Tag Archives: The Pope

Current Event Cat of the Day: Pope Says Catholics Don’t Need To Breed Like Rabbits

Pope Breed Like Rabbits Catholics

Pope Francis says the church’s birth control ban does not mean that good Roman Catholics should breed like rabbits – instead they should practice “responsible” parenting by abstaining from sex. So much for his “cool pope” image…

Following his trip to the Philippines, where he met former street children abandoned by parents unable to afford to care for them, the Pope made some rather strong statements supporting the church’s ban on artificial means of birth control.

Pope Francis was asked what he would say to families who had more children than they could afford because the Church forbids artificial contraception. The pope reiterated the church’s opposition to government population control programs as a form of “ideological colonization” but stressed that “this does not mean a Christian must make children one after another.”

“God gives you methods to be responsible,” he told journalists. “Some think that — excuse the word — that in order to be good Catholics we have to be like rabbits. No.”

Your local Walgreens also gives you methods to be responsible, but unfortunately they don’t supply “church-approved” contraception. The Pope only endorses abstinence or the rhythm method – and apparently spreading AIDS and other STDs around the world. But I suppose AIDS works well with the church’s opposition to government population control programs – it still helps to keep the population down and doesn’t involve the use of condoms. Plus, it might help get rid of those pesky street kids in the Philippines.

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The Pope’s Peace Doves Attacked By Angry Birds


Pope Francis’ doves of peace became doves in pieces after a seagull and a large black crow swept down and attacked after the doves were set free from an open window.

Tens of thousands of people gathered in St. Peter’s Square on Sunday to watch the Pope’s weekly Sunday Angelus prayer. Following Pope Francis’ appeal for peace in Ukraine, two children helped the Pontiff release two white doves as a symbolic gesture of peace.

Peace doves gone wrongBut as the doves were released from the open window of the Apostolic Palace, a seagull and a large black crow went in for the kill. The seagull attacked first, pinning the larger dove against the wall of the palace. Although the dove lost some feathers it eventually managed to break free and fly to freedom. The crow set its sights on the smaller dove and began pecking at it repeatedly until it too managed to fly off into the distance.

Huh. This doesn’t look great for peace in Ukraine… Right before the doves were released Pope Francis said a prayer for Ukraine, where at least four people have been killed during the latest clashes between anti-government protesters and the police.  The mass demonstrations began in November after Ukraine opted not to sign a treaty with the EU and instead strengthen ties with Russia.

“I am close to Ukraine in prayer, in particular to those who have lost their lives in recent days and to their families,” Francis told the crowd in St Peter’s Square.

“I hope that a constructive dialogue between the institutions and civil society can take place, that any resort to violence is avoided and that the spirit of peace and a search for the common good is in the hearts of all.”

Meanwhile, the protests in Ukraine have been spreading beyond Kiev after opposition leader Arseniy Yatsenyuk rejected President Viktor Yanukovych‘s offer to appoint him prime minister. The protesters want more! The opposition is demanding early elections, a free trade agreement with the EU, the release of prisoners, and a repeal of the recently introduced public protest ban (which I don’t think is working btw…) But the government says their efforts to peacefully negotiate and resolve unrest in the capital are “futile” and blame the negotiation failure on the radical arm of the opposition.

So maybe the peace dove attack was a sign from God that things in the Ukraine are going to get worse before they get better? I mean, if a burnt grilled cheese sandwich slightly resembling Jesus is a sign from God, surely this is too.

Via: CBC News & BBC News

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Pope Wins Person of the Year, May be a Marxist… And Other News

Person of the Year

Pope Francis, the poor man’s pope, has won the title of Time magazine’s Person of the Year. And there was some stiff competition this year!

