week to discuss the annexation.

I guess it’s a good thing this all happened after the Olympics… otherwise it would make for a very awkward closing ceremonies.

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Crisis in the Ukraine: Crimea Votes to Join Russia

Crimea Referendum

Crimea’s parliament declared the region an independent state and formally asked to become part of Russia, following its residents’ overwhelming vote Sunday to break away from Ukraine.

According to Crimean officials, 97% of Crimea voted to join Russia. While 97% isn’t as high as Kim Jong Un’s 100% of the votes, it’s still pretty high. Despite the fact that Russian military officials heavily guarded the voting process and residents were only given two options on the ballots (join Russia or seek greater autonomy within Ukraine), it seems pretty safe to say that the majority of Crimea is pro-Putin. It’s also pretty safe to say that the West only supports democracy when people vote the way they want.

The U.S. and European Union do not consider the vote legitimate, angrily claiming it violates Ukraine’s constitution and took place under pressure from the Russian military. As a result, the western powers have announced travel bans and asset freezes against a number of officials from Russia and Ukraine who are seen as having played a key role in the referendum.

But amid all the Western hatred against Russia, one U.S. politician is breaking away from the pack and siding with Putin: Ron Paul. The former congressman said on Saturday that Crimea should be able to break away and join Russia, arguing that this “is our how our country was started. It was the right of self-determination, and voting, and asking and even fighting for it, and seceding.” Paul went on to say the U.S. had engineered a coup in Kiev against the Yanukovych government and U.S. sanctions against Moscow are an “act of war.” 

Meanwhile, his son Rand Paul, who’s got a 2016 White House bid to worry about, has called for stiff penalties against Russia and declared: “If I were president, I wouldn’t let Vladimir Putin get away with it!”

But Putin has said he will respect the will of the people in Crimea.

“The results of the referendum in Crimea clearly showed that residents of Crimea see their future only as part of Russia,” the deputy speaker of the State Duma, Sergei Neverov said.

The parliament in Moscow intends to pass legislation allowing Crimea to join Russia “in the very near future”, sanctions or no sanctions, Rand Paul or Ron Paul.

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Putin Cuddles The Gay Out Of Dutch Speedskater Ireen Wüst

Putin_Ireen Wüst_Speedskater

After winning gold at the Sochi Olympics, Dutch speedskater Ireen Wüst went to celebrate at a party held in her honor. On the guest list? One Vladimir Putin.

The openly gay speedskater told Dutch broadcast NOS that while there she “got a cuddle” from Putin.

“He congratulated me and asked if everything was OK in Russia and I congratulated him on (Russian speedskater) Olga Graf, of course, for her third place (in the 3,000 meters). He was happy to see me, but then he had to leave again. But I cuddled him.

So this was Putin’s plan all along… seduce the lesbian athletes with his rugged manliness. Problem solved. I mean, what women can resist a shirtless Putin? (aside from his ex-wife, of course)

Vadimir-Putin-Shirtless

Putin and Ireen Wüst’s cuddle session did not sit well with the gay activist group, Queer Nation. The organization has condemned the Olympic athlete for “having a cuddle” with the anti-gay propaganda president.

 “The Olympic athletes have said that they will not make political statements during the Games yet that is exactly what Ireen Wüst did,” said Duncan Osborne, a member of Queer Nation. “By embracing Vladimir Putin, a man who has trampled on the human rights of LGBT Russians, political dissidents, artists, undocumented immigrants, and others in Russia, Wüst has endorsed his fascist agenda.”

But while Wüst may have ventured into the dark side, there is one Olympic athlete who may be too much for Putin to handle: 29-year-old Olympic skater-turned-commentator Johnny Weir

While commentating on the Olympic ice-capades for NBC, the former figurer skate, who looks like a strange combination of Pee Wee Herman and Rob Schneider, decided to go full-on flamboyant. While Weir is not officially protesting Russia’s anti-LGBT laws during the Sochi games, his fashionable get-up and refusal to be anyone but his flamboyant self is a big middle finger to Putin. Although I wonder what he would do if Putin went in for a cuddle?

Johnny Weir

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Putin Trained His Snow Leopard Well…

Vladimir Putin Snow Leopard

Vladimir Putin’s snow leopard “friend” attacked two journalists moments before cuddling with the Russian President.

While on a tour of a Persian leopard sanctuary ahead of the Winter Games in Sochi, a leopard cub became agitated and attacked two journalists, scratching one on the hand and biting another on the knee. While lesser men stood back in fear, Putin, ever the rugged outdoorsman, stepped in to calm the leopard down with a series of cuddles.

Snow Leopard“We made friends,” he said, completely at ease with the 6-month-old leopard. “I like animals, it seems I have a feeling for them. We liked each other.”

In response to criticisms from environmentalists accusing the Russian authorities of damaging Sochi’s natural environment during the construction of the Games, Putin is eager to show that the construction efforts have actually improved the environmental situation in Sochi – for the snow leopards at least.

Yes, snow leopards are apparently Putin’s latest pet project. The Russian President is working to re-introduce the great Persian leopard to southern Russia where they became extinct in 1970.

“We’ve decided to restore the population of the snow leopard because of the Olympic Games,” Putin said. “Let’s say that because of the Olympic Games, we have restored parts of the destroyed nature.”

So, restore the snow leopards but kill all the stray dogs?

Via: The Telegraph 

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Russia’s Ban on Gay Propaganda is Totally Fine Because Putin Has A Gay Friend

Putin Propaganda

President Vladimir Putin insists he’s not a homophobe, despite defending Russia’s law on gay propaganda by equating gays with pedophiles and suggesting Russia needs to “cleanse” itself of homosexuality if it wants to increase its birth rate.

Last year, there was international outcry when Russia passed a law banning “propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations” among minors. As the controversy continues ahead of the Sochi Olympics, Putin has made an effort to reassure gay athletes and fans that they will not be discriminated against and that he himself is not prejudiced against homosexuals.

“I myself know some people who are gay,” he said. “We’re on friendly terms. I’m not prejudiced in any way.”

Ahhh, the old “gay friend” trick.

“If you want my personal attitude, I would tell you that I don’t care about a person’s sexual orientation,” Putin continued. “I’ve honoured several members of the gay community in this country but for their personal achievements, regardless of their sexual orientation.”

Putin was also quick to point out that while many other countries banned homosexual relations, Russia was a gay haven that only prohibited “gay propaganda”.

“There’s no danger for individuals of this non-traditional sexual orientation who are planning to come to the games as visitors or participants,” he said.

As long as they stay away from the children that is.

But not everyone is outraged by Russia’s laws against homosexuality. During a panel discussion on ABC’s This Week, Republican strategist Mary Matalin asserted the Russia’s ban on homosexual and pedophilia propaganda were irrelevant because “all of my gay friends” think Russian President Vladimir Putin is “so buff in his shirtless photos.” Interesting. All of MY gay friends think that the drugs from Mary Matalin’s latest facelift have clearly not worn off yet and she should probably refrain from speaking on television until they do.

Meanwhile, the Sochi Olympics organizers have bigger problems on their hands. A new video has been posted on a Chechen extremist site showing two militant Islamists vowing to wreak havoc during the 2014 Olympic Games.

“We’ll have a surprise package for you,” they say. “And those tourist that will come to you, for them, too, we have a surprise. This will be our revenge.”

Well I certainly hope the surprise package isn’t a gay dick in a box. Otherwise that could cause some serious problems.

Via: BBC News 

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