Ted Cruz Doesn’t Want to be Canadian and Canadians Don’t Want to be Ted Cruz. And Other News…

Ted Cruz Canadian

If Obama doesn’t have to be “Kenyan” then Ted Cruz doesn’t have to be Canadian!

U.S. Senator Ted Cruz said Monday that he will renounce his Canadian citizenship after a newspaper pointed out that he may still be a dual citizen. The Texas Republican and Tea Party favourite said “Nothing against Canada, but I’m an American by birth and as a U.S. Senator, I believe I should be only an American.” Ted Cruz was born in Calgary while his father was stationed there for work and moved back to America at the age of 4. Cruz is desperate to get rid of his “Canadian stigma” in anticipation of the 2016 Republican presidential primary. But considering the crap birthers put Obama through for having a Kenyan father (even though he was born in the US), Ted Cruz might have a bit of a ‘Blame Canada’ situation on his hands. CBC News

North Korea MethNorth Korea has a meth problem. This explains a lot… I mean, how else can unbridled devotion to Kim Jong Un be explained? While North Korea has been a meth factory for years, a new report by the North Korean Review has found that parts of North Korea are experiencing a crystal meth “epidemic” with an “upsurge” of recreational meth use and addiction in the country’s northern provinces. The study says that between 40 and 50 percent of the population in northern areas of the country are addicted to crystal meth. Whoa – that’s methed up! Native methed up! The report also details how meth production, which was once manufactured in big state-run labs for quick cash, has now shifted to home kitchens. Well, now the Dennis Rodman trip makes a little more sense…. Business Insider

Ketchup with Rodent FurWould you like some ketchup with your rodent fur? If you do, then Heinz ketchup is the ketchup for you! Brazilian health officials have banned a batch of Mexican-made Heinz ketchup after detecting traces of rodent fur. No word yet on the extent of the contamination, but if there’s even a little bit of rat fur in your ketchup, it’s pretty much ruined. But not to worry ketchup lovers – Mexican officials are on the case. The Mexican authorities have ordered their own inquiry into the rodent fur situation and have ordered an inspection of the factory where the batch was produced. Considering they’re still trying to figure out how to get worms out of tequila, I have a feeling this inquiry will be longer than a siesta. BBC News

Teen OklahomaWhat do teens do for fun in Oklahoma? They kill random people. Three Oklahoma teenagers were charged on Tuesday with randomly targeting and killing a 23-year-old Australian man as he was jogging. The three retards admitted to police that they shot the college student in the back because they were bored. James Edwards Jr., 15, and Chancey Luna, 16, were charged as adults with felony murder in the first degree. Michael Jones, 17, faces two charges — use of a vehicle in the discharge of a weapon and accessory after the fact to murder in the first degree. The prosecutor referred to the three as “thugs” and said Edwards, who had gotten in trouble with the law before the shooting too, “thinks it’s all a joke.” Well, the joke will probably be on them after they spend their entire adult lives in jail. CNN

Manning 35 YearsWell, that’s a little extreme…. Bradley Manning, the 25-year-old private convicted of leaking thousands of classified documents to WikiLeaks, has been sentenced to 35 years in prison, a military judge ruled today. Prosecutors wanted at least a 60-year prison sentence, arguing it would send a pretty strong message to other potential leakers. The defence suggested a prison term of no more than 25 years so that Manning could get his life back together. So I guess 35 years is…ok? Well, I hope the three Oklahoma teenagers get more than that. Globe and Mail

Toxic Nerve GasMore bad news out of Syria – this time with toxic gas. Two Syrian rebel groups say hundreds (possibly 600!) were killed when government forces fired rockets with chemical warheads into Damascus suburbs. Syrian authorities are denying everything, dismissing the reports of a chemical attack as “baseless” and insisting the accusations have been fabricated to cover up rebel losses. But amateur videos show victims sprawled out on hospital floors gasping for breath and convulsing, with others being treated with hand-pump respirators. The attack, which involved rockets filled with toxic nerve gas, comes just one day after chemical weapons experts were sent to Damascus by the United Nations to investigate the government’s alleged use of nerve gas. Awkwaaard. Al Jazzera

Current Event Cat - SafariReagan is off on a safari to see the big cats of Africa (for research purposes obviously…) We will be back FULL TIME September 10th!

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