Pope Francis beat out other Person of the Year candidates including Syrian President Bashir al-Assad, Ted Cruz, and Miley Cyrus. “What makes this pope so important is the speed at which he’s captured the imaginations of millions who had given up on hoping for the church at all,” writes Time. Yes, I suppose he’s a better Person of the Year candidate than a Syrian dictator, an obnoxiously stubborn Republican, and a twerking pop star, but there have been some grumblings among the American conservative media circuit about Pope Francis and his socialist leanings. Some (Rush Limbaugh and crew) have taken the pope’s views on structural inequality and the pitfalls of capitalism to mean that he’s a total Marxist. But the pope doesn’t seem to mind. “Marxist ideology is wrong,” Pope Francis said. “But I have met many Marxists in my life who are good people, so I don’t feel offended.” Telegraph

chile president michelle bachelet wins electionMichelle Bachelet wins the presidential election! Don’t worry – I didn’t say Michele Bachmann. Close call. The former president of Chile is back, winning 62 percent of the votes. Bachelet, who was widely admired as president from 2006 to 2010, has now become the first two-term leader in Chile since Gen. Augusto Pinochet. “I am happy with the result and victory and I shall be a president for everyone in Chile,” she said of the landslide victory. First on her to-do list: increase corporate taxes, expand access to higher education and overhaul the 1980 Constitution. New York Times

Neo Nazi SwedenIt’s a neo-Nazi versus anti-Nazi showdown in Sweden. On Sunday, around 40 Neo-Nazis attacked more than 200 legally organized anti-nazi protesters in Stockholm. The demonstrators were protesting the growing neo-Nazi sentiment in the area, which, based on the attack, appears to be growing faster than they intially thought.  The neo-Nazis threw stones, bottles, and fireworks, while the anti-Nazis moved toward the attackers chanting anti-Nazism slogans and forcing them to retreat. Police detained 28 people and three were injured and taken to the hospital. ABC News

Brian TattooThe Family Guy brings back Brian! After Brian the dog was shockingly killed off last month, fans were outraged but most had a sneaking suspicious that he would be back… except for that one  guy who got an RIP Brian tattoo. Yikes… Anywho, Brian was resurrected Brian in Sunday’s night’s episode. Creator Seth MacFarlane said he didn’t know how any fans could actually believe they would kill off the beloved dog but did want to teach viewers a fuzzy holiday lesson: “never take those you love for granted, for they can be gone in a flash.” Entertainment Weekly

FDA SoapsBad news for germaphobes: The FDA’s new number one enemy is antibacterial soap. Despite the widespread use of antibacterial hand soap and body wash, the US health regulator has now warned that antibacterial chemicals in soaps and body washes may pose health risks. “Although consumers generally view these products as effective tools to help prevent the spread of germs, there is currently no evidence that they are any more effective at preventing illness than washing with plain soap and water,” said the agency. Also, there are some fun risks associated with long-term, daily use of antibacterial soaps, including bacterial resistance and hormonal effects. So if you’re battling influenza this Christmas, put down the Purell and pick up the soap on a rope. BBC News

Affluenza TeenEven if influenza doesn’t get you this season, you still have to watch out for “affluenza,” a terrible new disease that stems from your rich parents never teaching you right from wrong and how not to be an entitled brat. The term affluenza describes a condition in which children — generally from richer families — have a sense of entitlement, are irresponsible, make excuses for poor behavior, and sometimes dabble in drugs and alcohol – aka a spoiled brat. 16-year-old Ethan Couch succumbed to affluenza shortly before he killed four people in a drunk driving incident last summer in Texas. Instead of jail time, the teenage was sentenced to 10 years probation after his attorneys argued he suffered from affluenza and had the emotional age of a 12-year-old. If only he were a poor black kid with drug-addicted parents who never taught him right from wrong – then he would be in jail for 20 years. Just kidding, it’s Texas. He would totally get the death penalty. CBC News

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Gay Refugees Can Now Flock to Europe… And Other News

Gay Refugees

The European Union’s high court has ruled that refugees under attack for being homosexual in their home countries have grounds to be granted asylum. And suddenly every African mysteriously turned gay…

The EU court concluded that concealing sexual orientation to avoid persecution is equal to giving up a “characteristic fundamental to a person’s identity.” The court’s ruling concerned three homosexual men from Sierra Leone, Uganda and Senegal who had all sought asylum in Holland. But the court’s ruling applies to all EU countries and now any gay person can apply for asylum as long as they prove a “well-founded fear” of persecution. Since homosexual acts are illegal in most African countries, anti-immigration Europeans are worried about the rising tide of pseudo-gay Africans refugees infiltrating their country. Meh. Canada has been accepting gay refugees for years and the last time I checked (5 minutes ago), the number of homosexual / fauxmosexual Africans refugees walking around the streets of Canada is still relatively low. Although to be fair, Canada isn’t exactly next door to Africa. Europe’s a little easier to access – just a quick migrant boat away! New York Times

