Ukraine May Have a New King… A Chocolate King. And Other News…

Klitschko to not run for president Chocolate King

The Chocolate King takes the lead! Former boxing champ Vitaly Kilschko bowed out of Ukraine’s presidential race, deciding to endorse  48-year-old billionaire Petro Poroshenko.

Poroshenko, dubbed the Chocolate King after his money-making chain of confectionery shops, is now the front-runner for a May 25 presidential election. Well, he was the front runner before Kilschko backed out too… but now the Chocolate King’s victory against Yulia Tymoshenko, the former Prime Minister of Ukraine, is pretty much solidified. The more pro-Russian Ukrainians should be fairly pumped about that – especially after a recorded phone convo leaked, in which Tymoshenko is heard saying “One has to take up arms and go wipe out these damn ‘katsaps’ [a derogatory Ukrainian term for Russians] together with their leader,” and “I would have found a way to finish off these bastards.” Globe and Mail

Sad HollandeHow do you say electoral meltdown in French? France’s Socialist Prime Minister resigned along with his entire government after President Francoise Hollande’s Socialist party suffered major losses in Sunday’s elections. The Socialists lost in 155 towns with more than 9,000 inhabitants during Sunday’s municipal elections – but they did win in Paris, so that’s something. But if the Socialists are down, who’s up? The far-right! The far-right National Front enjoyed unprecedented extremist success, capturing 11 key constituencies. President Hollande is expected to announce a new cabinet and, taking a cue from the nation’s swift move to the right, he chose to replace the old PM Jean-Marc Ayrault with Manuel Valls, the tough-talking Interior Minister who is fiercely anti-immigration. BBC News

Glitchy Healthcare.govIt just wouldn’t be the last day to enroll on Healthcare.gov if there wasn’t some type of glitch. Apparently the last minute scramble to sign up for Obamacare was too much for the website to handle. As tens of thousands rushed to sign up for Monday’s Obamacare deadline, the website crashed again and was down for six hours Monday morning. Then it was up. Then it activated its “virtual waiting room.” Then it blocked newcomers creating accounts. Then it was up again, with 1.6 million visitors before 2pm. Technical glitches aside, more than 9 million people who didn’t have insurance before have signed up through federal and state exchanges and according to Joe Biden, who’s on some kind of Obamacare promotional tour, they are “going to be better off for it.” Politico

Cat WhaleThe Chinese have their shark fins and the Japanese have their whales – until now. In an effort to end whaling in the Southern Ocean, Australia decided to sue Japan, arguing that Japan’s assertion that its whaling is for scientific purposes is totally bogus. On Monday the International Court of Justice sided with Australia (and the whales) and ordered a temporary halt to Japan’s Antarctic whaling program. Presiding Judge Peter Tomka said Japan failed to justify the large number of whales it aims to catch annually. “The court concludes that the special permits granted by Japan for the killing, taking, and treating of whales … are not ‘for purposes of scientific research‘,” Tomka said. In other breaking news, water is wet and the sky is blue. CBC News

Water BaptismTurns out believing in Jesus is no substitute for a flotation device. A 43-year-old man is missing after he was reportedly swept out to sea during a California baptism ceremony on Sunday morning. Mauro Cervantes, the pastor of Santa Maria Church of Jesus Christ Light of the Sky, said the man and two others were dragged off the beach by a rogue wave during the ocean baptism ceremony. While the two others were able to make it back to shore, the 43-year-old is still missing. NY Post

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