Who Let Donald Trump Speak at CPAC?

Donald Trump

Celebrity apprentice star and relentless birther Donald Trump opened the second day of the 2013 Conservative Political Action Conference with a speech that ripped into Republicans and reminded everyone that he’s really rich.

The speech was confusing and at times non-sensible but let’s try and break it down.

Trump on the Republican Party

The Republican Party ran a lousy campaign. Donald Trump could do a better job.

“The Republican Party is in serious trouble,” Trump said. ”When you spend $400 million on a campaign and you lose, you know there’s a problem…They did ads on Obama that I thought were being paid for by the Obama campaign.”

Trump on Barack Obama

Donald Trump is upset that President Barack Obama did not return his calls about a free ballroom he offered to build on the White House lawn.They wouldn’t even call him back.

“That’s the problem with this country,” he raged. “People don’t get back to you.”

Trump on the Iraq War

Since the US only went to war to get oil but ended up spending $1.5 trillion, they should go back and take $1.5 trillion out of Iraq’s oil reserves for to pay themselves back. Yes, the Iraqis should pay us back for starting a war in their country and killing their civilians.

“When I heard that we were first going to Iraq, some very smart people told me we’re actually going for the oil, and I said, ‘Alright, I get that, there’s nothing else, I get it,'” he said. “We didn’t take the oil. And then when I said, we spent $1.5 trillion, we should take that — you know, they have the second-largest oil reserves in the world after Saudi Arabia, so $1.5 trillion is nothing … we should take it and pay ourselves back.”

Trump on Immigration Reform

Immigration reform is a “suicide mission” because if 11 million undocumented immigrants are given legal status, “every one of those 11 million people will be voting Democratic, that’s just the way it works.” He did, however, suggest bringing in more people from Europe.

“I have many friends from Europe, they want to come in” but they can’t, he said. “People whose sons went to Harvard!”

Trump on the Economy

America’s in trouble. The solution? Fixing the economy. Just follow Trump’s lead – problem solved!

“I’ve made over $8 billion,” he told the crowd.

Trump on Mitt Romney

Mitt Romney didn’t talk about his wealth nearly enough. Trump thinks he should have talked more about his money instead of playing “defense” on it.

“I think if Mitt made one mistake — and I like Mitt a lot — it’s that he didn’t talk enough about his success,” Trump said.

Trump on his Favourite Topic (himself)

It just wouldn’t be a complete Donald Trump speech without him boasting about one of his new acquisitions. Trump told the (dwindling) crowd about his new golf resort in Florida, Miami’s Doral Country Club and how he is going to “make it incredible.” The resort was apparently poorly managed for years until Trump turned it around.

“That’s what we need to do with this country,” he said.

To be fair, Trump’s had a rough year. He spent 2012 agonizing over whether or not to run for president and devoted all his spare time trying to prove Obama wasn’t born in America and had bad grades in school. And let’s not forget his current lawsuit with Bill Maher over whether or not he is an orangutan. Yes, that’s really happening.

Via: The Washington Post

3 Responses to “Who Let Donald Trump Speak at CPAC?”

  1. Goose
    March 15, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

    meow

    • Fuzzy
      March 15, 2013 at 1:37 pm #

      what?

      • Goose
        March 15, 2013 at 1:37 pm #

        I’m a cat

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