Lulu Pants FatLululemon founder Chip Wilson is blaming women’s body shapes for the quality issues his company’s yoga pants are facing. Last spring Lulu was forced to recall a bunch of pants for being see-through and last week customers began complaining about pilling. “Frankly some women’s bodies just don’t actually work for it,” Chip told Bloomberg TV, arguing, “It’s really about the rubbing through the thighs, how much pressure is there over a period of time.” What a great way to win over your target market of women aged 18-34: “Our material isn’t poor quality – you just have thunder thighs!” CTV News

Greenhouse GasesWarning: We’re all going to die. According to a new report released by the the World Meteorological Organisation (WMO), greenhouse gas levels hit a record high in 2012. Gases that drive global warming are increasing more rapidly last year than in its average rise over the past decade, effectively increasing warming effects by almost a third since 1990. And despite what anti-global warming Republicans have to say about the slowdown in temperature increases in the past few years, scientists believe that the new data indicates that global warming will be back with a vengeance. CBC News

Closed for BusinessBack pay to furloughed federal employees: $2 billion. National park revenue lost: $500 million. Delayed tax refunds: $4 billion. Shutting down the federal government for 16 days because Ted Cruz didn’t like a health care law: priceless. A report released by the Office of Management and Budget reveals that the government shutdown cost the U.S. economy between $2 billion and $6 billion in economic output. In addition, 120,000 fewer private sector jobs were created during the first two weeks of October because of the pending threat of the shutdown and the standoff over the debt ceiling. I thought Republicans were supposed to be anti-job killers…? Huffington Post

Pope and Disfigured ManEwwww. Gross. Pope Francis was caught snuggling with a severly disfigured man IN PUBLIC. There’s a word acronym for that: PDA. At the General Audience in St. Peter’s Square Wednesday, the pope Francis gently held and kissed the head of man covered in facial tumors. The 50,000 attendees seemed to embrace the embrace as well as Pope Francis’ ongoing efforts to open interaction with people from all walks of life, especially the poor, weak and vulnerable. Pope Francis seems to be doing a decent job of changing the church’s image by focusing on the less fortunate in society. Now if only he could work of the whole Catholic priest/pedophile image thing – because that’s kind of a big one. CNN

Twitter IPOTwitter officially went public on Thursday morning with shares opening at $45.10 – significantly higher than the expected $26. And just like that another billionaire is born! The trading drove the seven-year-old company’s value to $25 billion – despite not having made any profit for the last three years. But many believe that Twitter, which has 230 million users globally, has huge potential as a global advertising medium. Just please don’t litter my newsfeed with advertisements a la Facebook #seriouslydon’tdoit Reuters

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Pope Francis & Homosexuals

Current Event Cat - Gay Priests Pope Francis

Pope Francis announces that that homosexuals should not be judged or marginalized and should be integrated into society.

The Pope’s new position is that homosexual acts are sinful, but homosexual orientation is not. Therefore priests can be gay, as long as they don’t act on their urges – which shouldn’t be too difficult considering they’re supposed to be celibate. Same thing for pedophiles – as long as they don’t act on it, they can still be priests they can be priests regardless of how many young boys they’ve molested.

Still, the Pope’s idea to forgive gay clergymen is a bit more progressive than Pope Benedict XVI, who signed a document in 2005 that said men with deep-rooted homosexual tendencies should not be priests.

Pope Francis also stressed that god-loving homosexuals should not be shunned or discriminated against but rather integrated into society.

“If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has goodwill, who am I to judge?” Francis said on a plane returning from his week-long trip to Brazil.

Looks like a little vacay in Brazil was all Pope Francis needed to get on board the gay train. Well, I wouldn’t say he’s fully onboard considering he still reaffirmed the Church teaching that homosexual acts are a sin. I guess it’s more like he has acknowledged homosexuals exist and others should exist along beside them. One step at a time!

Pope Francis also said he wanted a greater role for women in the Church, but insisted the ban on women priests is “definitive”.

“The Church has spoken and says no … that door is closed.”

The Roman Catholic Church’s new slogan: “We’re progressive. But not really….”

Via: Current Event Cats & The New York Times

Nuns Gone Wild… And Other News

Nuns Gone Wild

Nuns gone wild! The pope says NOPE to feminist nuns.

