Tag Archives: White House

Secret Service Requests Fake White House

Secret Service Fake White House

File this under terrible ideas. Amid a series of embarrassing blunders, the Secret Service wants to spend $8 million to build another White House in Beltsville, Maryland, about 20 miles from the real White House.

Newly installed Secret Service Director Joseph Clancy went before a House Appropriations panel on Tuesday and asked for an $8 million replica of the White House for training purposes.

“Right now, we train on a parking lot, basically,” Mr. Clancy said. “We put up a makeshift fence and walk off the distance between the fence at the White House and the actual house itself. We don’t have the bushes, we don’t have the fountains, we don’t get a realistic look at the White House.”

“It’s important to have a true replica of what the White House is so we can do a better job of this integrated training between our uniform division officers, our agents and our tactical teams,” he added.

Or…. you could just pay more attention to the real one. And while you’re at it maybe cut down on drunken Secret Service agents driving into White House barricades, letting in knife-wielding intruders, and canoodling with Colombian hookers.

The proposed replica would include the facade of the White House, the East and West Wings, guard booths and the surrounding grounds and roads. For $8 million? Can’t they just borrow the House of Cards set?

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White House Security: Needs More Dog

White House Dog

The latest White House fence jumper was sent to a hospital to be treated for dog bites after he was nabbed by guard dogs on the White House lawn Wednesday.

Secret Service Dog23-year-old Dominic Adesanya of Bel Air, Maryland jumped the north fence of the White House on Wednesday but was stopped by the Secret Service’s secret weapon: angry guard dogs. Secret Service agents and K-9 units quickly subdued the intruder before he came too close to the residence. But Adesanya, who has a history of trying to break into government buildings, did manage to punch two of the Secret Service dogs, Hurricane and Jordan, before he was tackled.

While punching dogs is typically frowned upon, it turns out kicking a canine officer is also a federal offense. Adesanya was charged with “harming animals used on law enforcement” in addition to “unlawfully entering the restricted grounds of the White House.”

The two dogs were taken to a veterinarian and treated for minor bruising they suffered during the incident, but were later cleared for duty. No word on where the hell Bo and Sunny Obama were during the incident.

The latest intrusion onto the White House grounds came the same day that a gunman went on a rampage in Canadian Parliament. But Canada doesn’t need a guard dog to put a stop to crazed intruders – they have Sergeant-at-Arms Kevin Vickers. Vickers, who shot to death gunman Michael Zehaf-Bibeau outside the Library of Parliament, was given a standing ovation in the Canadian House of Commons on Thursday by MPs returning to work.

Meanwhile, Hurricane and Jordan were given some kibble.

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Current Event Cat of the Day: Nerd Prom: Boehner Jokes and a Stellar 2013

Current Event Cat - Boehner Jokes Nerd Prom

Another year, another Nerd Prom. At Saturday night’s White House Correspondents Association dinner, President Obama President Obama’s writers were able to let off a little steam, have a drink, and tell a few John Boehner jokes.

Obama started off the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner comedy routine quipping that he usually starts with “a few self-deprecating jokes, but after my stellar 2013, what could I possibly talk about?” Adding moments later, “At one point, things got so bad the 47 percent called Mitt Romney to apologize.”

Of course Obama had to mention the botched rollout of HealthCare.gov, the pinnacle of his stellar year.

“Of course, we rolled out Healthcare.gov. That could have gone better.” Obama deadpanned.

“In 2008, my slogan was, ‘Yes we can.’ In 2013 my slogan was Control, Alt, Delete.”

Obama even brought out former Department of Health and Human Services Secretary Kathleen Sebelius to “fix” a technical problem that he was seemingly having.

“I got this,” Sebelius said. “I see it all the time.”

After a little self-deprecating humor, Obama took a few jabs at the media outlets.

“I am a little jet-lagged from my trip to Malaysia. The lengths we have to go to to get CNN coverage these days. I think they’re still searching for their table.”

MSNBC is here—they’re a little over-whelmed. They’ve never seen an audience this big before.”

“The Koch brothers bought a table here tonight, but as usual they used a shadowy right-wing organization as a front. Hello, Fox News.”

“Let’s face it, Fox, you’ll miss me when I’m gone. It’ll be harder to convince the American people that Hillary was born in Kenya.”

And, of course, the Republicans were not off-limits:

“Gridlock has gotten so bad, you’ve got to wonder, what did we do to piss off Chris Christie so bad?”

