The Chicago Tribune Knows What’s Important… And Other News

Chicago Tribune Kitten

The Chicago Tribune knows an attention grabbing headline when it sees one!

For a glorious 16 minutes today the Chicago Tribune homepage featured an adorable picture of a grey kitten with the text: Test, test, test, test, test. Spoiler alert: I think the test failed. That or the office kitten got a hold of the keyboard. Sadly, the Chicago Tribune fixed their “error” after 16 minutes of wonderful cat news but the newspaper is still hoping to win a purr-litzer prize for the article. Ok, that was bad. Gizmodo

Bradley ManningBradley Manning, the original Snowden, who gave classified documents to WikiLeaks, has been found not guilty of aiding the enemy. But the army private who was arrested in Iraq in 2010 is not totally off the hook – he has been convicted of five lesser counts under the Espionage Act and 16 non-espionage related charges. Side Note: Is Bradley Manning a midget or did they just find the largest guard in the world to walk with him? Anyways, the prosecution argued that the leak, the largest in US history, assisted al-Qaeda (aka the enemy) and Manning should have known that would happen because well, there were 700,000 documents full of government secrets. The defense played the dumb card, arguing that Manning was a shy, naïve soldier who didn’t act with the “evil intent” necessary to justify the aiding-the-enemy charge. So I guess it was a small victory for the defense. Had Manning been convicted of aiding the enemy, he would have faced a life sentence in prison without the possibility of parole. Next up: Snowden? Washington Post

Pakistan prisonPrison Break: Pakistani Edition. Turns out Indonesia isn’t the only place prisoners can make mass escapes. Late Monday night 250 prisoners escaped from a Pakistani prison after the 100-year-old facility was attacked by Taliban fighters. Damn those Taliban fighters! The militants ambushed the prison grounds on motorbikes and vehicles, blasting the walls with rocket-propelled grenades and other explosive devices, which allowed the prisoners to break free. Security officials have said that 243 prisoners, including 30 militants and 5 females, escaped. Considering the prison only held about 500 inmates, it was quite the prison break. As for the whereabouts of the escapees, no one really know. “The attackers have melted away in the population,” one official said. Good to know they’re assimilating well.  New York Times

Fifty Shades of TortureHow do terrorists pass the time at Gitmo? By reading 50 Shades of Grey obviously. In between forced tube feedings and interrogations, high-value detainees at Guantanamo’s secret Camp Seven enjoy a little light reading. According to Representative Jim Moran, a Democrat from Virginia who went on congressional delegation tour of the camp last week, 50 Shades is the most commonly requested book at the prison. “Rather than the Quran, the book that is requested most by the [high-value detainees] is Fifty Shades of Grey. They’ve read the entire series in English, but we were willing to translate it,” Moran, who advocates for closing the facility, told HuffPost. “I guess there’s not much going on, these guys are going nowhere, so what the hell.” The book is about torture, sexual degradation, and dehumanizing submission… I guess they can relate. Huffington Post

Toronto StreetcarJust when you thought riding the Toronto streetcar couldn’t get worse: it got worse. Amateur video footage from Friday night shows Toronto police shooting repeatedly at a teenager armed with a knife on a streetcar. Sammy Yatim, 18, pulled a knife and ordered everybody off the 505 Dundas streetcar near Trinity Bellwoods Park. Police were alerted and crowded around the streetcar. A standoff quickly ensued and nine gunshots were heard on the video, at least one of which fatally shot Yatim. Some are now up in arms over what they are calling excessive police force. Police say the video is “just one segment” of a broader picture and they are investigating the incident. CBC News

Bloomberg SodaNYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg can now drown his sorrows in a 16-ounce soft drink because a New York appeals court has upheld a ruling striking down the mayor’s latest health push: his controversial ban on large sugary drinks. The court ruled that the ban, which would have prohibited the sale of sodas and other sugary beverages larger than 16 ounces by restaurants and city eateries, was an illegal overreach of executive power. But Bloomberg’s not ready to back down just yet – his administration says it will appeal. “Today’s appellate division decision is a temporary setback, and we plan to appeal as we continue the fight against the obesity epidemic,” said Bloomberg, whose other pro-health efforts include an end to smoking in most public places, a ban on trans fats and requiring big restaurant chains to list calorie counts of their offerings. NBC News

VaCATion Time

Programming Note: Reagan is going on a vaCATion and will be back on August 12th with more news and more cats.

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