Pope Francis has reaffirmed the Vatican’s criticism of US nuns, accusing them of promoting “radical feminist themes” and ignoring the Vatican’s opposition to same-sex marriage and abortion. Not to worry though – the Vatican has dispatched an archbishop to set up reeducation programs to bring the out-of-control nuns back into line. If Sister Act (and let’s not forget Sister Act 2 and 3!) was any indication of nuns gone wild, the Vatican has their work cut out for them. Los Angeles Times

Airline DelayIf you think cramped seats and poor service is the worst thing about American Airlines, think again. The airline grounded all its flights Tuesday afternoon after its reservation system went offline. The outage sparked numerous delays and some passengers reported being stuck on planes. “We are on a system-wide ground delay that will last until 4:30 pm CST (2130 GMT) as we work to resolve this issue as quickly as we can,” the company said, apologizing to customers for “any inconvenience.” Still better than Delta. NBC News

Iran EarthquakeIt seems like an earthquake is always striking Iran. But this time it’s a big one! A magnitude 7.8 earthquake hit right on the border with Pakistan and is reported to be the most powerful in nearly 40 years. CNN reports that at least 34 people have died and 80 are injured in Pakistan. Iran has not confirmed any deaths at this point. Much better than in 2003 when a 6.6-magnitude earthquake killed 26,000 Iranians. CNN

FriendsNeed more friends? StarMedia, some kind of Latin entertainment site, reports that “NBC network has confirmed they will launch a new season of Friends on 2014, it will be about their story in a comeback reunion! It’s still unknown if the original actors will accept NBC’s deal, but the dream of “Friends” reunion is closer than ever!” A rumour like this MUST be true if there are typos in the announcement (on 2014) and no other entertainment source seems to be aware of it. But just to be on the safe side, I wouldn’t hold your breath. StarMedia

HorsemeatEuropeans are so hungry they could eat a horse. And they have been for quite some time. According to results form the European Commission, horse DNA has been found in up to 5% of beef products randomly tested across the EU. Banned horse drugs were also found in 0.5% of the horsemeat tested. Since a scandal emerged in January, a growing number of stores and companies across Europe, including Findus and Nestle, have recalled beef products, after tests found they contained horse DNA. Gross. BBC News

CircusIt’s about time: the use of wild animals in travelling circuses will be banned starting December 2015 in Britain. Circus operators will have until then to adapt their shows and find new homes for the animals, which include llamas, camels and zebras. The cruel treatment of an Asian elephant was one of the factors behind the public’s support for a ban. An undercover film shot by animal welfare campaigners showed her being kicked and hit with a pitchfork at a circus. Horses, however, will still be allowed. I mean, they already eat their meat, they might as well get some entertainment out of them. The Independent

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The Pope is Slumming it… and Other News.

The Pope

The Pope is slumming it. Pope Francis, known for taking the bus and not wearing fancy red shoes, has shunned the regal papal apartment that sits on top of the Apostolic Palace. Instead, he opted for a simple Vatican home alongside other clergy. The pope is currently staying in a simple two-room flat in Domus Santa Martha. His decision to stay in the humble abode is consistent with his desire for the religion to become a ‘poor church, for the poor’ and to prioritise disadvantaged groups. Well, he’s certainly making Pope Benedict sound like a dick. Daily Mail

Madagascar LocustSucks to be in Madagascar. A severe plague of locusts has infested about half of Madagascar, threatening crops and raising concerns about food shortages. The billions (and I mean billions) of plant-devouring insexts could cause hunger for over half of the population. The UN’s Food and Agricultural Organzation is calling it the worst plague to hit the island nation since the 1950s. I don’t remember the movie being like this….. BBC News

David PFormer CIA director David Petraeus has apologized for the extramarital affair that ruined his career. Patraeus told a Los Angeles veterans’ group on Tuesday that he was sorry for his conduct and acknowledge that he is now regarded in “a different light.” The retired four-star general had resigned in disgrace in November 2012 from his position as the head of the CIA after admitting to an extramarital affair with his biographer, Paula Broadwell. The scandal surrounding the affair gained strong media attention, partially due to its complexity. Associated Press