“I haven’t seen anybody pull a 180 that fast since Rand Paul disinvited that Nevada rancher from this dinner,” Obama said, praising Olympic gold medal snowboarder Jamie Anderson, who was in the crowd. “As a general rule, things don’t end well if your sentence starts, ‘Let me tell you something I know about the Negro.’ You don’t really need to hear the rest of it.”

Oompa Loompa BoehnerBut what was perhaps Obama’s best line of the night is when he poked fun at Speaker John Boehner’s oompa loompa-ness.

Referring to Boehner, Obama joked, “These days House Republicans are giving him a harder time than they give me, which means orange really is the new black.”

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Current Event Cat of the Day: White House Official Fired for Tweets

Current Event Cat - White House Official Tweet

Tweeting offensive comments about your colleagues probably isn’t the best way to make work friends – or keep your job. Especially when you work in the White House’s National Security Council.

A White House national security official, Jofi Joseph, discovered this last week when he was fired after he was linked to his secret Twitter account. Posting under the now defunct Twitter name @NatSecWonk, Joseph had been insulting White House employees and leaking internal information about the Obama administration for two years.

I’m going to need to hear some of these tweets:

“Was Huma Abedin wearing beer goggles the night she met Anthony Weiner”

“So when will someone do us the favor of getting rid of Sarah Palin and the rest of her white trash family? What utter useless garbage.”

“Loved, LOVED the @NYTimesDowd column eviscerating the Clintons today.  @ChelseaClinton seems to be assuming all of her parents’ vices …”

“’Has sh*tty staff.’ #ObamaInThreeWords.”

That last one may have been directed at himself…

Although White House and State department officials had been searching for the mysterious tweeter for months, the hunt for @NatSecWonk intensified after he repeatedly criticized the administration accounts about the Sept. 11, 2012 attack in Benghazi. Investigators pieced together Joseph’s travel and shopping patterns from his over 2,000 tweets and concluded it was him. Then he was fired.

Joseph, a director in the non-proliferation area of the White House’s National Security Council, has since apologized for his “inappropriate and mean-spirited comments”.

“It has been a privilege to serve in this administration and I deeply regret violating the trust and confidence placed in me,” Joseph said.

“What started out as an intended parody account of DC culture developed over time into a series of inappropriate and mean-spirited comments. I bear complete responsibility for this affair and I sincerely apologize to everyone I insulted.”

Maybe he should pitch his own show on Fox News? I’d watch it.

Via: Politico

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Administration Bumps Up We the People Petition Requirements

we the people

Getting an official White House response to your We the People petition just got a little bit harder. The White House now requires a petition to get 100,000 signatures within 30 days in order to receive an official response.

Under the We the People system, anyone can now petition the White House for anything and if it surpasses the signature threshold, the White House will review it, ensure it’s sent to the appropriate policy experts, and issue an official response.

When the We the People platform went live in September 2011, only 5,000 signatures were required. A month later that number jumped to 25,000. And now Obama won reelection and decided to again increase the number of signatures a petition needs before it merits a response.

I wonder why? Perhaps because the implementation of such a tool practically begs practical jokers and online “activists” to inundate the site with pointless, irrelevant, illegal and sometimes racist requests?

Well, kind of. The move to increase the requirement comes after the online tool saw a number of high-profile petitions surpass the entry barrier, forcing the White House to issue a response. Among the petitions the White House has responded to include the requested deportation of Piers Morgan and a series of petition callings for various states to be given the right to secede from the United States.  The White House also rejected a petition signed by 34,435 people asking it to build a Death Star. The official response?

“The Administration does not support blowing up planets.”

Good to know.

Here are a few gems that didn’t quite make the threshold (so far…) :

  •  Impeach President Obama immediately if he uses executive power to try and ban any firearms including “assault rifles” (Only 22,633 signatures to go!)
  • Get Rid of Petitions.WhiteHouse.Gov (Probably the best suggestion so far)
  • Allow the import and sale of Kinder Surprise Eggs in the United States. (American’s don’t have Kinder surprise?!?)
  • Officially recognize the Sasquatch as an indigenous species and have them lawfully protected by laws banning any hunting (Makes sense)
  • Authorize the production of a recurring television program featuring Vice President Joe Biden (I need this to happen)
  • STOP WHITE GENOCIDE: Halt MASSIVE third world immigration and FORCED assimilation in White countries (This one scares me…)
  • Dissolve the current legal system and replace it with a single Hall of Justice, run by Judges; motorcycle-riding law officers who act as police, judge, jury, and executioner. (This one scares me more…)

Via: We the People

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