JuddAshley Judd announced she will not be running for US Senate. Judd made the announcement via Twitter as her face was too frozen from years of plastic surgery to deal with a public appearance.  “Regretfully, I am currently unable to consider a campaign for the Senate,” Judd tweeted. “After serious and thorough contemplation, I realize that my responsibilities and energy at this time need to be focused on my family.” Judd had been publicly and privately flirting with a bid for several months, but I guess ultimately decided she might make a fool of herself. Politico

Small WorldWould you listen to 30 minutes of Disney’s “It’s a Small World” for $8,000? Well, a disabled man who was stuck on Disneyland’s ‘It’s A Small World’ ride for 30 minutes has just won a lawsuit against the theme park. Jose Martinez, 55, got stuck when the ride broke down and was unable to be evacuated with the other riders since he uses a wheelchair. The “Small World” song played over and over, which aggravated Martinez’s panic attacks and high blood pressure. The CIA is now looking into using the song during interrogations (no, they’re not). San Francisco Chronicle

Winning“Winning takes care of everything” – at least according to Tiger Woods. The new Nike ad featuring the Tiger Woods and his September 2012 quote is raising a few eyebrows. Some say it’s just about sports, while others interpreted the slogan as referring to his past marital problems and multiple affairs. Maybe they should ask his ex-wife Elin Nordegren if winning takes care of everything. She certainly won in the divorce… CBC News

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New Pope, New Hope? Nope.

Pope Francis Waves

The former archbishop of Buenos Aires, Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio (aka Pope Francis), began his reign as Pope today and so far he’s mastered the task of waving and staring blankly at an obedient mass. Nailed it!

Pope Benedict XVI left behind an out of touch church, plagued with clerical sex abuse scandals, internal divisions and dwindling numbers. Will Pope Francis be able to turn any of this around? Let’s take a quick look at his stats.

  • He is the first pope from Latin America and the first from outside Europe in more than 1,000 years. Not bad. His parents are Italian though.
  • He is the first Jesuit to be named a pope. Ok, not even sure what that means.
  • He had a lung removed when he was a teenager due to an infection. Hmm. Sounds like he might pull a Benedict and step down due to old age syndrome.
  • He lives a simple life. He rides a bus to work, wears an ordinary priest’s robe and lives with an older priest in a simple apartment where he cooks his own meals. Sounds kind of gay but alright.
  • He is a conservative who is anti-gay marriage and anti-gay adoption. He has described same-sex marriage as the work of the devil and a “destructive attack on God’s plan.” Ok, maybe not so gay… or just in the closet gay.
  • He has rallied his clergy against the ‘culture of death’ (i.e he’s not a fan of abortion or distributing contraception). Yeah, I’m not really feeling this Pope.

After this extremely ‘in-depth’ analysis, I don’t think we can expect Pope Francis to foster any major changes to the church. He seems like more of a status-quo pope. Maybe Dennis Rodman would have been a better choice after all…

The Better Pope

Who would make a better Pope?

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Via: CBC News

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Dennis Rodman is on a Diplomatic Mission to Save the World. Or F*ck it up.

Dennis Rodman Wants the Pope

Fresh off his recent success easing the escalating tensions between North Korea and every other country, Dennis Rodman now has his sights set on Rome, and in particular, the Pope.

Reports have surfaced that Rodman, North Korea’s favourite washed up NBA star and self-appointed diplomat, is flying to Rome in hopes of sitting down with the new Pope (who has yet to even be elected…).

Rodman will be landing late tonight but says his “people” are already in Rome trying to negotiate a meeting. Rodman hopes to get there in time to see the magic white pope smoke, and given that there is no current pope frontrunner, it’s unlikely the smoke will appear before Rodman’s arrival.

However, unless the new pope is as big of a basketball fan as his best friend Kim Jong-un, I don’t think Rodman should get his hopes up. It’s unlikely the pope will be jumping at the chance to meet a body art aficionado once romantically linked to Madonna.

As for the purpose of his mission?

“I want to be anywhere in the world that I’m needed … I want to spread a message of peace and love throughout the world.”

And you thought you were done hearing about Dennis Rodman….

Via: TMZ

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Current Event Cat of the Day

Current Event Cat Pope Vote

Current Event Cat of the Day: Cardinals have attended a special Mass in Rome, as they prepare to begin voting to elect a new Pope. They will convene in the Sistine Chapel later today to begin their secret deliberations. There is no clear frontrunner at this point.

Via: Current Event Cats

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